Aham Vyaktam

I am rickety for reason unknown from yesterday. I feel like rebelling against anything and everything. Even the simplest of things seems to annoy me. I feel like yelling and hitting someone. Why? I don’t know. I am trying to pull all the reasons that come in my mind and try to match it with my behavior but I don’t get the match quite correct. Is it because I am being given a hard time at work by a couple of people who are mulling over my defect for over a week, exchanging hundreds of emails? Is it because there are too many things in my check list to be taken care of and they are putting my peace of mind and confidence in jeopardy? Is it because am becoming very nostalgic of late? Is it because of the wound in my finger caused by a knife, which is so deeply cut to such an extent that it bled for 2 days every time I removed the band-aid to nurse it? They say when you have your physique aching, you turn hysteric. Or is it because work is a lil lazy for the past 2 weeks and am forced to seek things out of my way to engage myself? I really don’t know.

I am like this right from yesterday morning. I don’t even bother to smile at my roomie while getting ready in the morning. I go to office and I, known to be a non-stop nonsense, don’t speak quite well with the team.

When I had to go out of office yesterday afternoon, the weather joined its hands with whatever that’s bothering me. It was scorching hot and I felt as if the sun was piercing a straw into my head and was sucking the whole of me.

I got a sudden feel of longing for my grandma’s lap, and was wondering how it had the eternal cool warmth being a refuge to me helping me forget myself. I would forget all the worries and would catch immediate sleep unbothered on one touch of hers. I was brought back to the present by the honk of a car. I had to wait for my bus in the hell of the heat. I felt like changing into a bikini and plunging into a lake with none around and getting drugged by its comfort.

I got into the bus. I usually like traveling by any means for that matter, no matter how frequently and how long I travel. I enjoy every bit of traveling and I never get over-dosed by it. But this time, I was dragging myself to wherever I had to go. This bus travel was no fascinating and I traveled just coz I had to.

I closed my eyes and sat. I kept getting quirky thoughts, which made me myself feel if I have multiple personality disorder or something. I imagined myself masoning a house.
I saw Harry Potter laughing at me. Who am I? wow, I have now taken up the role of Hermione Granger. Then I saw myself in a classroom, attempting to do an orthographic projection in engineering drawing. Then I thought myself ushered to arm-wrestle with some unknown. Then I imagined myself as a member of Ku Klux Klan, which is the scariest of all my craps. That very thought jolted me back to mySelf. I know it will give an impression that am cooking a psycho out of myself. So I pulled my ipod out to put a bump ahead of my racing imagination horse.

I sunk in a beautiful song. The next song screeched aloud and tore my tympanum out fueling my already irritated mind, that I felt like dashing it against a wall. I felt the ipod is doing no good and so grabbed to my rescue, my habit of observing people. I chose this girl who, by her talks, seemed just graduated. She was preparing herself for the graduation day and was discussing with her friends about dressing. She was telling how shes gonna dress up and that she wants to be the best dressed girl in the party. I, when I had been normal, would have just uttered a smile within myself but this time, I just felt like yelling “you cocky biyatch” at her, to my shame.

I reached home to see my roomie there and bid a reluctant hi to her. I usually ask her about her problems with a concerned note but this time I completely disregarded her. she was saying that she needs to gift one of her friends and was asking me some suggestions and didn’t pay a damn. Sorry my girl – I turn unchivalrous at times. I sincerely apologize!

I sat to watch “So You think You can Dance” with no particular interest unlike usual. Where’s the girl who keeps amused and wowing for every performance? I don’t know.

I had a feel that I should speak with someone close to me. I had my close friends well within reach and I called one of them. I just did usual enquiries and hung up. Above everyone, I had Hari who is more than someone who could listen to me and who can comfort me beyond the ways I want. I called him up and was only able to say “I called you just like that”.

