Aham Vyaktam

Its 2 years since He and She got engaged.

She says: It feels like I just got married 3 months ago. I guess I'll never get bored of u.
He says: Same here. You are my everything. How will I ever get bored?

It felt great. But it was so not him !!!!!

She got his tamilmatrimony profile that morning. His very name was her favorite and she was so impressed by his choice of the words to describe himself. That’s all a girl can have at that initial stage to conclude if she likes a guy, isn’t it? She called her dad and said that she liked him. Her dad proceeded on to the usual horoscopic matches and asked her to wait till he got back to her. The same happened on the guy’s side too. Then they got calls saying that the major 5 matches are fine with their horoscopes. So they thought they would start talking and that’s how it all started. They were both conveniently in the same time zone in the US and they needn’t had to worry about disturbing the other at odd hours. They started off with emails. She liked his quirkiness and openness and he liked her childishness and the sincerity in her responses. He was looking for a family loving girl who’s confident and career involved and there she was. She was looking for a guy who’s better than her in everything and there he was. The next step was phone calls. They started talking to each other every day. The call would start at 9 at night and would go on till 12 midnight, though both of them kept saying that they were not phone persons.

They liked each other very much even before meeting. Just after a week, when they thought they would take it to the next level, they received calls from their parents saying that 5 matches aren’t enough and that they were looking for a minimum of 7. It made no sense to him and her. He didn’t believe in horoscopes much and for her, though she had a little belief, she always chose her will/desire over horoscope/astrology. For a moment, they considered going back to their parents and telling them that they wanna go to the next level. But both weren’t confident enough to do that since they barely knew each other for a week. She knew that its all her word that matters and making dad nod a “yes” is no problem for her, but she wasn’t ready yet. So they decided to drop this matrimony talk and bid a bye.

Two days would have gone by. The third day, they thought “why cant we be just friends?” And then they started talking to each other again, though the 3 hour calls became 3 min calls. One day he said he wanted to meet her. He was in San Francisco and she was in Los Angeles. She felt so hesitant to meet him as they had already decided that the relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere. But she so wanted to meet him. And he drove all the way from SF to LA just to meet her as a friend :-) When they met, it was as if someone snatched all the words from their lips and lost them. They didn’t know where to start and what to do. He opened his arms wide to hug her but she said “I am sorry I don’t hug”. He smiled “okayyyy”. His smile was as if he knew that she would have hugged atleast 10 guys by then, as hugs are formal here and that she was deliberately denying his hug. He said “you look really slim, almost like a kid beside me”. She said “you are not as huge as you portrayed yourself to be”. Then they became more comfortable.

After a month, he said he was coming to LA to meet his friend and told her that he would come and meet her too before he leaves. She didn’t want to meet him but she also couldn’t wait to see him. That was their second meeting. He said he would feel really bad if he is not meeting her, having come all the way to LA. She felt “God, why is he doing this” but she couldn’t keep from enjoying his attention.

She had to appear for an interview in San Jose (40 mins from SF) and told him that she’ll be there for the weekend. He had planned to go to ARR’s concert that weekend with one of his friends. When she told him of her plans, he immediately ditched his friend and asked her to come with him to the concert. She felt bad about ditching his friend but felt really happy that he chose her over someone else.

Then, she got that job in San Jose. She wanted to believe that it was fate that’s bringing them closer but she chose to believe that all the tech companies are in the Bay Area. She was glad that she was atleast 40 mins away from him but at the same time, the distance killed her.

He started calling her every night before bed. She hated to see his call. She just wanted to switch her mobile off to avoid him. But she was the same person who made his life hell when he missed to call her one day. Once when she had picked up a fight with him which went on till 12 midnight, she got a call at 2 AM in the night asking her to open her window and look out. There he was waiting for her in the blinding fog, with a bouquet of roses in his hand mouthing “I’m sorry”. She ran outside “Are you crazy? Why are you doing this?”. He just said “I couldn’t sleep after the fight”. She just stood there dumb struck. He was making it so hard for her to curb herself from falling for him.

He met her every weekend. He took her to shopping, to movies, to sight seeing. She didn’t want to hang out with him but she always had a sullen face when he dropped her back home. She wanted to be in her most crappy outfit possible while meeting him but she always ended up wearing the best that was there in her closet. She always prayed that he shouldn’t admire her or compliment her, but there he was all smiling, always with a readymade “wow, u look wonderful”. With any other guy, she would have felt “Okay boy, can you keep the flirting profile a lil low”, but with him, she felt she was over the moon every time she was admired. This was because, his compliment would sometimes be followed by something that would make the compliment a joke and she liked it because it made him look so dignified, not making him look like some big time drooler. She hated if a guy is too bent over a girl and there he was just as she wished, with his noble majesty, just meant for a guy. She just couldn’t compare him with any guy she had met in the past. He was miles apart.

She would have spat on anyone who would have called her kutti but every time he called her so, she could relate him to her father. They say if you can see at least half of your dad in a guy, then he’s the one for you. It had all seemed bullshit to her once, until she met him. He kept her too many nick names she even lost track of. And she was getting drawn to him every time he called her kutti.

One day, she heard him talking over the phone with some relative of his, about a girl, who was probably an alliance his parents had seen for him. She didn’t want to talk about it, but she didn’t know if it was jealousy or the fear of loosing him, she enquired him about the girl. He said he’s talking to this girl in India whom her parents had introduced to him and he said he’s just doing the initial talk with her. She just immediately wanted to run and hide somewhere he can never find her. He asked “what happened”. She was about to say “I just said no to a guy this morning when I was talking with my dad” but she felt that’s too much of brusqueness on her ego and all that came out was “nothing”. She thought she saw him chuckle for a moment or may be she was just too desperate to see him twittingly chuckle. So it seemed to her that he was moving on.

One Saturday, he kept driving through a route that was so unfamiliar for her. She asked him where he was taking her. He just said “wait for a while”. She didn’t know if it was fear or excitement that was mounting in her then. Finally after a long drive, he stopped before a tree house which was so absolutely stunning amidst a forest and it had the view of the beach from there. The small house was so wonderfully romantic. She looked at him with eyes full of questions. He just replied “I just thought you would like it”. She felt “Like it? What is he talking about? I love it”. He was just so perfect for her. She felt as if she had in her hand what she wanted the most, but still cannot have it. She was too confused to take a bold step and go to her dad and tell him he’s what she wanted. She was literally torn between her desire and confusion. That’s when something made her blurt out “I think you are the one for me”. He immediately said “Then, lets get it done”. She didn’t know what was happening “what?”. He then asked “Will you marry me?” Tears welled up her eyes and she managed to say “yes”.

She called her father and told him this is the guy she wanted to be with. Dad was a little hesitant but to him all that mattered was his princess’s wish. He talked to his parents and they gave a green signal, of course with a little fear of the unknown.

She managed to somehow get the words “am glad I said okay to her” from her in-laws and he managed to get “I would have never found a guy better than him for my child” from his in-laws.

All was well in the end and a year has gone by for them, as husband and wife. She always found fatherly affection in him and he always treated her as his kid. They just bought a house and how many couples receive a dream house as a gift to each other for their first anniversary? It happened for them :-)
How many girls get a husband who draws her portrait himself and gifts it to her? How many girls get a husband who gets her a bouquet every now and then? How many girls get a husband who keeps her nick names almost everyday? How many girls get a husband who adores her and clicks her pictures every now and then?
The past 1 year had been incredibly wonderful for them and they are hoping that they will be able to carry the same perpetual love to the many many years to come.

Isn’t the street name very majestic?

