Aham Vyaktam

So You Think You can Dance has become one of my favourite shows. I have been watching it only since the last season, missed 2 of the seasons before.

People say Jodi No 1 has been copied from this show, but saying so is absolutely derogatory to this American show because the JN standards cannot even stand a few hundred miles away from the standards of this show.

I was/am a person who watched/is watching this JN’s every episode without missing but that doesn’t mean am a fan of it. The latest season of JN has the pairs who have already participated in the previous seasons, even the winners. Why is that? Why should the contestants be only the celebrities? If you run out of celebrities who dance and perform, will you bring on board the previous contenders? That’s insane. Go pick the talents from the streets and showcase them, damn it. I saw JN’s season 3 promo and I wasn’t able to get rid of the girl-who-stamped-shit reaction. What the heck was that. It really didn’t suit you rustic guys and gals. Do what suits you, you dumbos. I don’t blame you for wearing those modern outfits but why do you jacks have to bear that master-of-all look. The one that provokes me the most is Pooja. Why do you have to always munch chicklet and over-act for anything and everything lady? You give the impression of a w*ore I tell you. [This is for “those” who claim me to the biggest fan of JN and this para is to openly disapprove of it]. I’ll be really happy if “those” people brand me to be the fan of So You Think You Can Dance.

Now back to this amazing American show. The talents are being picked from the mass and the choreographers train these people every week for their performances. They dance in pairs initially and as the competition ripens, their solos become important too, and the winner will be one girl/boy and not a pair. And of course, based on America’s voting. Every week after the performances, one boy and one girl will get cut till the final count of contestants are arrived at for the finale. They bring all the styles of dancing and I was applauding when they brought a bollywood routine on stage. The couple who danced it was unbelievably hilarious, except for certain authentic bollywood moves which were made hip-hop and Russian. But that can be forgiven undoubtedly. This is what I can call versatility. Thanks to the choreographers Nakul and Mala.

Every contender’s specialization would be contemporary or hip-hop and it’s quite amazing to see them adapt other styles starting from disco, and samba to ball room and jazz. And there are certain choreographers who embed so much of creativity in the routines, so much of story in the steps. And the contestants certainly do justice to that creativity by bringing it out so well. [A comparison of this to JN season 1 romance round Prem-Pooja performance, which was admired to be creative, leaves me to say “you are fools” to JN’s judges]. The best among the creative choreographers was Mia Michaels. Every routine of hers is just mind blowing. She’s undoubtedly the reigning queen of contemporary. Another one whom I like is Tyce, whose routines will be different too. The styles are so tough and require lot of energy and the dancers can easily be fatigued.

The contestants try their best not to let the fall of energy bleed onto the skin of the dance floor [I pirated this comment from the choreographer Lil’C who judged a week. Man..is he a choreographer or a professor of literature!! I have become a great fan of his vocabulary and eloquence].

I have a lot of favorites amongst the contenders. The one I loved the most was Kherington. She’s a dazzling beauty of 18, from California. She is extremely pretty and there had been no routine, in which I hadn’t fallen for her expressions. Her smile is just breath-taking. She has got the structure to dance, she’s got legs, she’s got everything boy. I just love her. She’s good at dancing too. Give her any style of dancing-she’ll rule. Give her buck, give her krump, she just takes completely a different arrogant personality for those styles, as against the assumed softness on seeing her face.







Another favorite is Twitch. I don’t have anything to say other than that he’s so muscular and majestic and really good at dancing. Am sure he is the one who’s gonna get all the teens’ votes.

I was so happy to see Twitch and Kherington paired and I loved every routine of them. The buck number is the one which I loved the most.





Katee and Will are technically very very sound. Both of them haven’t received any negative comment till now from the judges. I had always felt that Katee and Will should compete in the finale. They are the ones who deserve the stage till the end.

Apart from all these, the host Cat Deeley is a stunning beauty. However crappy a dress you ask her to wear, she can carry it. And she really has a nice sense of humour.

This show has some awful things like the judge Nigel gesticulating with his abnormal maxilla and mandible and the judge Marie lets out a scream as a token of her appreciation which drives everybody deaf. But it surely takes you to an absolute utopia of dance, which you can set your expectations high upon.