Am I a psychopath? Or am I detached? I don’t wanna consider am either coz I somehow feel everyone goes through such a state seldom without giving it much attention. It just seems a big deal to people, of course like me, who over-kill their brains magnifying even simple matters. Despite my idiotism, I feel am handling myself pretty good by remaining aloof from everything and everyone, giving myself the space to breathe and return to normalcy.

I thought blog is a place where I can vent everything out and it certainly helped. I would have made a fool out of myself though. But I don’t care!

பாலைவனமாய் இருந்தது பேருந்து நிறுத்தம்..
இருபது நிமிடங்களாக காத்திருக்கிறேன்
இன்னும் பத்து நிமிடங்கள் கரைக்க வேண்டியிருந்தது

பே ஏரியாவில் இந்தியர்கள் அதிகம் என்றார்களே
எங்கு பார்த்தாலும் வெள்ளையர்கள்
அதிலும் பெண்கள் மிகக் குறைவு

கண்கள் மூடி அமர்ந்திருந்த நான்
லேசாக இடப்பக்கம் திரும்பிப் பார்த்தேன்
தூரத்தில் ஒரு பெண் நடந்து வந்து கொண்டிருந்தாள்

நிச்சயம் இந்தியப்பெண்
வேறு யாருக்கு வரும் இந்த நளினம்
வெற்றாக இருந்த மனம் துரிதமானது
onsite வந்திருக்கும் software engineer ஆக இருப்பாளோ

இடப்பக்கம் நின்றாள்
எனக்கும் அவளுக்கும் பத்து அடி தூரம்
முகம் தெரியவில்லை
மிகச்சிறிய உடலமைப்பு
எளிமையான தோற்றம்

சிறிது முன்னால் நகர்ந்தேன்
முகம் தெரியும் என நினைத்து

வந்தாள் ஒரு வெள்ளைப்பெண் அவளை நோக்கி
இவள் அவள் பக்கம் திரும்பி பேச ஆரம்பித்தாள்
சே! உள்ளதும் போயிற்று என நினைக்கும்போது
இவள் அவளிடம் சைகையில் ஏதோ சொல்ல
அவள் நகர்ந்தாள்
இவள் அவளுக்கு வழி சொன்னாள் போல..

எனக்கு மறுபடியும் அவளது பாதி உருவம்
பேருந்து வரும் பாதையே பார்த்தாள்
ஏனடி என் பக்கம் திரும்ப மாட்டேன் என அடம்!

காற்று வேகமாக அடித்தது
என்னைக் கடந்து அவளை நோக்கி
அவள் கேசம் கலைத்து

அவள் முகத்தில் கேசம் விழுந்திருக்க வேண்டும்
என்னை நோக்கித் திரும்பினாள்
காற்றை எதிர்கொண்டு கேசம்-முகம் ஊடல் முறிக்க

எனை விட்டுச்சென்ற காற்றை நொந்துகொண்ட நான்
உடனே வாபஸ் வாங்கி, நன்றி கூறினேன்
காற்று எதிர் திசையில் சென்று
அவள் கண்களை என் திசையில் திருப்பியதற்காக!

அவள் முகம் நன்றாக தெரிந்தது - முழுக்க சாத்விகம்
கண்ணாடி இல்லாமல் இன்னும் லக்ஷனமாக இருப்பாள்.

கேசத்தை கோதிவிட்டு முதன் முறையாய் என்னை பார்த்தாள்!

அட! சட்டென திரும்பிவிட்டாளே!
என் கண்கள் அவள் கண்களை சந்தித்துக்கொண்டிருப்பது தெரிந்தும்
அவள் கண்டுகொள்ளவில்லையே!

ஒரு வெள்ளையனை பார்த்திருந்தால் புன்னகைத்திருப்பாள்
தெரியாதவர்களுக்கும் "hello how are you" கேட்கும் கலாசாரமாயிற்றே!
நான் இந்தியன் என்பதால் இந்திய கலாசாரம் அவளுள் புகுந்து விட்டதா?
ஒரு சிரிப்பு சிரித்தால் என்னவாம்.