We are proud home owners now. Some said that it took them 2 years to get a house they liked, some advised it’ll take at least a year. But it took us only 4 months to find this gorgeous dazzling lovely home. Should we owe it to my twice-daily Sri Suktam chants and our temple visits or to the boundless efforts we put in searching for homes, attending open houses almost every weekend or to our great realtor who luckily happened to be professional pals with the seller’s agent of this house? I think its all the three.

There was a point at the end of just 2 months of search when we got really frustrated but we kept going, no matter what discouraged us. There was always something I didn’t like in whatever house Hari liked and vice-versa. Then we came across this gorgeous home, within less than a mile from the apartment we were staying in. Kudos to our realtor, he gave us a private sneak peek of the house even before it was open in the market. This sneak was so important because we had already been frustrated by the multiple offer wars that happened on any house in the market, to such an extent that Hari usually started with “has the blood bath begun already?” whenever he talked to any seller’s agent LOL.

So back to the private peek. The moment we parked in front of the house, the first thing that came out of our lips was “wow”. The house was so tall that the roof wasn’t visible at all, even if you stand a few feet from the house and look at it. The double door was another turn-on for both of us. Once we went in, the first level with the living room, family room and a spacious kitchen was so stunning. Kitchen was a major tick mark with all the cabinet space, breakfast nook and granite countertops and as if they are not enough, the remote-operable sun roof. The house had 4 bedrooms which was another tick mark as Hari was yearning for an office room. The master bedroom had just the space we were looking for and the pool (though it was not in our best interests) was beautiful and as a cherry on its top, was the spa. What more can you expect from a house?

When we came out of the house, both of us had a “I can see myself living in this house” sort of satisfied look, which we never got in any of the previous houses.
Then we put in our very first offer for the house and the game began. When we lost hope after a week and started looking for other houses, we got a call saying that our offer was accepted. This was victory, our very first offer for a house has been accepted. The escrow went on and on with a few issues here and there and all was well at the end.

On Aug 20th, we signed the docs and the key was ours. It was an inexpressible feeling to set our foot in our own place. We were so proud that we have a roof of our own.

Aug 26th was the Grihapravesham. We had moved our stuff before that and we had spent a whole weekend setting things up. We had hired a priest for Grihapravesham. I had to put maakolam(manaikolam) for the occasion. I had no clue how to prepare the kola maavu even, let alone drawing the kolam. Thanks to the internet, I somehow managed to do it and the next day, when Hari’s relatives came to our home, their eyes popped out on seeing the kolam. They all showered me with appreciations for the kolam.

The function was a grandeur and everyone was so happy. All our relatives, especially Hari’s athimber was admiring me left, right and middle, saying that I did everything single-handedly, without seeking any help from any of them, at this young age :-)

My mom was so worried about me knowing nothing, during my wedding. Now, on seeing how I managed a function and on hearing how much am being admired, she feels really relieved.

All our relatives loved the house. We had placed a lot of flowers in vases and the highlight was a small fountain on the breakfast nook. Everyone was so happy to see a plantain tree in the backyard and it bore a hanging cluster of flower/raw bananas, which they said is an auspicious sign. And only on that day, we came to know that there was a rose hibiscus plant in the backyard. Hari’s athai was so overjoyed. She plucked some flowers and we placed them on the idols for the occasion. We were so happy to see those, when we cannot see even houses in India with hibiscus plants any more.

The function wouldn’t have been such a breeze without my ever-supporting amazing husband. God knows how many boxes he lifted. I was at a point so worried that I would loose my chubby husband for a lean one :-)

The neighborhood seems to be pretty good. The very first day when we went there, we were greeted by a neighbor’s kid Cameron. He shook our hands and said “Hello, welcome neighbors” and introduced himself and told us which home he lives in. It just took us by surprise. We felt so welcoming. We met another kid Jason and they took our permission before coming in to our house to look around. Its amazing how courteous they are. Another neighbor, a couple, greeted us the first day and was so friendly. The next day, they knocked on our door and gave us a bouquet of flowers from their backyard and invited us to their home for tea. Such is our neighborhood.

We have been living in our house for a week now. We are still trying to figure out which remote is for what, which switch is for which light and which key is for what lock.

It feels so pleasant to be in the house. We are able to sleep so well in the night. It’s a very happy house. And we look forward to seeing many many happy occasions in 1160 Gilbert Ct.

Today is the first day in the last 10 days that I woke up with a temperature of 97.9. I was running a temperature of 103 and this has been the longest and fiercest fever I ever had. I was stuck sick at home for 10 days, no work and no cooking at home. Everyday I woke up with fever and cried to Hari telling that am gonna die. Now if I come to think of it, I really am ashamed :-)

Hari didn’t go to office coz of me and I cannot credit him enough for how he took care of me. It was surprising that the doctors never gave any medicine for me, despite diagnosing that I have viral fever. They kept asking me to take Tylenol every 4 hours and drink lots of fluid till the fever goes away. How will the fever go off with just Tylenol, I mean, how will the virus get killed by just Tylenol? I could never understand. The doctors said its unethical to give injection or antibiotic for a viral fever and I just have to live with it till its gone. Had it been India, the doc would have given an injection and atleast 3 antibiotics the first day you go to him, and some doctors will be so generous to hospitalize you even if you run only 99 degrees LOL. Having seen all that, the so called medical ethics here was so surprising and funny for me. Not a day passed without cursing them, no matter they don’t prescribe antibiotics for our own good.

Whenever I get ill, I have this habit of doing a bit of a self-diagnosis. This is what I did when my lymph nodes protruded after fever, before 2 years. A generous doctor who was so much in love with me (knowing that I can get all my expense reimbursed) wanted to retain me in the hospital for atleast 10 days saying that the lymph nodes could be due to tuberculosis or cancer and asked me to undergo a biopsy. I had to fight with her to get discharged telling her that I don’t have any of those crap and its just reactive lymph node for the viral fever I had. And my diagnosis was definitely correct. The lymph nodes went away once I recovered from fever. I can give many such instances for my successful self-diagnosis. I had discovered I had typhoid, jaundice, etc, in the past. So I have been pretty confident of my medical knowledge. But it turned into over confidence when I thought I had typhoid when I fell ill during my wedding. Well, I had the same symptoms and even the blood test result came back positive for Salmonella Typhi. So a doctor treated me for it. I came to know that the self-diagnosis was an over-kill when another doctor said its just viral and the blood test will show positive for typhi if I have had typhi before :-( Everyone was scolding me left, right and middle for doing a doctor’s job. Well, will 2 years of Biology in the 11th and 12th grade not make me half a doctor? Hehehehe

I get so paranoid when I have persistent fevers and I come up with some dreadful disease linking the symptoms. I came up with AIDS before 2 years when I lost 5 pounds in 3 days (god knows if the weighing machine was faulty) and my WBC dropped by 2000. I came up with cholera when I had nausea and diarrhea. Do you know what I came up with this time? Cancer :-)
These things are not very impressive to be written about one’s self, are they? Hmmm…that’s fine. Those of you who have/have had crush on me, thinking that am meticulous, ingenious, etc, etc can rest assured that you haven’t missed someone great in your life LOL.

Anyways, the fever phase is finally over or so I think. Am gonna get a huge email from Prasath anna about hope and confidence and a huge lecture from Hari, for this one pessimistic phrase of mine “or so I think” :-)

Am glad am out of a 10-day long fever and have to start eating apples and dry fruits to regain strength. And more importantly I should try not to self-diagnose and try not to be over scared or atleast not to be overtly scared :-)

My sis-in-law Deepa gave birth to a baby girl. We became a proud maama maami. She's the first baby for our family and is gonna be very very special.

I was praying that a girl baby should be born against my parents-in-laws desire for a baby boy. And my wish succeeded :-)

They said the baby and the mom are healthy. They said the baby has lots of hair and she has big eyes. Hari always comments that my eyes are huge and am glad the baby is gonna share all the bullies with me :-)

God, how much I yearn to hold the baby in my hands! But we are tied by the distance.