Last week my fav Kherington was voted out of the competition to my anguish. It’s the luck which played. Otherwise, she wasn’t the worst at all among the lot. I’ll no more see her in the competition. Last season, there was a very handsome guy Pasha, my fav, who was voted out like this, despite not being the worst. But I got to see him again this season choreographing for a routine. I am hoping to see Kherington too in the forthcoming seasons. Miss you Kherington!!!

This week another shock was that Will was voted out. I couldn’t believe it. What’s happening America? Will was the most technically strongest and he’s chucked out. I wanted him in the finals :( He has great technique and lines and I am sure he’ll not be let unnoticed.

I have Katie and Twitch still in. I am really hoping that Katee should bag the title. Lets see.

A year of contractorship bundled with insecurity, longing, am-sorry-no-PTO-no-benefits look from Manager is all over.

I was forced to enter this “C” company as a contractor due to situations before a year. Though every Tom Dick and Harry does contracting in this country, I somehow felt I cant do it. I have heard that the contractors in most of the companies would be singled out for any happening in the company and the manager, if he wishes, can throw an offer of attending them. Most companies mask the contractors from the client they are working for and any transaction to/from the client has to go via an employee. This feel drove me insane and I wasn’t quite inclined to this. Whenever I had spoken about this with my friends, they said its just the same as you come onsite to the client’s place, being an employee of some company in India. I couldn’t agree to it. In my case, the company which sent me onsite was a big shot atleast in India and I didn’t have any feel of insecurity when I came onsite with the same contractor banner. But getting into some X consulting company based here and bearing a contractor banner was so difficult. Both weren’t the same at all for me. I know I may be marked to be obsessed with the brand names.

Luckily, this C company, or rather my team in the C company wasn’t the one which exhibit disparity between the contractors and employees. I never had the feeling that I was treated lowly, except for the facts that I wasn’t entitled to any benefits. The talks for converting me would start every now and then and would vanish without a trace. The reason given was budget, what else.

I couldn’t take this shit any more and I decided searching for opps elsewhere. I succeeded in getting offers from 2 companies and told this C company am resigning. A morning I told them am quitting, in the afternoon, they came back to me telling they’ll make me their employee, matching the other company’s offer and giving more benefits than the other. As I loved the C company and the work and its environment so much, I accepted their offer. The formalities happened in an unbelievable pace and they took just a day to complete them as against 15 days usually. The guy who verified my I9 asked me “there are so many follow-ups on your case. Are you the daughter of a big guy or something?”.
I just said “its all coz of one magic word – quit”.

My company issues different ID cards for contractors and employees. [Yeah, you can see “my company” in my sentence. When you are a contractor, you never get a sense of belonging to that company. When you are an employee, that feel automatically creeps in].
Contractors will be given a red card and employees green one. There are more contractors in my company, as it has accounts in almost every Indian company and there are so many people onsite bearing the red card. When I used to have the red card, people during conversation used to ask me through which company I have come onsite. Onsitees who were unknown to me, would give a look of you-are-just-like-me. I have yearned for the green badge. I know its kinda silly but that’s how I was.

Now when I walk with my green badge around, I see the awe, pining look on the contractors or atleast I feel that they have that look. :)

I have always stayed with onsitees and I have heard them speaking about some one like “shes marrying a full time employee of C”, giving the sentence a dignified tone. Now am happy that I am also in the list who are envied by a group of people.

I had a feel that I got to this position only after I said am going away. But my manager said “had you been given full time emp without you having said you are quitting, it would have been just a favor from the company to you and you wouldnt have been in a position to demand what you want. Now, you should be happy that every company is at the back of you and you know what your value is. And, you have done a favor to this company by not denying its offer”.

Those were “the words”.

People say that my company is so employee friendly to such an extent that it mollycoddles its employees. Lemme see.

Am happy about everything except for one thing. I am back to appraisals, which I was free from for a year. I have to start boasting pages after pages in about 3 months. :)

Wish me luck!

I am rickety for reason unknown from yesterday. I feel like rebelling against anything and everything. Even the simplest of things seems to annoy me. I feel like yelling and hitting someone. Why? I don’t know. I am trying to pull all the reasons that come in my mind and try to match it with my behavior but I don’t get the match quite correct. Is it because I am being given a hard time at work by a couple of people who are mulling over my defect for over a week, exchanging hundreds of emails? Is it because there are too many things in my check list to be taken care of and they are putting my peace of mind and confidence in jeopardy? Is it because am becoming very nostalgic of late? Is it because of the wound in my finger caused by a knife, which is so deeply cut to such an extent that it bled for 2 days every time I removed the band-aid to nurse it? They say when you have your physique aching, you turn hysteric. Or is it because work is a lil lazy for the past 2 weeks and am forced to seek things out of my way to engage myself? I really don’t know.

