Aham Vyaktam

I am done with Harry Potter series finally. I never had any inclination to read the books thinking that its for kids, until I saw Hari who abstained himself from the world around him since he wanted to read the final book of Harry Potter series without a meager disturbance, when the book came out. He also told me that there were people who completed the 700 odd paged book overnight, coz of the fear that the secrets of the story would fall into their ears from someone who has already read it. It was then I started reading the first one and I swear I was absolutely tied to it. I couldn’t think of reading any book other than Harry Potter and was so much influenced by it that my dreams were filled with it, my words adapted the style of some character or the other in the story, and I admit I started having crushes not only on the characters, but also on those who acted in the movies :) The movie cant even stand a zillion miles away from the book though. When Hari asked me what he could get for my birthday, the immediate response from me was “Harry Potter and the deathly hallows book”. I didn’t know then if I was happy since I would know what happens to whom finally in the long story or if I was disappointed as it was the last book and Harry Potter would be out of my life till the next movie half blood prince comes. However, I would have watched the movies atleast 3 times each and I will keep doing it.

The last chapter of deathly hallows was an ultimate treat. I was enjoying every line, every word of it. And the best conversation I like in the whole series is the one between Harry and Rufus Scrimgeour, the minister of magic in “Harry Potter and the half blood prince” when Harry denies Scrimgeour’s persuasion of him to work for ministry. It’s a heated conversation and I couldn’t believe how Harry had grown to be an adolescent, knowing to speak that much, his words impregnated with bullies. Anyways, it was a nice conversation and god knows how many times I read it.

Hermione had always been close to my heart and of course, Ron. I actually liked Rupert Grint better than Daniel Radcliffe in the movie. I loved Albus Dumbledore to such an extent that I was weeping so badly when he was murdered, and its nothing when compared to that on Snape at the end, whom I had always hated terribly till the last chapters of the last book.

I was hell-bent on not watching the movies before reading the books and I am telling you, I have been wise. The charm of the story will certainly be killed if the movie is watched first.

I actually wanted to write more but then, I started reading my favorite conversation in the series while writing this post, which has forced me to abandon writing. I am setting off to read all my favorites in the story. I am sure many of you would have read it already. But if there’s anyone who hasn’t, trust me, you are missing something really really big in your hobby.

J.K.R is the best. Can’t wait to read “Tales of Beedle the Bard”. I have already preordered the book and waiting for Dec 4th.

Its 2 months since am married. The first month was so busy in India and the 2nd month was busy here making our house a home. Life is undoubtedly a fun, with the guy of your life always by your side, you needn’t wait for the weekend to meet him and you needn’t have a gloomy face which you’ll have when he drops you back at your home after a weekend movie. I, as of now, don’t feel I am loaded with additional responsibilities, especially when it comes to cooking. I, with roommates, used to cook daily, unlike the others here who say they cook only once in 2 or 3 days. I just find no difference in responsibilities, its my husband now with me, instead of a roomie.

Yesterday when I received a very late wish for my wedding, the thoughts about my marriage day came to me and it struck me that I haven’t written about it. So here I am making note of what I remember of my marriage for my future reminiscence.

On Sep 2nd, my preparations for the big day started with the usual bride-ish stuffs like facials and mehndi. I was at maama’s home. I thought of ending the day at 10pm and went to bed then, as I had to get up really early the next day. I would have just closed my eyes when they were peeled by the shriek let out by my athai who had just arrived. My sleep was thrown away by an array of hugs and kisses from her. I had to force myself to sleep at 10.30. Then by 11, I heard some mumblings and woke up to see my dad who had just come back home. He had been frantically busy for more than 2 months and I felt really bad to see him returning home at 11, even the night before the wedding. While everybody was praising the sarees dad had bought for the family, I could see nothing other than the figure of my dad struggling with around atleast 12 huge bags of sarees and dhotis in his hand. I felt so totally helpless. We, for whom the native is Erode, had fixed up the wedding in Chennai due to certain factors and we had no clue as to go where for what. Dad shouldered the entire burden solely, with none to help him with the preparations in an unknown city. I wonder from where in the world he got all the energy to arrange everything on his own. For the first time ever in life, I kept aside the iam-glad-am-single-child thought and I felt I should have had a brother, who at this instance would have been a lot helpful. Anyways.
Everybody was telling they should make less noise and should allow me to sleep but kept bellowing about something or the other. I didn’t know when the noises died away and when I fell asleep.

The next morning I was woken up by the singsong voice of my thaatha who was chanting the mantras for vinayagar chaturthi pooja. The information that I got up flew to my paatti and she told Sri, who was ready to go for bath, that she cannot go next and she also told that all the others are to get ready only after I am done. I started to enjoy all the attention and gave Sri, who was already gnashing her teeth at me, a glorious look and headed to get ready.