I admire Deepu so much for the perseverance with which she went through the labor.
I just felt like hugging her and telling how much I admired her. But I could barely speak with her :-(

Anyways. Everyone there is gonna be busy with the baby.
Am gonna start purchasing gifts for her from now on.
Cant wait to see her. Am sure she'll be as beautiful as Deepa and the parents are gonna have hard time shooing away the guys swarming around her. hehehehehehe...

It feels good when “someone” makes a bread sandwich for your breakfast, places it in your bag concernedly with a paper towel in case you intend to have it while commuting, and does it by the time you put your shoes on before leaving to work, especially when you have decided to skip your breakfast as you are running very late.

It feels good when “someone” had done the dishes and the sparkling sink welcomes you when you get back home in the evening, especially when you had left a huge pile of dishes in the morning.

It feels good when “someone” unexpectedly calls you and says we’ll go for a movie and have dinner outside, especially when you are in no mood to do anything but still for the sake of it, will cook and do other house-hold since you are not of the type who says “lets have dinner out”.

It feels good when “someone” prepares something with little known, and wakes you up to make you have dinner, especially when you are dozed off after a shot (not the shot as in tequila shot but the one as in flu shot) and a tablet when you are ill.

It feels good when “someone” had surprisingly placed a bouquet of flowers before you when you wake up the next morning with a note “I don’t know what the reason is, sorry if I am”, especially when you had been low for some reason unknown.

It feels good when “someone” says you are a good cook and you’ll get better every time you cook, especially when you serve a dish with too much of salt in it.

It feels good when “someone” just politely says “this is not the girl I know of”, which is good enough to shut you up, especially when you let your temper far out of control.

It feels good when “someone” pats on your head and says “you are just a kid”, especially when you feel so stupid after committing a foolish blunder.

It feels good when “someone” reminds you are able by saying “I’ll suggest, but you have to decide”, especially when you want someone to decide for you, though it is so out of your character, you being a person who doesn’t want others to decide for you.

It feels good when “someone” is so supportive to say its okay to cancel a $1000 trip, especially when you are biting your nail, trying to complete your work hastily before you leave for the trip.

These look like excerpts from some chick-flick. But when these happen in real life, the bliss is just exponential to the mushy feeling you have when you see these in a chick-flick. And, you are able to cache and appreciate these only when they happen seldom. Else, the charm of these would have been long gone.

I saw everybody writing about their best of 2008. So I thought I would also join the whirlpool.

Best of 2008:

1. I became a full time employee of a reputed concern. One year of grueling contractorship got over and I am glad I wasn’t at the mercy of anybody to have me converted, it was rather a demand from my side.

2. I got car driving license. This might seem too preposterous to mention under this post title, but it was a great achievement for me. I flunked twice and got it right the third time. I have never had a sense for even riding a bicycle, let alone a car. I was great at the rules and scored 34 on 36 in the driving written test but pathetically flunked in the wheel test. Finally I got it. My wish is to drive a beetle, if not, atleast some VolksWagen. I haven’t got any yet. Let me see if I am able to put my beetle or VW as one of my best of 2009.

3. I met my family after a separation of more than a year and a half, reminding them of my almost forgotten face, letting them gasp “is that really her?” I had changed a lot during this span of being away from family and I was pleased to see that everybody welcomed my physical and mental change.

4. My wedding. I met a man who was everything I wanted my partner to be and I am lucky enough to marry him. The welcome rendered by the new family was overwhelming, as I had already become friendly with most of them, or as my friends would grossly lay it out, I had already put maska on everyone. More than anything, my dad got relieved off the biggest duty or rather a burden as the conformist in me conceives it.

5. My birthday gift. It was my portrait Hari had painted. I knew he was a painter but never knew he could paint so well. He used to go to sleep at 5 in the morning, saying he had loads of work, which was surprising for me as I had always known him as a smart-worker, not a hard one. When he gifted my portrait, I understood the meaning of all those sleepless nights.

6. I met Anand after more than 2 years. He had been “the” best friend in my life (and still is) or well-wisher as he says. It was great to see him here, actually to see his few months old kid more than him. Its always a blissful feeling to see your best friend after a really long time, especially when he surprises you showing up with his own child. And I met Shen, kullu and Sachi after a long time on my wedding.

7. I made a great improvement in cooking. While I was back in India, I didn’t even know what sauté meant (not literally but practically). While I was into this shared accommodation stuff here in US, I did start cooking, but there was always my roomie beside me to share the task and never knew if I could cook alone. But after wedding, cooking was/is being completely manned by me (needless to mention Hari is a lousy cook) and I was surprised to see I was able to cook well. We celebrated all festivals after wedding with vada, rava laddoo, jamun and payasam and stuff (I can never match up to our parents, but these dishes were decent) and got appreciation from my in-laws for observing all festivals without an elder’s help.

8. My dad sought voluntary retirement. He has worked really hard since he was 18 and I felt its time he bids a bye to work and rest at home. He is an enthusiast and cant sit at home. So he’s writing and composing songs right now (as he always used to when he found time) big time to keep him engaged (and this is just for his fun, not for commercial interests) and he’s into browsing and stuff. Good for him!!

9. Hari took a huge leap in his career, and became a manager skipping one level in the middle. It was like a double promotion and this happened immediately after our engagement. And everybody in my in-laws’ side said that am a very lucky girl. So sad that they forgot about Hari’s eminency :)

10. My physical examination results came out alright. I never underwent a checkup after coming to US. I normally keep watching my health as I am underweight. Not that any previous results came out with complications, but just have been playing safe. So any checkup is very important for an underweight gal like me and this thorough phy exam after 2 years pronounced me hale and healthy. And no doctor ever says that am underweight, I don’t know why and in a way am happy for it :)

Now I’ll go for the worst of 2008.

1. Fell ill on my wedding and I was ill throughout the span I was in India.

2. Sachi, who is one of my best friends met with a terrible accident and had surgery.

3. The economy depression, of course made us precarious as everybody else, though no major impact has happened yet.

4. I came to know that Hari doesnt have a good taste for chick flicks. Of course, chick flicks are for female audience and I cant expect him to like them, but then it would have been great if he can watch them, as I watch any crappy movie, no matter its boyish or girlish or kiddish.

5. I exhausted all my Personal-Time-Offs in my wedding and am running on negative now.

6. I wanted to go to Hawaii or Maldives in 2008 but neither happened.

These are all the worst things I can come up with and its good that I have my best outnumbering the worst.

As to the New Year resolution, I thought of vowing that I wouldn’t browse at work. But as we internet geeks would die if we relinquish browsing even for a minute, I knew this resolution would end up with an ill fate as its ancestors. So thought I wouldn’t take any resolution at all.

On the whole, 2008 had been a really great year for me, a memorable one indeed. If I have to retrospect in few years down the lane, 2008 would definitely be the top in the list, as I had some major happenings in my life.

Its 2 months since am married. The first month was so busy in India and the 2nd month was busy here making our house a home. Life is undoubtedly a fun, with the guy of your life always by your side, you needn’t wait for the weekend to meet him and you needn’t have a gloomy face which you’ll have when he drops you back at your home after a weekend movie. I, as of now, don’t feel I am loaded with additional responsibilities, especially when it comes to cooking. I, with roommates, used to cook daily, unlike the others here who say they cook only once in 2 or 3 days. I just find no difference in responsibilities, its my husband now with me, instead of a roomie.

Yesterday when I received a very late wish for my wedding, the thoughts about my marriage day came to me and it struck me that I haven’t written about it. So here I am making note of what I remember of my marriage for my future reminiscence.