I am like this right from yesterday morning. I don’t even bother to smile at my roomie while getting ready in the morning. I go to office and I, known to be a non-stop nonsense, don’t speak quite well with the team.

When I had to go out of office yesterday afternoon, the weather joined its hands with whatever that’s bothering me. It was scorching hot and I felt as if the sun was piercing a straw into my head and was sucking the whole of me.

I got a sudden feel of longing for my grandma’s lap, and was wondering how it had the eternal cool warmth being a refuge to me helping me forget myself. I would forget all the worries and would catch immediate sleep unbothered on one touch of hers. I was brought back to the present by the honk of a car. I had to wait for my bus in the hell of the heat. I felt like changing into a bikini and plunging into a lake with none around and getting drugged by its comfort.

I got into the bus. I usually like traveling by any means for that matter, no matter how frequently and how long I travel. I enjoy every bit of traveling and I never get over-dosed by it. But this time, I was dragging myself to wherever I had to go. This bus travel was no fascinating and I traveled just coz I had to.

I closed my eyes and sat. I kept getting quirky thoughts, which made me myself feel if I have multiple personality disorder or something. I imagined myself masoning a house.
I saw Harry Potter laughing at me. Who am I? wow, I have now taken up the role of Hermione Granger. Then I saw myself in a classroom, attempting to do an orthographic projection in engineering drawing. Then I thought myself ushered to arm-wrestle with some unknown. Then I imagined myself as a member of Ku Klux Klan, which is the scariest of all my craps. That very thought jolted me back to mySelf. I know it will give an impression that am cooking a psycho out of myself. So I pulled my ipod out to put a bump ahead of my racing imagination horse.

I sunk in a beautiful song. The next song screeched aloud and tore my tympanum out fueling my already irritated mind, that I felt like dashing it against a wall. I felt the ipod is doing no good and so grabbed to my rescue, my habit of observing people. I chose this girl who, by her talks, seemed just graduated. She was preparing herself for the graduation day and was discussing with her friends about dressing. She was telling how shes gonna dress up and that she wants to be the best dressed girl in the party. I, when I had been normal, would have just uttered a smile within myself but this time, I just felt like yelling “you cocky biyatch” at her, to my shame.

I reached home to see my roomie there and bid a reluctant hi to her. I usually ask her about her problems with a concerned note but this time I completely disregarded her. she was saying that she needs to gift one of her friends and was asking me some suggestions and didn’t pay a damn. Sorry my girl – I turn unchivalrous at times. I sincerely apologize!

I sat to watch “So You think You can Dance” with no particular interest unlike usual. Where’s the girl who keeps amused and wowing for every performance? I don’t know.

I had a feel that I should speak with someone close to me. I had my close friends well within reach and I called one of them. I just did usual enquiries and hung up. Above everyone, I had Hari who is more than someone who could listen to me and who can comfort me beyond the ways I want. I called him up and was only able to say “I called you just like that”.

Am I a psychopath? Or am I detached? I don’t wanna consider am either coz I somehow feel everyone goes through such a state seldom without giving it much attention. It just seems a big deal to people, of course like me, who over-kill their brains magnifying even simple matters. Despite my idiotism, I feel am handling myself pretty good by remaining aloof from everything and everyone, giving myself the space to breathe and return to normalcy.

I thought blog is a place where I can vent everything out and it certainly helped. I would have made a fool out of myself though. But I don’t care!