அவள் ஒரு பேருந்தில் ஏற தயாரானாள்
தைரியத்தை துணைக்குக் கூப்பிட்டு
அவளிடம் சென்று "hello how are you" என்றேன்
அவள் "fine, thank you" என்றாள்

"are you waiting for bus?" என்றேன்
"என்ன அபத்தமான கேள்வி" என்று நினைத்துக் கொண்டிருக்கும்போதே
சொன்னாள் "No, I drove this bus and it broke down, waiting for mechanic" என்றாள்

அட! இவள் நக்கல் கூட அடிப்பாளா?
சிரித்தாள்
கையிலிருந்த தாள் பார்த்து "நீங்க தமிழா" என்றாள்

நான் ஆச்சரியத்தில் "ஓ! நீங்களும் தமிழா" என்று வழிந்தேன்
"பஸ் வந்தாச்சு. பை" சொல்லிப் பறந்தாள்

நான் இதை எழுதிக்கொண்டு அவள் ஏறிய பஸ்ஸில் தான்
நானும் ஏற வேண்டும் என்பதை மறந்தேன்

மறுபடியும் பாலைவனத்தில் 30 நிமிடங்கள்....

I was pushed to the state of insecurity last month. I did whatever I could to break that insecurity and I smelt success too. Now am pushed to the state of keeping my fingers crossed for something good to happen, something which I really want. And am hoping that I will be pushed to the state of ambivalence next week, of course for good, unable to decide what to go for. I already have two possessions which are pretty good themselves, yet unable to convince myself to go for either of them. Mind still yearns for something better. Call it greed or discontent or whatever. Though mind craves for the third one, I am not willing to desert the two existing ones. I don’t want to desert one coz I love it so much and feel it’s the best fit in all aspects. I don’t want to desert the other despite it having some minuses coz it came back to me though I had already deserted it once and so am now under the clench of courteousness. I certainly cannot have both. I just brush both these aside, though both of them like me so much and they want me desperately and I keep looking for the third one, which is really turning me on and off, making me wait for long. It once gives an impression that its going to be mine and wipes that thought off the next jiffy making me think I have lost it. I have done everything in my ability to own it and now its upto it to choose whom it should go to. I cannot hold the other two on for long and I have to choose one fast. Am afraid the two would leave me if I keep mum not telling them anything. I cannot tell one of them yes right now – what if the third comes back to me tomorrow? I cannot tell no too – what if the third deserts me – scared to think being void without any of them. There’s a parallel nag. Its just my thought that the third one is the best. But what if I get the third one finally and it turns out to be just as equal as the other two? All my wait for it would go in vain then, I’ll not be loosing anything though. I shall still say a yes to the one which am comfortable with and be happy. Overall, it’s a win-win for me I feel. But the knack lies in me arriving at a decision at the right time.

Wish me prudence !!!!

Caution: This post will be a lackluster for non-techies or may be even for techies. The author suggests the reader not to go ahead if he/she is allergic to technical stuff :) [especially Project Managers LOL, pun intended to you-know-who] The other techies – be content if you know how to do these stuff; no worries if these are Espanol to you as there are many sailing in the same boat like me.

Last week was terrible at work. I was pissed off to such an extent that I started throwing everything like a lunatic and my teammate had to ask me leave the place, freshen my mind and come back. Whatever we engaged in, went on toss and not a single thing worked. We had been brooding over them for nearly 3 days but in vain. They were completely new stuff for us and none knew how to proceed. I’ll not be surprised if Google comes back to us with an accolade saying we used their search engine efficiently or sues us for having hogged their servers requesting too many pages.