On Sep 2nd, my preparations for the big day started with the usual bride-ish stuffs like facials and mehndi. I was at maama’s home. I thought of ending the day at 10pm and went to bed then, as I had to get up really early the next day. I would have just closed my eyes when they were peeled by the shriek let out by my athai who had just arrived. My sleep was thrown away by an array of hugs and kisses from her. I had to force myself to sleep at 10.30. Then by 11, I heard some mumblings and woke up to see my dad who had just come back home. He had been frantically busy for more than 2 months and I felt really bad to see him returning home at 11, even the night before the wedding. While everybody was praising the sarees dad had bought for the family, I could see nothing other than the figure of my dad struggling with around atleast 12 huge bags of sarees and dhotis in his hand. I felt so totally helpless. We, for whom the native is Erode, had fixed up the wedding in Chennai due to certain factors and we had no clue as to go where for what. Dad shouldered the entire burden solely, with none to help him with the preparations in an unknown city. I wonder from where in the world he got all the energy to arrange everything on his own. For the first time ever in life, I kept aside the iam-glad-am-single-child thought and I felt I should have had a brother, who at this instance would have been a lot helpful. Anyways.
Everybody was telling they should make less noise and should allow me to sleep but kept bellowing about something or the other. I didn’t know when the noises died away and when I fell asleep.

The next morning I was woken up by the singsong voice of my thaatha who was chanting the mantras for vinayagar chaturthi pooja. The information that I got up flew to my paatti and she told Sri, who was ready to go for bath, that she cannot go next and she also told that all the others are to get ready only after I am done. I started to enjoy all the attention and gave Sri, who was already gnashing her teeth at me, a glorious look and headed to get ready.

Maami wrapped me up in a purple saree and I had to wear all the jewels. After the usual namaskarams, we headed in 3 cars towards the mandapam. Through out the way I was cribbing about the itching the jewels were giving me, yet I didn’t wanna remove them as I wanted to stand out as a bride. Had Hari been there, am sure he would have pulled me in for a debate on topic “why do girls choose beauty/fashion over convenience” LOL.

We reached the mandapam. The saastrigal was there to welcome me, chanting some mantras, putting a garland around my neck and I was asked to go inside the mandap, placing my right foot first. I went inside and sat there for a while, when the garland started contributing heavily to the itch. Amma was telling me that she cant listen to my cribs about saree and jewels and that she’s glad the wedding is for a day and a half unlike the usual Brahmin weddings which go for 3 days[Hari wanted a half-a-day marriage but my family was adamant on 3 days, so the wedding was planned for a day and a half after a bit of haggling between both the sides] . I asked the saastrigal if I can remove the garland. He said “none will recognize you to be the bride if you remove it. You are that tiny”. I was so sick of that comment as everybody who saw me since I landed, ebbed me away with it. When I was wishing that the saastrigal should be the last person whom I have to hear that comment from, maami whispered “a lot more to come baby”. It was true. That would be the first time, many of Hari’s relatives would see me and I knew I cant escape from that comment :(

We were waiting for the groom. It started raining. Everybody entered the panic mode worrying that the rain would cause discomfiture when Hari arrives. Their worries multiplied when someone threw a rumor that its gonna rain heavily for 2 days. I was teasing amma that it rains on my wedding since she has the habit of eating raw rice. :)

I was informed that the groom has arrived and was asked to stand at the entrance to greet him and his family. There he came with his geek glasses on [he had told me he would wear it on our wedding and he certainly did], to the horror of my family, to whom he looked much older than he actually is. Did I mention that was the first time my family met him too? May be, he caught the expression of my family right, he had changed to his normal glasses when the rituals started. I then started receiving compliments from my family that we make a nice pair :) I bade a “hi” to his relatives and needless to say that everybody’s talks were punctuated with the irritating comment of how thin I am.

Viratham started 9-ish. Appa was doing all the stuff and the chanting of the mantras seemed soporific to me, since I had only 4 hours of sleep last night. But then, I wanted my photos to be good and was making myself fresh drinking juices and smiling always so that any click from the photographer captures my smile. Finally by 12, the kankanam was tied in my hands and the saastrigal said “I don’t want to see you roaming around. And remember you are not supposed to step out of the mandapam since you have the kankanam now”. I said “okay, can I remove this garland now?” He said “you are keen on it, do it. And I don’t want you asking me if you can remove this kankanam”. I gave him a seething look for making me win the sniggers from my cousins.

That evening was the nichyadhaartham and reception and I got a few minutes to rest. Everybody was telling that the food was sumptuously awesome. I didn’t get a chance to taste it though, due to viratham. Then I started preparing for the nichyadhaartham. We had to have my hair plaited long, of course with the sowri. My hair wasn’t even fit for the initial plaits. I heard my chithi murmuring something about my hair and I turned back and asked what it was with a I’ll-kill-you look. I had promised them that I’ll not cut my hair after engagement till marriage and I lived up to it, apart from the inconveniences it caused. I wasn’t even allowed to trim my hair. But only so much grew and I could do nothing. So I had told them before the day of marriage that if anyone ever opens their mouth to complain about my hair, they are gone. Chithi knew it very well and so she said she was murmuring some slogam and not about my hair. :) They had to do a ponytail and then attach the sowri to it to everybody’s horror of when it would fall off. The nichyadhaartham was just for an hour and I had to be in the dais for less than 20 mins. Thanks Prasanna, I am glad you were there to fulfill the place of a brother and you looked really cute.

Then I had only an hour and a half to get ready for the reception. The next saree and the next set of jewels. I was very relieved since I was allowed to leave my hair free for the reception. I was led to the dais at 7pm and the stage had been very well decorated. Hari was looking great in his suit but within a blink, he took it off, complaining about the sweat. Everybody started marching towards us with gifts. Least did I attempt to register in mind the unknown people when they were introduced. The crowd was so huge and how in the name of heaven will I remember all the names? Fat chance.

The concert by Ravishankar was just awesome. It was supposed to be a keyboard instrumental, but due to power issues, it changed to be a carnatic music concert. He was really good. We weren’t spared even full 10 mins to listen to him as we had to shake hands with people visiting us. It was so nice to see you sing, appa, on my reception. I always wanted atleast one of your songs staged for my wedding and I thank you, you sang two, one of them being my all time favourite and that too, upon my request.

It was great to see you, Sachi after a really long time but you intimidated me by standing beside me for the photo. Of course, the height difference boy. You gave my guy a chance to make fun of me with that photo, as if he’s 6 ft. LOL

Thanks Aadhi for bringing in your friends. It was nice to pose for a photo sandwiched between handsome young guys, being tired of oldies. A special thanks to you, as you dressed up good upon my request, leaving off your usual skull shirt, revolutionist cargo pants and a weird watch. Sorry bud, I am bullying you, but you know we have a hair-racking relationship and I can very well take that privilege. :)

It was great to see you Shenbagam and Satish, after a really really long time, I guess 4 years. I wasn’t surprised to see you put on weight Kullu, but Shen, I was dumbstruck to see you. Stupid, bloody idiot, you were worse than me, remember. I thought both of us cannot cross 40 kgs no matter what. You beat my theory first, you piece of sweet!

We called it a day at 9PM and I went off stage to receive compliments for my make-up.
The next day was the big day and I could hardly sleep. I was a lil restless. I knew I am marrying a guy whom I had known for more than 8 months and I knew I had developed a good rapport with my in-laws and their relatives. But I had to bump into the typical “Indian girl” in me every now and then, and she pushed me to visit the fidgetiness often. Finally I forced myself to sleep.

I woke up on the big day at 3.30AM in the morning, and once again the usual drama of taking head bath, doing bridal make up, blah blah. I felt I was looking good this day, than the previous, which athai justified that the girl attains a tejas when kanyadhaanam happens. Whatever, I was happy I was looking good in my saree which was of my favorite color green.