பாலைவனமாய் இருந்தது பேருந்து நிறுத்தம்..
இருபது நிமிடங்களாக காத்திருக்கிறேன்
இன்னும் பத்து நிமிடங்கள் கரைக்க வேண்டியிருந்தது

பே ஏரியாவில் இந்தியர்கள் அதிகம் என்றார்களே
எங்கு பார்த்தாலும் வெள்ளையர்கள்
அதிலும் பெண்கள் மிகக் குறைவு

கண்கள் மூடி அமர்ந்திருந்த நான்
லேசாக இடப்பக்கம் திரும்பிப் பார்த்தேன்
தூரத்தில் ஒரு பெண் நடந்து வந்து கொண்டிருந்தாள்

நிச்சயம் இந்தியப்பெண்
வேறு யாருக்கு வரும் இந்த நளினம்
வெற்றாக இருந்த மனம் துரிதமானது
onsite வந்திருக்கும் software engineer ஆக இருப்பாளோ

இடப்பக்கம் நின்றாள்
எனக்கும் அவளுக்கும் பத்து அடி தூரம்
முகம் தெரியவில்லை
மிகச்சிறிய உடலமைப்பு
எளிமையான தோற்றம்

சிறிது முன்னால் நகர்ந்தேன்
முகம் தெரியும் என நினைத்து

வந்தாள் ஒரு வெள்ளைப்பெண் அவளை நோக்கி
இவள் அவள் பக்கம் திரும்பி பேச ஆரம்பித்தாள்
சே! உள்ளதும் போயிற்று என நினைக்கும்போது
இவள் அவளிடம் சைகையில் ஏதோ சொல்ல
அவள் நகர்ந்தாள்
இவள் அவளுக்கு வழி சொன்னாள் போல..

எனக்கு மறுபடியும் அவளது பாதி உருவம்
பேருந்து வரும் பாதையே பார்த்தாள்
ஏனடி என் பக்கம் திரும்ப மாட்டேன் என அடம்!

காற்று வேகமாக அடித்தது
என்னைக் கடந்து அவளை நோக்கி
அவள் கேசம் கலைத்து

அவள் முகத்தில் கேசம் விழுந்திருக்க வேண்டும்
என்னை நோக்கித் திரும்பினாள்
காற்றை எதிர்கொண்டு கேசம்-முகம் ஊடல் முறிக்க

எனை விட்டுச்சென்ற காற்றை நொந்துகொண்ட நான்
உடனே வாபஸ் வாங்கி, நன்றி கூறினேன்
காற்று எதிர் திசையில் சென்று
அவள் கண்களை என் திசையில் திருப்பியதற்காக!

அவள் முகம் நன்றாக தெரிந்தது - முழுக்க சாத்விகம்
கண்ணாடி இல்லாமல் இன்னும் லக்ஷனமாக இருப்பாள்.

கேசத்தை கோதிவிட்டு முதன் முறையாய் என்னை பார்த்தாள்!

அட! சட்டென திரும்பிவிட்டாளே!
என் கண்கள் அவள் கண்களை சந்தித்துக்கொண்டிருப்பது தெரிந்தும்
அவள் கண்டுகொள்ளவில்லையே!

ஒரு வெள்ளையனை பார்த்திருந்தால் புன்னகைத்திருப்பாள்
தெரியாதவர்களுக்கும் "hello how are you" கேட்கும் கலாசாரமாயிற்றே!
நான் இந்தியன் என்பதால் இந்திய கலாசாரம் அவளுள் புகுந்து விட்டதா?
ஒரு சிரிப்பு சிரித்தால் என்னவாம்.

அவள் ஒரு பேருந்தில் ஏற தயாரானாள்
தைரியத்தை துணைக்குக் கூப்பிட்டு
அவளிடம் சென்று "hello how are you" என்றேன்
அவள் "fine, thank you" என்றாள்

"are you waiting for bus?" என்றேன்
"என்ன அபத்தமான கேள்வி" என்று நினைத்துக் கொண்டிருக்கும்போதே
சொன்னாள் "No, I drove this bus and it broke down, waiting for mechanic" என்றாள்

அட! இவள் நக்கல் கூட அடிப்பாளா?
சிரித்தாள்
கையிலிருந்த தாள் பார்த்து "நீங்க தமிழா" என்றாள்

நான் ஆச்சரியத்தில் "ஓ! நீங்களும் தமிழா" என்று வழிந்தேன்
"பஸ் வந்தாச்சு. பை" சொல்லிப் பறந்தாள்

நான் இதை எழுதிக்கொண்டு அவள் ஏறிய பஸ்ஸில் தான்
நானும் ஏற வேண்டும் என்பதை மறந்தேன்

மறுபடியும் பாலைவனத்தில் 30 நிமிடங்கள்....