We had to install Support Pack 7 for Netware 6.5 server. The pain started off with the SP7 not going in one CD and we had to burn a DVD, only to realize that the server didn’t have a DVD drive. So we had to hook up a USB DVD drive, which led us into a different problem. After loading the cddvd NSS file, the DVD was detected and mounted as a NSS volume. But we were not knowing the way to access NSS volume so that we can read the contents of the DVD. Googling went on and on with various search patterns starting from “how to access USB DVD in NW6.5” to “how to access NSS volumes”. The administrative guide said we have to load the cddvd NSS file, by which the CD gets mounted as NSS volume and from there on, you can use it as any other NSS volume. We were like “come on man. We know it. Tell me how to access NSS volume”. I wish the admin guide had ears.

We sensed there’s no point in dragging it and so put the SP7 in 2 CDs and copied the files to the server through the CD drive itself. Finally started installing the SP7. When it asked me if the backup of files is to be done, I gave a yes to be safe. It took nearly 30 mins and came back and said its left with only 3MB and cannot do a backup. [why the hell did it take 30 mins to report it man?] The installation terminated. [why wasn’t it user friendly to ask me if it can proceed with the installation without backup?] Had to start all over again. This time I asked it not to do a backup. Before the install could start, the user was prompted for the username and password, and there came another hitch. In Netware, during SP install, you need to provide the user name in the format “CN=username.O=context”, wherein username and context would have been given during fresh install of Netware. We didn’t know the context part as nobody made a note of it anywhere. Trying different contexts didn’t work. And again we had to exit the installation to go back to the console and grab the context.

Started the install all over again expecting some problem to popup. But this time the installation ended. But when it came up after a reboot, it reached the console screen, unlike usual, wherein it reaches the Netware GUI. The execution of startx loaded the required NLMs but the GUI didn’t start. sheesh!!!!!

As we had a customer request that is to be completed in a week, we decided to manage with the console itself. We had to install the new drivers for our HBAs in the Netware server. We followed the procedure to do it and we had no clue if it went successful or not as the OS didn’t report any thing. So we went and checked the version which was showing 6.9.15. We were supposed to install 6.9o. Now I repented for having made the blunder of not noting the version before starting the upgrade. We thought the upgrade didn’t go well as it was showing 6.9.15 and tried it multiple times. Then we came to know 6.9o is called as 6.9.15 too. Damn!!!! How am I supposed to know when there’s nothing in the server denoting it atleast in brackets?

Another parallel problem which was going on was installation of VMWare ESX 3.5. Our client demanded that it’s to be installed on a 64-bit machine. We had only a few 64’s and choosing a server to do this itself took us about an hour. Once we chose the machine, we put the ESX 3.5 CD in it and rebooted the machine. Started the installation. Suddenly we lost the connection to the server from our KVM and it was displaying “Out of range”. Now what? Then we came to know that the install screen is of mismatching resolution with that of the KVM. So we hooked up a monitor and keyboard to the server and completed the installation. Once the server came up, it wasn’t able to detect the storage. What are we to do with a void system without storage? How am I to create virtual machines without storage? After half-a-day of delving, we found that the SATA in the server is not compatible to hold ESX 3.5. Phew!!!!

Then chose a HP Blade Server 64-bit to install ESX. None had worked on Blade servers in my team and we found it difficult to even boot from the CD. Win2K3 was booting up properly but the ESX didn’t, reporting virtual media not found. :(

We left that as such and migrated to another task of upgrading our multipathing s/w in all the servers. This had a few little hurdles when it came to HPUX like sharing the CDROM, mounting it in HPUX (which initially didn’t auto-detect the drive and I had to do an ioscan followed by insf to install device files) and then access it. The upgrade started and ended pronto, reporting “no space in /opt”. Okayyyyy….Now we had to extend the logical volume of /opt, for which we had to reboot the system to get into single user mode and then extend it. Once it was extended, we again started the upgrade which went on fine this time. The server was rebooted and when it came up, we started mounting the logical volumes from our storages. It failed displaying “no device or address” error. There came the most painful process. We had to delete the /etc/lvmtab and recreate it with new volume groups and lvols. And finally the server was set.

