Aham Vyaktam

Today is the first day in the last 10 days that I woke up with a temperature of 97.9. I was running a temperature of 103 and this has been the longest and fiercest fever I ever had. I was stuck sick at home for 10 days, no work and no cooking at home. Everyday I woke up with fever and cried to Hari telling that am gonna die. Now if I come to think of it, I really am ashamed :-)

Hari didn’t go to office coz of me and I cannot credit him enough for how he took care of me. It was surprising that the doctors never gave any medicine for me, despite diagnosing that I have viral fever. They kept asking me to take Tylenol every 4 hours and drink lots of fluid till the fever goes away. How will the fever go off with just Tylenol, I mean, how will the virus get killed by just Tylenol? I could never understand. The doctors said its unethical to give injection or antibiotic for a viral fever and I just have to live with it till its gone. Had it been India, the doc would have given an injection and atleast 3 antibiotics the first day you go to him, and some doctors will be so generous to hospitalize you even if you run only 99 degrees LOL. Having seen all that, the so called medical ethics here was so surprising and funny for me. Not a day passed without cursing them, no matter they don’t prescribe antibiotics for our own good.

Whenever I get ill, I have this habit of doing a bit of a self-diagnosis. This is what I did when my lymph nodes protruded after fever, before 2 years. A generous doctor who was so much in love with me (knowing that I can get all my expense reimbursed) wanted to retain me in the hospital for atleast 10 days saying that the lymph nodes could be due to tuberculosis or cancer and asked me to undergo a biopsy. I had to fight with her to get discharged telling her that I don’t have any of those crap and its just reactive lymph node for the viral fever I had. And my diagnosis was definitely correct. The lymph nodes went away once I recovered from fever. I can give many such instances for my successful self-diagnosis. I had discovered I had typhoid, jaundice, etc, in the past. So I have been pretty confident of my medical knowledge. But it turned into over confidence when I thought I had typhoid when I fell ill during my wedding. Well, I had the same symptoms and even the blood test result came back positive for Salmonella Typhi. So a doctor treated me for it. I came to know that the self-diagnosis was an over-kill when another doctor said its just viral and the blood test will show positive for typhi if I have had typhi before :-( Everyone was scolding me left, right and middle for doing a doctor’s job. Well, will 2 years of Biology in the 11th and 12th grade not make me half a doctor? Hehehehe

I get so paranoid when I have persistent fevers and I come up with some dreadful disease linking the symptoms. I came up with AIDS before 2 years when I lost 5 pounds in 3 days (god knows if the weighing machine was faulty) and my WBC dropped by 2000. I came up with cholera when I had nausea and diarrhea. Do you know what I came up with this time? Cancer :-)
These things are not very impressive to be written about one’s self, are they? Hmmm…that’s fine. Those of you who have/have had crush on me, thinking that am meticulous, ingenious, etc, etc can rest assured that you haven’t missed someone great in your life LOL.

Anyways, the fever phase is finally over or so I think. Am gonna get a huge email from Prasath anna about hope and confidence and a huge lecture from Hari, for this one pessimistic phrase of mine “or so I think” :-)

Am glad am out of a 10-day long fever and have to start eating apples and dry fruits to regain strength. And more importantly I should try not to self-diagnose and try not to be over scared or atleast not to be overtly scared :-)

Prasath anna. The first guy who became very close to me.
I was 14. My mom said a new family was coming to inhabit the opposite house. She also said that there is a guy in their family who was onto his 11th grade. During those days, whenever I heard someone talk about school going guys/girls, the first thing I used to wonder was “will he/she study well”, myself being so obsessed about securing the first rank during my schooling. So I had already started contemplating about that guy’s studies even before I met him.

There was a 6 year old girl, neighbor, who was my pet. One day when I was coming back home from a temple, she came running to me and pointing to a guy in our opposite house, she said “anna asked what grade you are in”. I looked at that guy and was thinking if this was the guy I was contemplating about. But he seemed too elderly for a 11th grader. I just gave a smile, and he said “hope you’ll not mistake me for asking about you to that kid”. I said “I am in the 9th grade. You?” He said “Am done with degrees and awaiting a job”. So he must be the guy’s elder brother, I was thinking. After sharing our names, we parted. That’s how Babu anna started saying a hi to me everytime he saw me and have also given me suggestions to study.

The next person who became dear to me was the guy’s mother. Maami was an impressive person and she mingled with me and my mom in a jiffy. She used to talk to me as if I was her daughter. She once called me to her house to give me some pudding she had prepared. That was the first time I saw that guy. He was sitting on the sofa, perpendicular to how we should sit on a sofa, with legs on the hand rest, watching tv (I think I absorbed my weird positions on sofa from him). When I went in, maami said it was Prasath. He turned and gave me a look and when I was about to utter a smile, he turned away back to the tv again. I was like “okayyyy”. That’s how I first met that guy. Not a pleasant first impression, you might have judged :-)

I was in 10th grade and Babu anna had been to Hyd and had bought me studs and bangles. I went to his home to get them and saw Prasath anna in his room. Maami said he likes Tamil and had scored well in Tamil too and so asked me to get suggestions from him on how to study (My school had secured more state ranks in language papers and I was expected by my teachers to grab one in 10th). He just gave me a smile and I left. I never talked to him.