I was pushed to the state of insecurity last month. I did whatever I could to break that insecurity and I smelt success too. Now am pushed to the state of keeping my fingers crossed for something good to happen, something which I really want. And am hoping that I will be pushed to the state of ambivalence next week, of course for good, unable to decide what to go for. I already have two possessions which are pretty good themselves, yet unable to convince myself to go for either of them. Mind still yearns for something better. Call it greed or discontent or whatever. Though mind craves for the third one, I am not willing to desert the two existing ones. I don’t want to desert one coz I love it so much and feel it’s the best fit in all aspects. I don’t want to desert the other despite it having some minuses coz it came back to me though I had already deserted it once and so am now under the clench of courteousness. I certainly cannot have both. I just brush both these aside, though both of them like me so much and they want me desperately and I keep looking for the third one, which is really turning me on and off, making me wait for long. It once gives an impression that its going to be mine and wipes that thought off the next jiffy making me think I have lost it. I have done everything in my ability to own it and now its upto it to choose whom it should go to. I cannot hold the other two on for long and I have to choose one fast. Am afraid the two would leave me if I keep mum not telling them anything. I cannot tell one of them yes right now – what if the third comes back to me tomorrow? I cannot tell no too – what if the third deserts me – scared to think being void without any of them. There’s a parallel nag. Its just my thought that the third one is the best. But what if I get the third one finally and it turns out to be just as equal as the other two? All my wait for it would go in vain then, I’ll not be loosing anything though. I shall still say a yes to the one which am comfortable with and be happy. Overall, it’s a win-win for me I feel. But the knack lies in me arriving at a decision at the right time.

Wish me prudence !!!!

Caution: This post will be a lackluster for non-techies or may be even for techies. The author suggests the reader not to go ahead if he/she is allergic to technical stuff :) [especially Project Managers LOL, pun intended to you-know-who] The other techies – be content if you know how to do these stuff; no worries if these are Espanol to you as there are many sailing in the same boat like me.

Last week was terrible at work. I was pissed off to such an extent that I started throwing everything like a lunatic and my teammate had to ask me leave the place, freshen my mind and come back. Whatever we engaged in, went on toss and not a single thing worked. We had been brooding over them for nearly 3 days but in vain. They were completely new stuff for us and none knew how to proceed. I’ll not be surprised if Google comes back to us with an accolade saying we used their search engine efficiently or sues us for having hogged their servers requesting too many pages.

We had to install Support Pack 7 for Netware 6.5 server. The pain started off with the SP7 not going in one CD and we had to burn a DVD, only to realize that the server didn’t have a DVD drive. So we had to hook up a USB DVD drive, which led us into a different problem. After loading the cddvd NSS file, the DVD was detected and mounted as a NSS volume. But we were not knowing the way to access NSS volume so that we can read the contents of the DVD. Googling went on and on with various search patterns starting from “how to access USB DVD in NW6.5” to “how to access NSS volumes”. The administrative guide said we have to load the cddvd NSS file, by which the CD gets mounted as NSS volume and from there on, you can use it as any other NSS volume. We were like “come on man. We know it. Tell me how to access NSS volume”. I wish the admin guide had ears.

We sensed there’s no point in dragging it and so put the SP7 in 2 CDs and copied the files to the server through the CD drive itself. Finally started installing the SP7. When it asked me if the backup of files is to be done, I gave a yes to be safe. It took nearly 30 mins and came back and said its left with only 3MB and cannot do a backup. [why the hell did it take 30 mins to report it man?] The installation terminated. [why wasn’t it user friendly to ask me if it can proceed with the installation without backup?] Had to start all over again. This time I asked it not to do a backup. Before the install could start, the user was prompted for the username and password, and there came another hitch. In Netware, during SP install, you need to provide the user name in the format “CN=username.O=context”, wherein username and context would have been given during fresh install of Netware. We didn’t know the context part as nobody made a note of it anywhere. Trying different contexts didn’t work. And again we had to exit the installation to go back to the console and grab the context.

Started the install all over again expecting some problem to popup. But this time the installation ended. But when it came up after a reboot, it reached the console screen, unlike usual, wherein it reaches the Netware GUI. The execution of startx loaded the required NLMs but the GUI didn’t start. sheesh!!!!!