Maami wrapped me up in a purple saree and I had to wear all the jewels. After the usual namaskarams, we headed in 3 cars towards the mandapam. Through out the way I was cribbing about the itching the jewels were giving me, yet I didn’t wanna remove them as I wanted to stand out as a bride. Had Hari been there, am sure he would have pulled me in for a debate on topic “why do girls choose beauty/fashion over convenience” LOL.

We reached the mandapam. The saastrigal was there to welcome me, chanting some mantras, putting a garland around my neck and I was asked to go inside the mandap, placing my right foot first. I went inside and sat there for a while, when the garland started contributing heavily to the itch. Amma was telling me that she cant listen to my cribs about saree and jewels and that she’s glad the wedding is for a day and a half unlike the usual Brahmin weddings which go for 3 days[Hari wanted a half-a-day marriage but my family was adamant on 3 days, so the wedding was planned for a day and a half after a bit of haggling between both the sides] . I asked the saastrigal if I can remove the garland. He said “none will recognize you to be the bride if you remove it. You are that tiny”. I was so sick of that comment as everybody who saw me since I landed, ebbed me away with it. When I was wishing that the saastrigal should be the last person whom I have to hear that comment from, maami whispered “a lot more to come baby”. It was true. That would be the first time, many of Hari’s relatives would see me and I knew I cant escape from that comment :(

We were waiting for the groom. It started raining. Everybody entered the panic mode worrying that the rain would cause discomfiture when Hari arrives. Their worries multiplied when someone threw a rumor that its gonna rain heavily for 2 days. I was teasing amma that it rains on my wedding since she has the habit of eating raw rice. :)

I was informed that the groom has arrived and was asked to stand at the entrance to greet him and his family. There he came with his geek glasses on [he had told me he would wear it on our wedding and he certainly did], to the horror of my family, to whom he looked much older than he actually is. Did I mention that was the first time my family met him too? May be, he caught the expression of my family right, he had changed to his normal glasses when the rituals started. I then started receiving compliments from my family that we make a nice pair :) I bade a “hi” to his relatives and needless to say that everybody’s talks were punctuated with the irritating comment of how thin I am.

Viratham started 9-ish. Appa was doing all the stuff and the chanting of the mantras seemed soporific to me, since I had only 4 hours of sleep last night. But then, I wanted my photos to be good and was making myself fresh drinking juices and smiling always so that any click from the photographer captures my smile. Finally by 12, the kankanam was tied in my hands and the saastrigal said “I don’t want to see you roaming around. And remember you are not supposed to step out of the mandapam since you have the kankanam now”. I said “okay, can I remove this garland now?” He said “you are keen on it, do it. And I don’t want you asking me if you can remove this kankanam”. I gave him a seething look for making me win the sniggers from my cousins.

That evening was the nichyadhaartham and reception and I got a few minutes to rest. Everybody was telling that the food was sumptuously awesome. I didn’t get a chance to taste it though, due to viratham. Then I started preparing for the nichyadhaartham. We had to have my hair plaited long, of course with the sowri. My hair wasn’t even fit for the initial plaits. I heard my chithi murmuring something about my hair and I turned back and asked what it was with a I’ll-kill-you look. I had promised them that I’ll not cut my hair after engagement till marriage and I lived up to it, apart from the inconveniences it caused. I wasn’t even allowed to trim my hair. But only so much grew and I could do nothing. So I had told them before the day of marriage that if anyone ever opens their mouth to complain about my hair, they are gone. Chithi knew it very well and so she said she was murmuring some slogam and not about my hair. :) They had to do a ponytail and then attach the sowri to it to everybody’s horror of when it would fall off. The nichyadhaartham was just for an hour and I had to be in the dais for less than 20 mins. Thanks Prasanna, I am glad you were there to fulfill the place of a brother and you looked really cute.

Then I had only an hour and a half to get ready for the reception. The next saree and the next set of jewels. I was very relieved since I was allowed to leave my hair free for the reception. I was led to the dais at 7pm and the stage had been very well decorated. Hari was looking great in his suit but within a blink, he took it off, complaining about the sweat. Everybody started marching towards us with gifts. Least did I attempt to register in mind the unknown people when they were introduced. The crowd was so huge and how in the name of heaven will I remember all the names? Fat chance.

The concert by Ravishankar was just awesome. It was supposed to be a keyboard instrumental, but due to power issues, it changed to be a carnatic music concert. He was really good. We weren’t spared even full 10 mins to listen to him as we had to shake hands with people visiting us. It was so nice to see you sing, appa, on my reception. I always wanted atleast one of your songs staged for my wedding and I thank you, you sang two, one of them being my all time favourite and that too, upon my request.