Parallelly, we had to install linux 5. my teammate had requested the lab administrator for the linux 5 CD and the admin had said he had kept it on our lab desks. When we looked for it, we found only one linux 5 CD with a like-license-key written on it. I went and told my teammate satirically that I never knew linux came in a single CD :) When we were speculating what does a license key written over the CD have to do with linux and whether it requires us to register in the redhat site and get the remaining CDs on providing that key, my teammate decided to phone up the admin ask him what it is all about. The reply he got was “you had asked only for CD1 in your email. So I gave you only the CD1”. My team mate, who was confused, told him that he wanted all the CDs and hung up. He went and checked his email to the admin and it read “Can you pls give us the linux 5 update 1 CD?”. Heck!!!! He mistook the “1” for “update” to be for CD. How dumb. Will the “update” stand alone and will it not strike a newbie even that the update would have a number? Uffff…..i asked my teammate who the admin is and he showed me his name in the email. He was a sardarji. LOL. Are all the sardarji jokes true then? Mmmm…..

Wasn’t it a hard time at work? Yeah, I can hear a loud yes.

Attempting to break the jinx. I hope there’s no spell cast on me this week.

This is an instance which left me completely blank, not knowing how to react.

Featuring: Me and my American colleague

Anu: Wassup dawg?

Victor: Hey. Got 2 minutes? Wanna speak with you. Patio?

Anu: Sure. Any problem?

Victor: None and its personal.

Anu: Oh

Victor: I have a good news. Am in love.

Anu: Wow. Congrats!!!!!

Victor: Will you marry me?

Anu: Wh Wh What the …..

Victor: Hey cool. No anger and no yelling alright? I just felt, I said. Just say yes or no.

Anu: Didn’t it strike you am engaged?

Victor: Well, you are just committed, not married, are you? I wouldn’t have cared if you were married too.

Anu: Was that supposed to be taken as a good news by me?

Victor: Answer is what I need.

Anu: You know it. You needn’t wait to hear it from me too.

Victor: Alright. Am getting engaged. Wish me luck.

Anu: (Frown)

Victor: I liked two girls and you are one among them. I already proposed to another girl and she accepted. I still wanted to propose to you and marry you if you accepted. Now that you denied, am getting engaged with the other girl. Isn’t that a good news now? Ok. Thanks for your 2 mins. Catch you later.

Anu: (speechless. How am I supposed to react? ) Congrats. All the best. Bye.



This was the shortest proposal I have ever heard/seen. It ended in a jiffy. It was hard for me to detect if he was serious or playing some prank on me.

This wasn’t the first time someone is proposing to me but this was a lil eerie and it left me blank. I had always been a girl who had delved deeper trying to analyze what invited a proposal, but this time, I didn’t feel I have to.

This American proposal was precise, direct, no drama, the guy wasn’t sweating and swallowing the driblets in his throat and there was no trace of hard feeling on his face when I denied and I liked it. But when I sat back and thought about it, there arose a questionnaire for which I could hardly answer.

Why did he propose to me, myself being poles apart from him, with respect to habits, ethnicity, et al? Why would a guy propose to a girl, when another girl had just accepted him and they had planned to get engaged? How dare he proposed to me knowing am engaged? How did he take my denial so easily? Does it mean he is not a guy who is serious about relationships and he just needed a companion to hang out with? I dunno.

This proposal made me go hind a coupla years and more – my college, my school, when I received proposals. Obviously a beautiful girl like me [lifting my collar, shrugging my shoulders, raising my eyebrows) would receive in umpteens, wouldn’t she? [Fine. I know that’s too much. To quench your “errrrrrrr” reaction, here I go:] Any girl, irrespective of whether she’s a great beauty or average-looking, would have received atleast a proposal during her journey from 15 to getting committed and I was no exception.