As we had a customer request that is to be completed in a week, we decided to manage with the console itself. We had to install the new drivers for our HBAs in the Netware server. We followed the procedure to do it and we had no clue if it went successful or not as the OS didn’t report any thing. So we went and checked the version which was showing 6.9.15. We were supposed to install 6.9o. Now I repented for having made the blunder of not noting the version before starting the upgrade. We thought the upgrade didn’t go well as it was showing 6.9.15 and tried it multiple times. Then we came to know 6.9o is called as 6.9.15 too. Damn!!!! How am I supposed to know when there’s nothing in the server denoting it atleast in brackets?

Another parallel problem which was going on was installation of VMWare ESX 3.5. Our client demanded that it’s to be installed on a 64-bit machine. We had only a few 64’s and choosing a server to do this itself took us about an hour. Once we chose the machine, we put the ESX 3.5 CD in it and rebooted the machine. Started the installation. Suddenly we lost the connection to the server from our KVM and it was displaying “Out of range”. Now what? Then we came to know that the install screen is of mismatching resolution with that of the KVM. So we hooked up a monitor and keyboard to the server and completed the installation. Once the server came up, it wasn’t able to detect the storage. What are we to do with a void system without storage? How am I to create virtual machines without storage? After half-a-day of delving, we found that the SATA in the server is not compatible to hold ESX 3.5. Phew!!!!

Then chose a HP Blade Server 64-bit to install ESX. None had worked on Blade servers in my team and we found it difficult to even boot from the CD. Win2K3 was booting up properly but the ESX didn’t, reporting virtual media not found. :(

We left that as such and migrated to another task of upgrading our multipathing s/w in all the servers. This had a few little hurdles when it came to HPUX like sharing the CDROM, mounting it in HPUX (which initially didn’t auto-detect the drive and I had to do an ioscan followed by insf to install device files) and then access it. The upgrade started and ended pronto, reporting “no space in /opt”. Okayyyyy….Now we had to extend the logical volume of /opt, for which we had to reboot the system to get into single user mode and then extend it. Once it was extended, we again started the upgrade which went on fine this time. The server was rebooted and when it came up, we started mounting the logical volumes from our storages. It failed displaying “no device or address” error. There came the most painful process. We had to delete the /etc/lvmtab and recreate it with new volume groups and lvols. And finally the server was set.

Parallelly, we had to install linux 5. my teammate had requested the lab administrator for the linux 5 CD and the admin had said he had kept it on our lab desks. When we looked for it, we found only one linux 5 CD with a like-license-key written on it. I went and told my teammate satirically that I never knew linux came in a single CD :) When we were speculating what does a license key written over the CD have to do with linux and whether it requires us to register in the redhat site and get the remaining CDs on providing that key, my teammate decided to phone up the admin ask him what it is all about. The reply he got was “you had asked only for CD1 in your email. So I gave you only the CD1”. My team mate, who was confused, told him that he wanted all the CDs and hung up. He went and checked his email to the admin and it read “Can you pls give us the linux 5 update 1 CD?”. Heck!!!! He mistook the “1” for “update” to be for CD. How dumb. Will the “update” stand alone and will it not strike a newbie even that the update would have a number? Uffff…..i asked my teammate who the admin is and he showed me his name in the email. He was a sardarji. LOL. Are all the sardarji jokes true then? Mmmm…..

Wasn’t it a hard time at work? Yeah, I can hear a loud yes.

Attempting to break the jinx. I hope there’s no spell cast on me this week.

This is an instance which left me completely blank, not knowing how to react.

Featuring: Me and my American colleague

Anu: Wassup dawg?

Victor: Hey. Got 2 minutes? Wanna speak with you. Patio?

Anu: Sure. Any problem?

Victor: None and its personal.

Anu: Oh

Victor: I have a good news. Am in love.

Anu: Wow. Congrats!!!!!

Victor: Will you marry me?

Anu: Wh Wh What the …..

Victor: Hey cool. No anger and no yelling alright? I just felt, I said. Just say yes or no.

Anu: Didn’t it strike you am engaged?

Victor: Well, you are just committed, not married, are you? I wouldn’t have cared if you were married too.

Anu: Was that supposed to be taken as a good news by me?

Victor: Answer is what I need.

Anu: You know it. You needn’t wait to hear it from me too.

Victor: Alright. Am getting engaged. Wish me luck.