They said kasi yaathrai was happening then and asked me to go the mandapam entrance for unjal. After my appa, according to the Vedas, had prevented Hari from setting upon Sanyaasam, promising that he would give me to him, the garland exchange, which is typical and the most funful event in Brahmin marriages happened. Hari was so bulkier and I wonder how he was lifted so high by his mama, cousins and who not, I had to throw the garland to his neck. I wasn’t lifted high at all, myself being so skinny. I jeered at my relatives “I want to be lifted high right now, do you guys understand me?” [I was really wishing that the photographer hadn’t captured this reaction of mine]. Then Ravi and chithappa came out of nowhere pronto, and lifted me so high and Hari had hard time reaching me. Yehhhh!!! A smile of victory from me!

Then, Hari was asked to hold my hands for the first time and we were led to the unjal. We would have spent about 40 mins to an hour in unjal, with everybody giving paal-pazham and singing songs. Then we went to the dais and sat. I was given the madisaar. I had to go dress up in 20 mins.

There came the nightmare, not only for me but for everybody that how would I be wrapped around in a 9-yard saree and how to make it stay on me. Everybody was so confident that i would look terrible in it. Hari’s athai and amma came and started wrapping the saree around. They were done in 10 mins. I turned so reluctantly to look myself in the mirror. Voila!!!! It was so good on me. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. His athai said she didn’t see it fit anybody better than for me. Everybody said I was great. Then they started changing the jewels.

Amma had sneaked in the breakfast but I was in no mood to have it.

“I feel like nauseating whenever I see food amma. I’ll just have lime juice”

“I insist you have this breakfast now”

“I cant am telling you. Am supposed to be fasting till the muhurtham is over”

“Don’t teach me the rules. You can’t survive the ceremony if you don’t eat. It’ll take till 2pm to be over”

I reluctantly agreed to eat and amma gave me idly as jewels were being adorned. I would have had half of it, when everything came out. I started crying, which I usually do when I vomit, and threw a cold look at amma suggesting “I told you I cant”. Amma started scolding me left, right and middle, and the bickering between us was ended by appa whom I happened to see in my room only then, in the 2 days. He reconciled us, asking me to stop crying as its an evil omen and scolding amma that she shouldn’t be this rude to the kid who’s gonna get married.

I didn’t wanna miss the rare few mins I got with my appa in my room.

“How are you appa?”

“Am fine. Why do you ask that? You see me every minute”

“Do you really think so?”

“What happened?”

“You were such a dad, who used to relish your daughter, when she even changes her stud or does a different hairstyle. Its her wedding now. Did you notice what saree am wearing? Did you notice the jewels? Did you notice how pretty I am? I know you are busy but wouldn’t it be nice to see every pinch of your daughter, on the day you have been waiting for, for years since she was born? After 2 days, when you sit back and see my photos, you would ask amma “was she like this?” with a pricking pain. I wouldn’t be there beside you to share it with you.”

Just then, his name was called and he just gave a helpless look at me and a pat on my cheeks and hurried away. I was atleast glad that I managed to tell him I missed him so much.

Then they asked me to come to the dais and I was so excited as I had to sit on my appa’s lap. It was a great feeling. How I had longed to sit on his lap for years! Appa had never really allowed me to sit on his lap since I was what, 15, may be. Today, he had no choice! :)

It was an inexpressible feeling with the man of my life standing in front of me chanting the mantras, ready to take me away from the man who had meant the life for me. I was filled with an avalanche of emotions and managed to take in the word of the saastrigal that we shouldn’t allow anyone to touch us after thaali is tied until saptapati is over. There came the gettimelam, and there I was, Mrs. Iyer.

It took great efforts to safeguard ourselves from swarming people. Once saptapati was over, people were congratulating us and I got so many compliments and dhrishti removals from elders. :) Then the final event was “pori idudhal” during which the wife will be made to stand and do the ritual. But I don’t know if the saastrigal felt I was a kid beside Hari, he made me sit on his lap and do it. Our cheeks were reddening to the core, giving the audience a great reason to launch sheepish glances and comments for.

It was nice to see all the relatives. Thanks for coming Harish. You were my best friend since I was a teen and I thought you skipped my wedding, when you didn’t make it for the reception. But when I saw you on the wedding day, it struck me that you had always said you wanted to see how funny I am in madisaar on my marriage.

The main event was finally over and we went for lunch finally at 2pm. My family knew that am a strict no-no for feeding sweet to each other and posing for photo during lunch and so didn’t even attempt at it. The others kept asking us if we did it and Hari said we have done it to shut them up. Thanks to him, he also doesn’t like it.

I had time for chat with all the relatives after lunch. Then came the nalangu, also called nathanaar-vilaiyadal. I wasn’t at all interested in it, neither did Hari. But everyone else seemed to want it. Okay, jump on the bandwagon!!! We had to do all the stupid things like appalam breaking, thengai sandai, etc, etc. I only benefited a bleeding scratch on my finger from Hari’s nails during the games.

Everybody said that the marriage was grandeur. Thanks maama maami and chithi chithappa, without you guys, I cannot even imagine how the marriage would have happened this grand and peaceful. There are a lots and lots of your efforts and I owe you gratitude. Everybody was praising the food served during the 2 days. Thanks perippa, its you who pointed us to the caterer, he was awesome. Thanks jayama chithi, you helped dressing me up so well, without you I wouldnt have looked that great for sure. Thanks kalyaani athai, you were showering me with compliments, you were enjoying every reaction of mine, which really made me feel so special. Thanks sugu chithappa, I wonder what you do, you just drive away my headache in a jiffy with one touch of yours, its because of you I managed to stand in the reception. Thanks raja chithappa, without your heart-felt hug which spoke a lot during my departure, I wouldn’t have felt complete. Thanks namagiri athai and jaya athai, you guys would have broken knuckles by now, destroying my dhrishti. Thanks Ravi, you were the one who tirelessly supported appa in all the preparations, you were the right hand for him. Thanks Rajesh, you had crocin and juice ready in your hand whenever I yelled for them, and I was so moved to see you beside me after the muhurtham till the end of residual rituals, when everybody else vanished. Thanks Lalli and Sri, you were the manappen thozhis, although you never came and stood by me.

And a big, huge or whatever word is better, thanks to thaatha paatti. Thaatha, I don’t know if anyone other than you, in the age of more than 80, will have spirits and enthusiasm and love like you. You never sat sighing, and you were just spinning doing this and that, while I was half-dead during the second day. Paatti, its becoz of you I didn’t feel bad for the absence of ranga paatti, whose soul am sure would have been there with me every second during my marriage.

And finally, thanks to Hari’s relatives, you guys were so content and never showed the “maappillai aathu midukku”. It was so great of you all to have borne any mistake, if any, that happened unknowingly. One fault from your lips would have collapsed my appa. Thanks for having been very understanding.

It was finally the time to bid good-bye to everyone in my family. I was actually a little strong and didn’t cry in the beginning, as I had been away from my family for more than a year and a half. But then when the time came to board the car, tears came out of nowhere, as a sense of detachment from my family popped in. Everybody from athai to chithappa was crying and I could find my amma and appa.

Then paatti said they were back in the mandapam, shying away from the scene, as they wouldn’t bear seeing me go away. I noticed them standing far away inside the mandapam and asked them to come over. My amma’s eyes were red with tears and appa completely broke off on seeing me, crying hard as never.

After a while, I set off with my new family. The days after till my departure, were just bliss in my in-laws’. My mom-in-law wouldn’t even ask Hari if he needs coffee when he wakes up, a glass of milk would be ready for me when I get up. I am really not wishing for a typical maamiyaar and marumagal, who are always branded to be at loggerheads. I hope I manage to live up to their expectations to get this love and affection ever.