It was great to see you, Sachi after a really long time but you intimidated me by standing beside me for the photo. Of course, the height difference boy. You gave my guy a chance to make fun of me with that photo, as if he’s 6 ft. LOL

Thanks Aadhi for bringing in your friends. It was nice to pose for a photo sandwiched between handsome young guys, being tired of oldies. A special thanks to you, as you dressed up good upon my request, leaving off your usual skull shirt, revolutionist cargo pants and a weird watch. Sorry bud, I am bullying you, but you know we have a hair-racking relationship and I can very well take that privilege. :)

It was great to see you Shenbagam and Satish, after a really really long time, I guess 4 years. I wasn’t surprised to see you put on weight Kullu, but Shen, I was dumbstruck to see you. Stupid, bloody idiot, you were worse than me, remember. I thought both of us cannot cross 40 kgs no matter what. You beat my theory first, you piece of sweet!

We called it a day at 9PM and I went off stage to receive compliments for my make-up.
The next day was the big day and I could hardly sleep. I was a lil restless. I knew I am marrying a guy whom I had known for more than 8 months and I knew I had developed a good rapport with my in-laws and their relatives. But I had to bump into the typical “Indian girl” in me every now and then, and she pushed me to visit the fidgetiness often. Finally I forced myself to sleep.

I woke up on the big day at 3.30AM in the morning, and once again the usual drama of taking head bath, doing bridal make up, blah blah. I felt I was looking good this day, than the previous, which athai justified that the girl attains a tejas when kanyadhaanam happens. Whatever, I was happy I was looking good in my saree which was of my favorite color green.

They said kasi yaathrai was happening then and asked me to go the mandapam entrance for unjal. After my appa, according to the Vedas, had prevented Hari from setting upon Sanyaasam, promising that he would give me to him, the garland exchange, which is typical and the most funful event in Brahmin marriages happened. Hari was so bulkier and I wonder how he was lifted so high by his mama, cousins and who not, I had to throw the garland to his neck. I wasn’t lifted high at all, myself being so skinny. I jeered at my relatives “I want to be lifted high right now, do you guys understand me?” [I was really wishing that the photographer hadn’t captured this reaction of mine]. Then Ravi and chithappa came out of nowhere pronto, and lifted me so high and Hari had hard time reaching me. Yehhhh!!! A smile of victory from me!

Then, Hari was asked to hold my hands for the first time and we were led to the unjal. We would have spent about 40 mins to an hour in unjal, with everybody giving paal-pazham and singing songs. Then we went to the dais and sat. I was given the madisaar. I had to go dress up in 20 mins.

There came the nightmare, not only for me but for everybody that how would I be wrapped around in a 9-yard saree and how to make it stay on me. Everybody was so confident that i would look terrible in it. Hari’s athai and amma came and started wrapping the saree around. They were done in 10 mins. I turned so reluctantly to look myself in the mirror. Voila!!!! It was so good on me. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. His athai said she didn’t see it fit anybody better than for me. Everybody said I was great. Then they started changing the jewels.

Amma had sneaked in the breakfast but I was in no mood to have it.

“I feel like nauseating whenever I see food amma. I’ll just have lime juice”

“I insist you have this breakfast now”

“I cant am telling you. Am supposed to be fasting till the muhurtham is over”

“Don’t teach me the rules. You can’t survive the ceremony if you don’t eat. It’ll take till 2pm to be over”

I reluctantly agreed to eat and amma gave me idly as jewels were being adorned. I would have had half of it, when everything came out. I started crying, which I usually do when I vomit, and threw a cold look at amma suggesting “I told you I cant”. Amma started scolding me left, right and middle, and the bickering between us was ended by appa whom I happened to see in my room only then, in the 2 days. He reconciled us, asking me to stop crying as its an evil omen and scolding amma that she shouldn’t be this rude to the kid who’s gonna get married.

I didn’t wanna miss the rare few mins I got with my appa in my room.

“How are you appa?”

“Am fine. Why do you ask that? You see me every minute”

“Do you really think so?”

“What happened?”

“You were such a dad, who used to relish your daughter, when she even changes her stud or does a different hairstyle. Its her wedding now. Did you notice what saree am wearing? Did you notice the jewels? Did you notice how pretty I am? I know you are busy but wouldn’t it be nice to see every pinch of your daughter, on the day you have been waiting for, for years since she was born? After 2 days, when you sit back and see my photos, you would ask amma “was she like this?” with a pricking pain. I wouldn’t be there beside you to share it with you.”

Just then, his name was called and he just gave a helpless look at me and a pat on my cheeks and hurried away. I was atleast glad that I managed to tell him I missed him so much.