Anu: (Frown)

Victor: I liked two girls and you are one among them. I already proposed to another girl and she accepted. I still wanted to propose to you and marry you if you accepted. Now that you denied, am getting engaged with the other girl. Isn’t that a good news now? Ok. Thanks for your 2 mins. Catch you later.

Anu: (speechless. How am I supposed to react? ) Congrats. All the best. Bye.



This was the shortest proposal I have ever heard/seen. It ended in a jiffy. It was hard for me to detect if he was serious or playing some prank on me.

This wasn’t the first time someone is proposing to me but this was a lil eerie and it left me blank. I had always been a girl who had delved deeper trying to analyze what invited a proposal, but this time, I didn’t feel I have to.

This American proposal was precise, direct, no drama, the guy wasn’t sweating and swallowing the driblets in his throat and there was no trace of hard feeling on his face when I denied and I liked it. But when I sat back and thought about it, there arose a questionnaire for which I could hardly answer.

Why did he propose to me, myself being poles apart from him, with respect to habits, ethnicity, et al? Why would a guy propose to a girl, when another girl had just accepted him and they had planned to get engaged? How dare he proposed to me knowing am engaged? How did he take my denial so easily? Does it mean he is not a guy who is serious about relationships and he just needed a companion to hang out with? I dunno.

This proposal made me go hind a coupla years and more – my college, my school, when I received proposals. Obviously a beautiful girl like me [lifting my collar, shrugging my shoulders, raising my eyebrows) would receive in umpteens, wouldn’t she? [Fine. I know that’s too much. To quench your “errrrrrrr” reaction, here I go:] Any girl, irrespective of whether she’s a great beauty or average-looking, would have received atleast a proposal during her journey from 15 to getting committed and I was no exception.

I had always wanted an arranged marriage and denied every proposal that came in. I have seen guys feeling very bad once you deny their proposal. They will always wear a pitiful look. They hesitate to see you on your eyes. I have realized, lost-love-guy-reactions they show in the movies are no exaggerations. The reactions would be at heights when it comes to “your best friend -> loves you -> proposes -> you deny -> you keep away from him”.

At such instances, at the corner of your heart, you would feel nice since attention was being given to you. The feeling that a guy is yearning for you would make you feel feminine [well, we cannot be blamed. If guys brood over the failure, creating so much drama, girls will take advantage of it]. But that’s just in a corner of your heart. Genuinely you would feel sorry for him with all your heart but there would be nothing you could do about it. It’s just a phase and you have to pass it, thinking things would be fine as time rolls on and would teach the people, maturity. I was sure that there would come a day wherein, those guys when thinking about this, would hit their forehead laughing, realizing how stupid they have been.

There was one such best friend of mine in my college. He was my best friend in college and turned a guy who loves me after we were out of college. I had always chosen to keep away from the guys who had proposed to me and I did the same with him. We lost touch and last month when I was informing my friends of my engagement, I got reminded of him. I ransacked my diaries and got his number, gave him a call and told him I got engaged and will be sending him invitation for marriage and hung up. Two days back I received an email from him and I almost fainted. It was a 200-liner email. I thought it would take an hour for me to finish reading it. He had mentioned the days we were friends in the college and had said that they still remain green. He had written that he listened to “O maname” song from “Ullam Ketkume” wherein, the hero would happen to attend his girl’s marriage [Shaam would attend Asin’s marriage, and Asin would be a Brahmin J]. He had said that he can relate to that song very well. Laughter was at the tip of my lips on reading this, but I didn’t wanna laugh. It was kinda immature to me but I didn’t wanna despise that email. I just wanted to leave it at that. Am a person who normally replies to a one-liner email with a 4-liner, but I chose not to reply this email. I just moved it to trash. I never have felt guilty as I had never intended, or rather imagined to pull a guy towards me. I had always felt my slate is clean. Anyways.

Oh yeah. That American guy left me to retrospect, which led to comparisons between these western guys and our native guys. This proposal never made me feel special unlike the others in the past [hehehehe]. I wanna censure this white guy to be disregarding relationships rather than complimenting him to be emotionally stable. I had heard/read/seen the western morality but I tasted it myself this time.

A 2-min American proposal and a 2-hour thinking left me just one notion that our guys are the best.

I salute you guys!!!!!

PS: No disrespect intended to any one.