I had always wanted an arranged marriage and denied every proposal that came in. I have seen guys feeling very bad once you deny their proposal. They will always wear a pitiful look. They hesitate to see you on your eyes. I have realized, lost-love-guy-reactions they show in the movies are no exaggerations. The reactions would be at heights when it comes to “your best friend -> loves you -> proposes -> you deny -> you keep away from him”.

At such instances, at the corner of your heart, you would feel nice since attention was being given to you. The feeling that a guy is yearning for you would make you feel feminine [well, we cannot be blamed. If guys brood over the failure, creating so much drama, girls will take advantage of it]. But that’s just in a corner of your heart. Genuinely you would feel sorry for him with all your heart but there would be nothing you could do about it. It’s just a phase and you have to pass it, thinking things would be fine as time rolls on and would teach the people, maturity. I was sure that there would come a day wherein, those guys when thinking about this, would hit their forehead laughing, realizing how stupid they have been.

There was one such best friend of mine in my college. He was my best friend in college and turned a guy who loves me after we were out of college. I had always chosen to keep away from the guys who had proposed to me and I did the same with him. We lost touch and last month when I was informing my friends of my engagement, I got reminded of him. I ransacked my diaries and got his number, gave him a call and told him I got engaged and will be sending him invitation for marriage and hung up. Two days back I received an email from him and I almost fainted. It was a 200-liner email. I thought it would take an hour for me to finish reading it. He had mentioned the days we were friends in the college and had said that they still remain green. He had written that he listened to “O maname” song from “Ullam Ketkume” wherein, the hero would happen to attend his girl’s marriage [Shaam would attend Asin’s marriage, and Asin would be a Brahmin J]. He had said that he can relate to that song very well. Laughter was at the tip of my lips on reading this, but I didn’t wanna laugh. It was kinda immature to me but I didn’t wanna despise that email. I just wanted to leave it at that. Am a person who normally replies to a one-liner email with a 4-liner, but I chose not to reply this email. I just moved it to trash. I never have felt guilty as I had never intended, or rather imagined to pull a guy towards me. I had always felt my slate is clean. Anyways.

Oh yeah. That American guy left me to retrospect, which led to comparisons between these western guys and our native guys. This proposal never made me feel special unlike the others in the past [hehehehe]. I wanna censure this white guy to be disregarding relationships rather than complimenting him to be emotionally stable. I had heard/read/seen the western morality but I tasted it myself this time.

A 2-min American proposal and a 2-hour thinking left me just one notion that our guys are the best.

I salute you guys!!!!!

PS: No disrespect intended to any one.

I saw this movie Pride and Prejudice last week. It was released in 2005 and I know am the last person to see it, yet, I wanted to do a line or two about this movie now, as I liked it very much.

My guy was excited about the movie as it had Keira Knightley starring, while I was wondering if I would get anyone in the movie to drool over. The movie commenced with every cast uttering “Mr. Bingley” which made me think he is the hero of the movie. When I saw Simon Woods as Mr. Bingley, I was a little disappointed, duhing as my notion that the guys would look stupid in regency-style costumes came true. As I was cursing the director of the movie since my guy had someone to admire at, to my envy and vice versa couldn’t happen, there came a handsome good-looking guy who, everybody quoted Mr. Darcy. Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy was a perfectly adorable thing with his magnificence glowing in that attire. I was wishing he should be shown through out the movie, irrespective of him being a hero or not [As I haven’t read the novel, nothing I knew about which character has what importance]. The story was moving on only to teach me that Mr. Darcy is the man of the movie. The movie was after the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I heard that the depiction in the novel was so emoting that it brings a lady into tears when she reads it.

While my guy kept saying that there’s something about Keira though she isn’t that great a beauty and that her eyes speak and have a tickling mischief, I was ogling at Matthew, completely disregarding the person next to me.