Am excited. Very excited. Counting the days has become counting the hours now. Am just 24 hours away from meeting my family. Am traveling to India in a couple of hours after a looooong gap of a year and a half. Here I am writing the blog from the SFO International airport. This is my first travel to home after coming to the USA. So the gifts for guys back home have got piled up in my baggages and I am glad am entitled to carry 70 lbs/bag.

Mom and dad say they cannot wait to see me. So am I. Me, being the only girl child for the entire family, I am expecting atleast 10 people to receive me at the Chennai airport. :-)
Its just gonna be a festival and I am gonna enjoy all the attention given. Mom had told me that she’s gonna prepare at least 3 dishes per day and my taste buds are so desperate to taste paruppu saadham with vandal rasam of mom, and yeah the urulai kizhangu fry and podimaas. Boyyy….I feel very nostalgic at the very thought of it. Mom has also ordered dad that its his responsibility to give me orange juice, tender coconut, dry fruits and cucumber daily. :-)

Excitement apart, am a lil scared coz my in-laws are going to meet me for the first time in person. Its pretty natural for any girl to have a cannot-be-explained feeling at this instance. Am not sure if they’ll like me or not when they see me. I have heard people say that am good at making first impression. It has worked out as far as my persona is concerned but am not sure if it’ll work when it comes to looks. I know my in-laws like me very much as a person and I hope looks shouldn’t matter. But still, I really pray they should like me coz its very easy to frame a dislike towards a person just by one very look at him/her. I have done that many a times. I really hope for the best and am sure they are going to like me.

Hari had come to drop me at the airport and a final hug from him as a bachelor was too much to resist tears and pulled the thought of meeting my family for my defense. Remember, I don’t like crying. May be he would have felt triumphant, had I shed some tears. :-)

On reaching there, I guess the first one hour would go in analyzing how and what I have become, how I have changed. Am sure to receive from mom the comment "whether or not my daughter is immune to diseases, she is for sure immune to gaining weight".

I’ll be reaching India at 1.30 early in the morning and I need to go for shopping after a few hours of dawn. I hope my jetlag wouldn’t be much of a hindrance. If it is too, I can’t do much about it, it is shopping and it is.

I am longing to go to my home and lay on my favorite sofa and watch tv. There’s no picturesque place than home. I need to go check what has happened to my rose plants. I need to go roaming in the neighborhood, where in I was considered the best girl. I might still be considered so, who knows. J I need to go meet my favorite tailor. I need to go to my favorite goddess in my favorite temple. I need to go the schools I studied, wherein the teachers, who taught me or not, remember me so well even today and tell my dad that I was their darling whenever he goes there for inspection. There are just too many favorites and very little time.

Okayyy…..preboarding for my flight starts now and am going with lots of expectations, emotions, desires, what not.

Am coming India!!!!

I was pushed to the state of insecurity last month. I did whatever I could to break that insecurity and I smelt success too. Now am pushed to the state of keeping my fingers crossed for something good to happen, something which I really want. And am hoping that I will be pushed to the state of ambivalence next week, of course for good, unable to decide what to go for. I already have two possessions which are pretty good themselves, yet unable to convince myself to go for either of them. Mind still yearns for something better. Call it greed or discontent or whatever. Though mind craves for the third one, I am not willing to desert the two existing ones. I don’t want to desert one coz I love it so much and feel it’s the best fit in all aspects. I don’t want to desert the other despite it having some minuses coz it came back to me though I had already deserted it once and so am now under the clench of courteousness. I certainly cannot have both. I just brush both these aside, though both of them like me so much and they want me desperately and I keep looking for the third one, which is really turning me on and off, making me wait for long. It once gives an impression that its going to be mine and wipes that thought off the next jiffy making me think I have lost it. I have done everything in my ability to own it and now its upto it to choose whom it should go to. I cannot hold the other two on for long and I have to choose one fast. Am afraid the two would leave me if I keep mum not telling them anything. I cannot tell one of them yes right now – what if the third comes back to me tomorrow? I cannot tell no too – what if the third deserts me – scared to think being void without any of them. There’s a parallel nag. Its just my thought that the third one is the best. But what if I get the third one finally and it turns out to be just as equal as the other two? All my wait for it would go in vain then, I’ll not be loosing anything though. I shall still say a yes to the one which am comfortable with and be happy. Overall, it’s a win-win for me I feel. But the knack lies in me arriving at a decision at the right time.

Wish me prudence !!!!

This is an instance which left me completely blank, not knowing how to react.

Featuring: Me and my American colleague

Anu: Wassup dawg?

Victor: Hey. Got 2 minutes? Wanna speak with you. Patio?

Anu: Sure. Any problem?

Victor: None and its personal.

Anu: Oh

Victor: I have a good news. Am in love.

Anu: Wow. Congrats!!!!!

Victor: Will you marry me?

Anu: Wh Wh What the …..

Victor: Hey cool. No anger and no yelling alright? I just felt, I said. Just say yes or no.

Anu: Didn’t it strike you am engaged?

Victor: Well, you are just committed, not married, are you? I wouldn’t have cared if you were married too.

Anu: Was that supposed to be taken as a good news by me?

Victor: Answer is what I need.

Anu: You know it. You needn’t wait to hear it from me too.

Victor: Alright. Am getting engaged. Wish me luck.

Anu: (Frown)

Victor: I liked two girls and you are one among them. I already proposed to another girl and she accepted. I still wanted to propose to you and marry you if you accepted. Now that you denied, am getting engaged with the other girl. Isn’t that a good news now? Ok. Thanks for your 2 mins. Catch you later.

Anu: (speechless. How am I supposed to react? ) Congrats. All the best. Bye.



This was the shortest proposal I have ever heard/seen. It ended in a jiffy. It was hard for me to detect if he was serious or playing some prank on me.

This wasn’t the first time someone is proposing to me but this was a lil eerie and it left me blank. I had always been a girl who had delved deeper trying to analyze what invited a proposal, but this time, I didn’t feel I have to.

This American proposal was precise, direct, no drama, the guy wasn’t sweating and swallowing the driblets in his throat and there was no trace of hard feeling on his face when I denied and I liked it. But when I sat back and thought about it, there arose a questionnaire for which I could hardly answer.

Why did he propose to me, myself being poles apart from him, with respect to habits, ethnicity, et al? Why would a guy propose to a girl, when another girl had just accepted him and they had planned to get engaged? How dare he proposed to me knowing am engaged? How did he take my denial so easily? Does it mean he is not a guy who is serious about relationships and he just needed a companion to hang out with? I dunno.

This proposal made me go hind a coupla years and more – my college, my school, when I received proposals. Obviously a beautiful girl like me [lifting my collar, shrugging my shoulders, raising my eyebrows) would receive in umpteens, wouldn’t she? [Fine. I know that’s too much. To quench your “errrrrrrr” reaction, here I go:] Any girl, irrespective of whether she’s a great beauty or average-looking, would have received atleast a proposal during her journey from 15 to getting committed and I was no exception.

I had always wanted an arranged marriage and denied every proposal that came in. I have seen guys feeling very bad once you deny their proposal. They will always wear a pitiful look. They hesitate to see you on your eyes. I have realized, lost-love-guy-reactions they show in the movies are no exaggerations. The reactions would be at heights when it comes to “your best friend -> loves you -> proposes -> you deny -> you keep away from him”.

At such instances, at the corner of your heart, you would feel nice since attention was being given to you. The feeling that a guy is yearning for you would make you feel feminine [well, we cannot be blamed. If guys brood over the failure, creating so much drama, girls will take advantage of it]. But that’s just in a corner of your heart. Genuinely you would feel sorry for him with all your heart but there would be nothing you could do about it. It’s just a phase and you have to pass it, thinking things would be fine as time rolls on and would teach the people, maturity. I was sure that there would come a day wherein, those guys when thinking about this, would hit their forehead laughing, realizing how stupid they have been.