My 10th exams got over and my results came back as 90% with pathetic scores in languages. I definitely had done super well, and it was a terrible blow. I cried for 3 days and maami, after consoling me for about an hour, took me to her house to watch tv for a change. Prasath anna was watching tv (as always) and even after seeing me crying, he didn’t ask me anything.

Then I joined a new school for 11th grade which was far from home. I had to take 2 buses. Maami said I can go with Prasath anna for half of my travel, as he takes buses too. Thats how I started speaking with Prasath anna. We used to walk to together to the bus stop and board the same bus and take different 2nd buses. He would get ready very soon and I would skip breakfast for not making him wait. He would never speak much during our walk and after getting off the bus, he would just walk to catch his 2nd bus and wouldn’t even care to look what happened to me. I have thought “what sort of a guy wouldn’t even say a bye” :-)

It was difficult for me to go by buses. So dad arranged for school van. And the small talks which we had also vanished.

And one fine evening, when I was sitting in my house doorstep and studying, I saw Prasath anna come out and stand in his doorstep. He just looked at me and gave a smile. I returned the smile and continued studying. Then he came to my doorstep and said a hi and enquired what I was studying. That’s how our friendship started.

He used to come to my doorstep almost daily and we used to talk for hours. Mom would call him inside but he would be persistent on standing out beside the gutter in the mosquito world. We always had something to talk and never ran out of topics. We would enter a squabble when it came to Tamil. He would say its nonsense to choose Sanskrit as my second language just coz I lost marks in Tamil in my previous grade and that Tamil is so much fun to learn. I would say I didn’t wanna shed sweat in studying for language papers and that Sanskrit was the easiest. He used to say some of the Tamil poems he studied in his 10th grade and I used to recite with him, as I was once a Tamil lover.

The major controversy that went on between us was our ages. He would say that he’s younger to me and I wouldn’t admit and kept calling him anna. Finally he admitted that I was younger, after having me explaining what I had to explain. Lets not get into that anyways :-)

Once when I got down from my school van, one of my school mates, on seeing Prasath anna smiling at me, asked me “whos that prince charming?” I told her “he’s Prasath anna” She said “So bad you call him anna” :-) This is how my school mates used to drool over Prasath anna. And that particular school mate of mine, when she met me before 2 years, remembered to ask me how prince charming is :-)
And, the rowdy guys in our street, on seeing me and anna speak, used to ask me “will you speak only to refined guys like him? Not with us?” I would tell them “I call him anna. If you allow me to call you anna, I shall speak with you too” LOL

Those were excellent 2 years. We became so close and I came to know that Prasath anna was nothing I had framed him to be. He was such a pleasant boy, so genuine and so decent. We had never been anywhere together, all we knew was my house doorstep.

Then one day, he came and told me that they are relocating to Chennai. I felt really bad to loose a friend but he seemed pretty strong and never seemed to feel for parting. He never had been expressive of his feelings and I felt its so typical of him to coolly bid a bye and move on. On a Sunday morning, the entire family left and he had come to my home to say goodbye. I was so much in sleep that I couldn’t even see him properly. Once I got up, I cried telling mom that I didn’t even get a last glimpse of him.

We did contact each other after him having gone to Chennai but its never the same as being opposite to each other, is it? Once when I spoke with him, he said he hasn’t befriended anyone there in Chennai, after me. I was in a way happy to hear that :-)
I used to remember his birthday and wish him every year. He says its my call that reminds him of his birthday :-)
And, then coz of distance and my studies in 12th, slowly, we lost touch with each other. Then after landing in a job in Bangalore, I thought of calling him and ransacked my diaries and found his number. Quite unsure if the number still exists, I gave a call and he was there. This time the contact was very short lived and we lost touch again. I lost his phone number and emailid. There was no way for me contact him.

Three weeks back, it struck me to look him up in orkut. And thanks to orkut, I found him. That day, we would have chatted for more than 4 hours. I was able to sense a lot of difference in him. He has become so expressive. It was quite surprising to hear from him how much he had missed me. The Prasath anna I knew would never have said that. I was so happy to see him in a commendable position in his job. He forwarded me his photos and he was nothing like the lean boy who was in my doorstep a decade ago. He had put on weight and had gained so much maturity. I also spoke with maami and I was so happy to hear her speak like how she did a decade ago.

They are living just opposite to the mandapam wherein my wedding happened. If only I had looked him up in orkut 7 months ago, I would have definitely met him on my wedding.

He was very happy to see me established to this extent and he openly appreciated me, which was so not him. He said I look great on seeing my pics but also said that he likes the BVB girl (BVB was my school) with sodabutti better. Many of my friends say that I have changed a lot and I look great now but only Prasath anna said he liked the old naïve simple chirpy girl better. Only the best of best friends can cherish you, however you are, isn’t it?