I was awe-struck by the dialogues in the movie. I would say the beauty of the movie was vested with its dialogues and it was a relief to hear that the screenplay didn’t force them to be different from the original masterpiece of Jane Austen. I have to say that the dialogues were so long and the words embedded in them were bombastic that we had to turn the captions on in the TV to comprehend them. They were pleasant to the ears too and I wanted to redo the movie without captions to enjoy the verbal more. I wonder how many rehearsals they would have had to shoot a scene. But one thing which was nagging about the dialogue was the straight flow of them without any modulations while speaking which, I felt, killed the emotion in the voice the actors were trying to bring out. Everybody was plain in their vocals. May be the intention was to bring the emotions in the eyes and the face of the actors, than in their voices. Or may be that’s the way the parlance was at that age. I dunno. The movie makers know better I believe.

Mr. Darcy had done a really good job and my most favorite scene is the one wherein Mr. Darcy would have saved his dignity much by not showing on face that he’s hurt by the words of Lizzie when he proposes his love for her and she denies. The audience can however understand from his words that he’s hurt but he still maintains rigidness in his face not showing it.

Another thing which I liked in the movie is the bow everybody does as a sign of greeting the person they meet. It is such a graceful bow and I loved it.

The palaces where the movie is shot were gorgeous and the sculpture ensemble was a perfect fit.

It’s a nice story on the whole which can be given a go when you feel like doing nothing on a rainy gloomy Friday evening or watching something like a light stream without noise.

The following picture decorates my laptop as the wallpaper now, to the envy of you-know-who :)

Here are the snippets of dialogues in the movie which still buzz in my ears:

Netherfield Butler: A Mrs. Bennet, a Miss Bennet, a Miss Bennet and a Miss Bennet, sir.
Caroline Bingley: Oh for heaven's sake, are we to receive every Bennet in the country?

Mr. Collins: Every mind must have some counsellor to whom it may apply for consolation in distress. There are many conveniences which others can supply and we cannot procure. I have in view those objects which are only to be obtained through intercourse. Forgive me, through the intercourse of friendship or civility.

Mr. Darcy: Do you talk, as a rule, while dancing?
Elizabeth Bennet: No... No, I prefer to be unsociable and taciturn... Makes it all so much more enjoyable, don't you think?

Mr. Bennet: Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins... And I will never see you again if you do.

Elizabeth Bennet: Your unfortunate brother once had to put up with my playing for a whole evening.
Georgiana Darcy: But he says you play so well.
Elizabeth Bennet: Then he has perjured himself most profoundly.
Mr. Darcy: No I said, "played quite well."
Elizabeth Bennet: Oh, "quite well" is not "very well." I'm satisfied.

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?
Elizabeth Bennet: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
Elizabeth Bennet: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
Elizabeth Bennet: Well let me think...”Lizzie" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and...”Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
Elizabeth Bennet: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
Mr. Darcy: [he snickers] Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy?

Mr.Bennet: I cannot believe that anyone can deserve you. But it seems I am overruled. So I heartily give my consent. I could not have parted with you my Lizzie, to anyone less worthy.
Elizabeth Bennet: Thank you.
Mr.Bennet: If any young men come for Mary or Kitty, for heaven's sake, send them in. I'm quite at my leisure.

I called up my mom yesterday and she had a lot in store for me, the “lot” was spun around the same point though. After the usual enquiries about health and work, here goes the conversation between us:

Me: Anything noteworthy mom?

Mom: Nothing much. I wanted to tell you something since long about your to-be-mom-in-law.

Me: [aiyayo, is Saturn waiting] Any problem mom?

Mom: Not at all.

Me: [a sigh of relief though had a feel “is that a tranquil answer before storming”]

Mom: I kinda get a complex on seeing her you know. She is fair and beautiful. I feel a bit delicate to stand beside her while posing for photo [followed by a roaring laugh]

Me: Yeah she is. But you are young.