There was one such best friend of mine in my college. He was my best friend in college and turned a guy who loves me after we were out of college. I had always chosen to keep away from the guys who had proposed to me and I did the same with him. We lost touch and last month when I was informing my friends of my engagement, I got reminded of him. I ransacked my diaries and got his number, gave him a call and told him I got engaged and will be sending him invitation for marriage and hung up. Two days back I received an email from him and I almost fainted. It was a 200-liner email. I thought it would take an hour for me to finish reading it. He had mentioned the days we were friends in the college and had said that they still remain green. He had written that he listened to “O maname” song from “Ullam Ketkume” wherein, the hero would happen to attend his girl’s marriage [Shaam would attend Asin’s marriage, and Asin would be a Brahmin J]. He had said that he can relate to that song very well. Laughter was at the tip of my lips on reading this, but I didn’t wanna laugh. It was kinda immature to me but I didn’t wanna despise that email. I just wanted to leave it at that. Am a person who normally replies to a one-liner email with a 4-liner, but I chose not to reply this email. I just moved it to trash. I never have felt guilty as I had never intended, or rather imagined to pull a guy towards me. I had always felt my slate is clean. Anyways.

Oh yeah. That American guy left me to retrospect, which led to comparisons between these western guys and our native guys. This proposal never made me feel special unlike the others in the past [hehehehe]. I wanna censure this white guy to be disregarding relationships rather than complimenting him to be emotionally stable. I had heard/read/seen the western morality but I tasted it myself this time.

A 2-min American proposal and a 2-hour thinking left me just one notion that our guys are the best.

I salute you guys!!!!!

PS: No disrespect intended to any one.

I was waiting for the bus to get to my home from a shopping mall. There came the bus and after boarding it, I noticed the bus filled with adolescents probably of age 13. May be the bus came from a place populated with schools and it was off-school time in the evening. I didn’t have a seat to sit and my back pack was straining my shoulders. The bus was filled with pandemonium and I heard here and there “I am czhazy over that cazh (the slang of replacing “r” with “zh” sound :) ), you know its jus awesome”, “can you take your fxxking hands off my shoulders”, “Oh my Gaud, that class reelly reelly sucked” (you would have known its “oh my god, that class really really sucked”), etc. I have the habit of observing the people around me and those kids were really a feast. There was a gang sitting in front of me and I started watching what they do.

Everyone was in hunky-funky dresses, a girl wearing her spaghetti over her long sleeved tshirt and a guy wearing his jean not on his waist but almost on his knees. He had tried hard to make it stick to his thighs with a belt. I pity that belt. In that age, I knew no dress other than my uniform and got reminded of those days wherein I was not allowed to attend the prayer just because my socks wasn’t tidy.

A kid picked up a make-up kit from her bag and started patching up her eye shadows and lipstick. I was getting reminded of the days when I was in the 8th grade and I wasn’t even knowing there was something called a fairness cream existing. Whatever mom did to me was the so-called make-up for me. Never really bothered if my tie knot was proper or my shoe was properly buckled or the powder was overdone on face or the flower on my head was looking odd like a headlight.

A kid was making hip-hop moves as she was listening to some song over her mobile. I wasn’t even having a landline phone at home when I was a kid. Why that? I remember the cable tv connection being given when I entered college. Another kid was doing something with his PDA. I remember writing the class periods in a timetable sheet and sticking it at my home.

I saw a girl asking a guy “can you take your hands off my shoulders?” The guy asked “Why?”. The girl replied “coz you are a gay and I hate you”. My jaw dropped on hearing this. They speak about homosexuals. Did I even know at that age that the opposite sexes attract each other?

The bus halted at a stop and a lady got in. She came and stood beside me. She was wearing a thick spectacle and a teeth clip. The girls in front of us started passing comments and were chortling within themselves. Though the comments were private, it was very evident from their gestures that they were about this lady. I never dared to comment on anyone and had always thought twice before lampooning the best of the best friends even.

One was sloppily throwing the books here and there. I was thinking “may be he is too ingenious that he completed studying it and its no more required”. How much importance have we given to our books? If anyone makes a dog-ear in my book, he/she is gone.

I sensed something repeatedly hitting my legs from behind (I was standing with the support of a pole) and turned back to see what it was. There was a guy sitting in the seat behind me and was swinging his legs back and forth, hitting me every time. I expected him to say sorry when I looked at him but I got just a nonchalant expression in return. Giving him a cold stare, I moved aside. I would have sought pardon thousand times had I been in that position as a kid.

I don’t mean to say the people in our generation were all subservient and they were stainless. We had also been relentless when we were kids but I feel we always had a sense of reverence and fear in whatever we did.

I might get a comment “you are a fruit, may be you should learn taking these light”. or I might get a comment “you are no miss.perfect, to speak about these”. I don’t mind as I wasn’t that bad a fruit or that bad a rogue.

I admit that the kids of today are far matured and they know a lot at early ages, they are given a lot of exposure, which is apparent. But the kids of today being lackadaisical about their demeanor cannot be left tacit.

Whatever it is, I got reminded of my childhood and adolescence on seeing them and I wish there was a way to go back to those times. There had been days where I was happy on hearing the age of heroines, being proud that I was younger than them. Now, the thought that all the new faces are at least a year younger than me really sucks. Sounds silly eh. Am a girl after all.

My rants were distracted by the talk of the bus driver. He and a passenger were talking to each other. When I started listening to them, I was smiling to myself as they were speaking about the kids too. The driver was expressing his concern that the kids of today hold no respect for elders, for studies, etc.

Now comes the interesting part (of course for me).

My involvement was hindered by a joggle of the bus and it was my stop. When I said a thank you to the driver while getting off, he said “you are welcome. Study well kid. You gotta get a nice job alright. Pay respect to everyone”. I was really happy on hearing this and told him “thanks a lot, but I would like to tell you that I am not studying but working in a reputed concern”. He said “you gotta be kidding”. I said “I wish I really was kidding” and started walking towards my home with a cheerful thought that I look young.

On my way home, I got reminded of one more instance which happened 6 months back.
I was in Aliso Viejo and I was walking towards my office. On my way was a school zone and there was a volunteer directing the traffic of kids and the cars in a T-intersection as it was peak hour. I was walking at a greater pace as I was late and wanted to cross the intersection. I guess I gave the impression to the volunteer that I wouldn’t wait for her direction. On seeing me approaching the intersection, she said “wait wait, cars first, kids next”. Hurrah!!!!!! You should have seen my face then. I was trying to keep it as innocuous as a kid to stand up to her words. ROFL.

I wish my mom doesn’t read this. If she does, then the 2 apples, badams, cashews, date fruits (what not) which she says she would give me daily when I go there, would become 10 each. :(

Woops!!!!

One of the most important days in my life just passed by. It was my engagement. The engagement was to take place at Chennai. My marriage is the most awaited as am the only girl child for entire family and as it’s the first marriage in the immediate generation after my dad’s that’s gonna happen. My dad wanted to ask me before doing anything (I am the only child for my parents) but I wasn’t within his reach. The mode of information transfer between us had been gtalk, that too during weekends [kudos daddy…there are only a hand full of fathers who have explored chatting, browsing and orkutting and am proud you are one such]. I gotta tell you all an instance [I don’t mind deviating for telling something about my role model] that happened a few months back. Dad wanted to send some photos to me and he was asking me the best way to do it. I just told him he can upload them in picasa and went to see the dish that was cooking. When I went back to chat after 5 mins, and told my dad that I’ll direct him how to upload the photos, he coolly said “check your mail. I have sent the album link”. I got apoplexic when he said “I have put the album under unlisted and have shared the link. You can download the album. I don’t wanna go public”. I wasn’t able to say anything other than “Dad!! You drive me crazy”.