He said that he makes sure he walks in that street where we lived, whenever he visits that town and seeing those 2 houses of ours brings him so many memories.
There was so much innocence in our minds and all we had to worry about was studies. Those days are never gonna come back. And the friends we made in that age are the ones who'll always remain close to us.

Am glad am back in touch with him and I hope I’ll not loose him again. He had meant a lot to me, may be coz he was my first best friend.

I had admired you a lot anna, and I always will!

Why is everyone with their jackets on? Its 80 outside. Probably they got so much used to jackets for the past several months and wearing them has become so much like wearing shoes. Even though wearing jacket is involuntary, wouldn’t they feel hot once they are out in the street? Wouldn’t the discomfort force them to remove the jacket? I don’t know. May be they are too much engrossed in their jobs that they even forgot about the summer. Or may be they don’t feel 80 is too hot to remove the jacket. If it’s the latter, then its very surprising. It was even more surprising when I saw someone with a trench coat on. At first I thought they were heading towards SFO, which will be 10 degrees less than San Jose, but no, they were heading towards San Jose with me. OOhhh!!

Foreman and 13 knock the door of Kutner. As they get no response, they go in looking around the house. Suddenly 13 runs to a room [only a hand in a pool of blood is visible], followed by Foreman. After a few seconds, 13 pants hard crying and leans against the bed nearby with blood all over her lips (she had tried CPR), saying it’s a shot on the temple.

And in the next scene they say Kutner is dead.

I was going “Whattttttttttt”. It was an incredible scene in House M.D and it took me a few minutes to actually believe Kutner is gone. He was my favorite in House’s team (of course, next to Gregory House), mainly because he was an Indian, a smart good-looking one. Why the hell did the director kill Dr. Kutner?

The news says Kal Penn has been offered a job at the White House and himself, more interested in politics, chose that over acting. House M.D will never be the same for me without Kutner. The obituary in fox website for Kutner was so cool. It was amazing to see a character being given such an importance :-)

Fox had displayed eulogies by Kutner’s colleagues and Gregory House’s page was blank. Hari said it was so like House. House is such an a-hole. If ever I hate and at the same time love someone, then its House.

I’ll miss you Dr. Kutner.

My sis-in-law Deepa gave birth to a baby girl. We became a proud maama maami. She's the first baby for our family and is gonna be very very special.

I was praying that a girl baby should be born against my parents-in-laws desire for a baby boy. And my wish succeeded :-)

They said the baby and the mom are healthy. They said the baby has lots of hair and she has big eyes. Hari always comments that my eyes are huge and am glad the baby is gonna share all the bullies with me :-)

God, how much I yearn to hold the baby in my hands! But we are tied by the distance.

I admire Deepu so much for the perseverance with which she went through the labor.
I just felt like hugging her and telling how much I admired her. But I could barely speak with her :-(

Anyways. Everyone there is gonna be busy with the baby.
Am gonna start purchasing gifts for her from now on.
Cant wait to see her. Am sure she'll be as beautiful as Deepa and the parents are gonna have hard time shooing away the guys swarming around her. hehehehehehe...

People were moving around, trying to comfort each other, drinking, kneeling beside the dead, but he could not see any of the people he loved, no hint of Hermione, Ron, Ginny, or any of the other Weasleys, no Luna. He felt he would have given all the time remaining to him for just one last look at them; but then, would he ever have the strength to stop looking? It was better like this.

Why do I still cry every time I read these lines, though I would have at least read them umpteen times in the past?

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"
Mrs. Weasley threw off her cloak as she ran, freeing her arms, Bellatrix spun on
the spot, roaring with laughter at the sight of the new challenger. "No!" Mrs. Weasley cried as a few students ran forward, trying to come to her aid.
"Get back! Get back! She is mine!"

Why do I have yes-come-on-there-you-go feeling every time I read this?

“The true master of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy.”
“You’ve missed your chance. I got there first. I overpowered Draco weeks ago. I took his wand from him.”
“Does the wand in your hand know its last master was Disarmed? Because if it does . . . I am the true master of the Elder Wand.”

Why am I not able to get rid of the gasp and the stomach lurch every time I read this, though I knew all along that this is how its gonna be, after so many re-reads?

"you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew."

Why does my respect for Snape bubble up in me every time I read this?

Am clearly spellbound by the story. My mention of this story twice in my blog clearly vindicates it.

I am not gonna stop reading it, even when my daughter (or son, whoever it might be) laughs at me saying mommy reads kids’ stories :-)

Am gonna treasure the book!

As he entered the home yesterday, he said “I may not be so expressive and I might not have given you attention as much as your parents and your friend. But you are very special to me and I bought you this as I felt you would feel the same warmth you had from other important people in your life” and gave me a pink princess basket. I must say I definitely felt like his girl kid, who would feel so elated to have the pink basket.

He had always given me attention and gets me a bouquet every now and then, no matter if its an occasion or not. I don’t know if a mere allusion of my parent’s and friend’s tenderness in my blog can make him feel like this!!!!

Its nice that am a child for someone (of course, the most important person in my life now) other than my parents and my friend.