Mom: Huh…young??? Though she’s older than me in age, she looks far younger than me.

Me: Appearance isn’t all that matters mom. You are beautiful at heart.

Mom: She may be beautiful at heart too. You know she seems very active and looks like she bears many responsibilities and manages everything.

[Okay. Good that she’s pulling herself away from appearances. Appearance has never been my comfort zone.]

Me: Its okay mom, you are being submissive to dad and you let the head of the family do everything. You are a great wife right?

Mom: uhum. I was never given an opportunity to head anything other than manning the house-hold.

Me: You are a brave lady mom and you have the caliber to do anything.

[got a “pchhh” as a response from the other side. As the daughter-ism with the goal of boosting mom’s morale increased in me:]

Me: You are very good in planning mom. In your generation itself you had planned your family well and have given birth to only one kid.

Mom: That’s why am left with no support in my old age. You’ll get married and go away. Your to-be-mom-in-law has a daughter within reach and a son who will be with her till the end as a strong support.

Me: Mom. Brush that aside. See how you have shaped me up as a brave girl. You have taught me the ability to manage things solely.

Mom: Bravery and you? Your to-be-sis-in-law rides 2-wheeler. Do you know cycling atleast?

[Oops!!! Have I dug a pit under my foot myself? Me trying to pull some more subjects for my defence: ]

Me: Am petite and look young. And am healthy too mom. Being a lady you should be happy for having given birth to such a daughter J

Mom: Only you have to praise yourself and your physique. Your to-be-sis-in-law has a kinda richness in her face. She looks hale. Look at you. You seem gravely struck by poverty. People ask me if I have fed you.

[you decided not to spare me, dontcha? Me still having not reached the threshold of giving up:]

Me: It’s you who instilled in me the importance of education, as a result of which, I am a career aspirant now. I get more laurels at work. Aint you proud of me?

Mom: Don’t tell me that being a girl. Have you ever entered the kitchen when you were here? Today you tell me you prepare so many and are becoming a great cook. You have been atrocious here that am not ready to believe in what you say now. I know you are a girl who sheds tears when it comes to household. I have molded u bad. I bet your mom-in-law would have taught her daughter everything.

[Damage again. Mom was going on and on. My conscience popped up and asked me “is that enough Anu? Dare you speak anything more,…..I realize am losing]

Me: You have brought me up with the traits of a guy and a girl mom. Not everyone will be such a blend.

Mom: That is all am saying. You are more boyish is what my stand is. You proudly say to me that you got a ghagra for your engagement. Your sis-in-law had come in a saree for the occasion. You happily pose for your engagement with a brush-like-cannot-be-tied-hair. She had plaited her hair tidily and had come. When I ask you not to cut your hair before marriage, you ask me “cant I get married like this without tying it up” How dare you!!! Your mom-in-law had taught her daughter decorum. I failed.

[I am tired now. While I was trying to heave up the dignity of my mom, mine was somersaulting towards downhill.]

Me: Okay mom. I give up. Am not all that great, and we are not that great when compared to my in-laws. Happy?

Mom: [uttering a laughter] Just wanted to see till what extent you defend yourself and your parents. This is just the most dwarfish of conversations. There will be in store in the long run after marriage, many situations, wherein you’ll be kindled unnecessarily and forced to stand up to your new relatives defending you and your parents. None can be an exception to all such in a family, no matter how much amiable you are with others. At such instances, try not to drag the matter creating displeasure to the other person. That doesn’t mean you should leave our esteem lay behind as such. Say a word or two graciously and by remaining calm after that, you tell others what sort of girl you are and in turn what your parents are. That’s how I want you to keep our esteem high, not by being bitchy. Moreover, your priorities for your new family should precede those for us. Try not to give them a feel that you came as an alien into the family in the middle of their lives. I know my daughter is cerebral and can handle things well and win admiration.

Me: Are you still dubious if you are the best, mom?