Ok back now.

Me and my fiancé are in USA and we were not in a position to go for our engagement. When I told this to my friends, some said “What? That is weird!”, some other said “You gotta be kidding”, “Is it a love marriage?” and the guy who tried to woo me asked “Are you trying to play some prank or something?”. I was tired telling “people!!! Its an arranged marriage, we are not able to make it to the engagement and that’s all about it”. They really instilled a feel in me “is the engagement without both the bride and the groom that weird?”.

Sunday 3PM was the engagement in India, which was Saturday 1.30AM midnight for me. On Sunday morning, parents and all my other relatives were getting ready to go to the venue. I gave them a call to know what was happening. Mom said she wanted to see me before the engagement and asked me to show myself up in the webcam. So did I [did I tell you this was the first time they are seeing me live in a cam?]. They also had a cam. The moment my dad saw me in the cam, he said “you are not Anu. Go call my daughter”. He claimed I have changed a lot and it was hard for him to relate the webcam face to that of his daughter’s when she left India. Somewhere in the corner of my heart a murky pain struck me – Has my dad forgotten my face? Well, he cannot be blamed, I had/do shown/show a huge metamorphosis in my appearance. It’s close to a year since he saw me and it’s enough time for metamorphosis.

My mom on seeing me shed tears and was showering an array of flying kisses - typical of a mother. Everybody was showing all the things they are gonna display and they were telling it’s gonna be really a grandeur. Oh, how much I missed the occasion!!!! I very much wanted to see what my dad had done for my engagement.

I was very restless here, it was midnight for me. I very much wanted to be there in the venue, to see the rituals. The bride and the groom’s parents would be the center of attraction for this ceremony and I wanted to see how my parents presented themselves.
I gave my aunt a call at 2AM my time, thinking that atleast the hymns would fall in my ears. My aunt picked my call up and said “Hi Anu. Your engagement is going on very well. We are right now very busy. Can you call us after half-an-hour?” I was yelling “Come on guys!!!! It’s my engagement, it’s the bride who is calling up. You are asking me to call later? That’s overmuch”. No response from the other end. My aunt had hung up long before. I was blaming my fate.

It was 2.30AM for me and was lying sleepless on my bed, pretty sure of my fiancé being half-way through a snoring sleep in his home by then. Then I called up my uncle and thankfully, he said I shall be on line listening to the hymns they chant and he was also giving a running commentary about what was happening.

After the engagement, everybody out there was jostling to speak with me and I had to give a word or two to everyone. Uff..finally I gained attention. Everybody said the function went on great. Dad and mom gave the usual cries expressing their agony that everybody was there except the two of us. Mom was describing about the saree my to-be-in-laws have bought for me – typical of a woman. Dad said they have written over the sugar crystals, my fiance's name with gems chocolate and my name with jeera mithai as analogous to our body weights :) He was also telling they have proved that they are from Erode by displaying the mysore paks in a huge silver thookku, like how an authentic Erode community would do. I dunno what all humors my dad let out. I missed them.

I felt very nostalgic when I heard the chitchats of people. I was just able to hear the festive mood but I wasn’t able to feel it. My dad fuelled my pain by telling “you will be Miss. Muralitharan no more, my child”. It was too much for me to swallow and my eyes swelled up. Threatening my lachrymal glands that they should spare enough tears for the marriage, I hung up.

There was a party here in USA thrown by his relatives to celebrate our engagement and it was a bit consoling. But needless to say that it’s no compensation to being with all the people from both the sides swarming around you. My engagement was just virtual to me. I hope I would have fun on my marriage.

Everyone encounters instances in life wherein major decisions are to be made. Life gave me too an instance 6 months back, wherein I had to choose between India and USA. I was sent to be onsite at the USA in March, 2007 by one of the giants of the IT industry in India. Discontentment crept into me during the initial days of my service at this giant's and as days rolled away, it ramified into a huge force that drove me to the brink of bitterness. It was at this juncture, I was sent onsite. After reaching USA, I had 3 months and 2 options in hand to decide. I could either choose to go back to India or seek a job in the USA and quit the current employer. I didn't have the luxury of taking more time to decide over as I had come on a 3-month assignment. Taking a week to discern if US is the place for me, I decided I would stay in US for few more years. I started floating my resume on my 6 th day in the US. My resume allured pretty nice count of companies and I managed to receive offer from 2 companies, out of which I committed to join the leader in my domain. I was put through certain undesirable situations by my then-current employer as I quit. After joining the new concern, I got an offer from the protagonist of Windows. Anyone would be tempted by such an offer and I was no exception. But I politely denied it as my conscience didn't allow me to ditch the new concern. Needless to say that the quit from my first concern was haunting me already and I wasn't ready for a double-haunt. Hence I decided to stick on to the committed company and here I am blogging sitting in my cubicle using the official laptop very effectively. At times I question myself – did I make a wise decision? The dollar salary here is fascinating. The work culture is pleasing. I learn a lot. I am independent here and this life teaches me to execute things being a solitary person. This life augments my maturity and confidence. There are no eyes which pierce into me when I wear different. The law is strict. Life is deluxe. My decision to stay here invited many wows from my friends, one said I am a bravado, one said I am a girl of achievements, one said he envies me. Parents are gleaming with pride telling people that their daughter is in the US. Relatives ask their kids to have me as a role model. OK….eazy…..enough of conceit. Apart from all these prattles, I cannot refrain from questioning me about my honesty, which I was considering to be one of my venerable traits. I was a newbie in the industry when I joined that first concern. It gave me a reverent place in the software industry by accommodating me in its family. It taught me professionalism. The credit of transfiguring me from a college kid to a corporate personality goes to it. I learnt time management. I got to know what prioritization is. I learnt how to team-play. It gave me an opportunity to go overseas. And one fine day, I say to it "am leaving ya". It seemed it slapped me on my face asking me "what happened to your resident loyalty?" I just say "M.Y.O.B." to it and proceed in my path, convincing myself that what I did wasn't something ethereal. Come on. Everybody does it! Brushing aside my remorse associated with profession, if I lay back and think about the personals, I become utterly nostalgic. I have money. Am I able to spend it over my dad's birthday? I am cooking. Is my mom able to see it and cherish it? I get laurels. Am I able to seek blessing from my parents? I have put on weight. Are my relatives able to see how I am? I am big time into "House M.D, Law and Order, Desperate Housewives". Where are "Airtel Super Singer, Saregamapa" allied with dad's comments? I get pat on shoulders for remarkable finds at work. Where are my cousin's hugs for telling him a forgotten line of a song? My breakfast is milk, rusk, cereals. Where r my mom's idli, upma, pongal? I cuddle up under comforter. Where is my grandma's lap? I sleep till 11 during weekends. Where are the nudges from mom? I hardly speak with my old friends. Where have all the sms's gone? I hardly remember birthdays of friends. Where are my friends who fry me in pan when I forget to wish them? ["fry me in pan" should be replaced with "baking me in oven". Well, am in the US man]. One email carries my wishes to my friends for their marriage. Where are my desires to fine dress myself for my friends' marriages? I say "can u call me after 9, incoming isn't free na". Where are my "cant u call me from your extention at office? Felt like speaking with u". There are many where's and why's in life. Though these questions about honesty, family are persistent, I still continue to stick on to my decision and I never repent it. Its just a phase which I face some day when time is graceful enough to render its support to make me think about these. Otherwise, life just moves on! Did I make a wise decision? – I would say yes. I haven't been skeptic about my decision making capability and I don't want to.