Then they asked me to come to the dais and I was so excited as I had to sit on my appa’s lap. It was a great feeling. How I had longed to sit on his lap for years! Appa had never really allowed me to sit on his lap since I was what, 15, may be. Today, he had no choice! :)

It was an inexpressible feeling with the man of my life standing in front of me chanting the mantras, ready to take me away from the man who had meant the life for me. I was filled with an avalanche of emotions and managed to take in the word of the saastrigal that we shouldn’t allow anyone to touch us after thaali is tied until saptapati is over. There came the gettimelam, and there I was, Mrs. Iyer.

It took great efforts to safeguard ourselves from swarming people. Once saptapati was over, people were congratulating us and I got so many compliments and dhrishti removals from elders. :) Then the final event was “pori idudhal” during which the wife will be made to stand and do the ritual. But I don’t know if the saastrigal felt I was a kid beside Hari, he made me sit on his lap and do it. Our cheeks were reddening to the core, giving the audience a great reason to launch sheepish glances and comments for.

It was nice to see all the relatives. Thanks for coming Harish. You were my best friend since I was a teen and I thought you skipped my wedding, when you didn’t make it for the reception. But when I saw you on the wedding day, it struck me that you had always said you wanted to see how funny I am in madisaar on my marriage.

The main event was finally over and we went for lunch finally at 2pm. My family knew that am a strict no-no for feeding sweet to each other and posing for photo during lunch and so didn’t even attempt at it. The others kept asking us if we did it and Hari said we have done it to shut them up. Thanks to him, he also doesn’t like it.

I had time for chat with all the relatives after lunch. Then came the nalangu, also called nathanaar-vilaiyadal. I wasn’t at all interested in it, neither did Hari. But everyone else seemed to want it. Okay, jump on the bandwagon!!! We had to do all the stupid things like appalam breaking, thengai sandai, etc, etc. I only benefited a bleeding scratch on my finger from Hari’s nails during the games.

Everybody said that the marriage was grandeur. Thanks maama maami and chithi chithappa, without you guys, I cannot even imagine how the marriage would have happened this grand and peaceful. There are a lots and lots of your efforts and I owe you gratitude. Everybody was praising the food served during the 2 days. Thanks perippa, its you who pointed us to the caterer, he was awesome. Thanks jayama chithi, you helped dressing me up so well, without you I wouldnt have looked that great for sure. Thanks kalyaani athai, you were showering me with compliments, you were enjoying every reaction of mine, which really made me feel so special. Thanks sugu chithappa, I wonder what you do, you just drive away my headache in a jiffy with one touch of yours, its because of you I managed to stand in the reception. Thanks raja chithappa, without your heart-felt hug which spoke a lot during my departure, I wouldn’t have felt complete. Thanks namagiri athai and jaya athai, you guys would have broken knuckles by now, destroying my dhrishti. Thanks Ravi, you were the one who tirelessly supported appa in all the preparations, you were the right hand for him. Thanks Rajesh, you had crocin and juice ready in your hand whenever I yelled for them, and I was so moved to see you beside me after the muhurtham till the end of residual rituals, when everybody else vanished. Thanks Lalli and Sri, you were the manappen thozhis, although you never came and stood by me.

And a big, huge or whatever word is better, thanks to thaatha paatti. Thaatha, I don’t know if anyone other than you, in the age of more than 80, will have spirits and enthusiasm and love like you. You never sat sighing, and you were just spinning doing this and that, while I was half-dead during the second day. Paatti, its becoz of you I didn’t feel bad for the absence of ranga paatti, whose soul am sure would have been there with me every second during my marriage.

And finally, thanks to Hari’s relatives, you guys were so content and never showed the “maappillai aathu midukku”. It was so great of you all to have borne any mistake, if any, that happened unknowingly. One fault from your lips would have collapsed my appa. Thanks for having been very understanding.

It was finally the time to bid good-bye to everyone in my family. I was actually a little strong and didn’t cry in the beginning, as I had been away from my family for more than a year and a half. But then when the time came to board the car, tears came out of nowhere, as a sense of detachment from my family popped in. Everybody from athai to chithappa was crying and I could find my amma and appa.

Then paatti said they were back in the mandapam, shying away from the scene, as they wouldn’t bear seeing me go away. I noticed them standing far away inside the mandapam and asked them to come over. My amma’s eyes were red with tears and appa completely broke off on seeing me, crying hard as never.

After a while, I set off with my new family. The days after till my departure, were just bliss in my in-laws’. My mom-in-law wouldn’t even ask Hari if he needs coffee when he wakes up, a glass of milk would be ready for me when I get up. I am really not wishing for a typical maamiyaar and marumagal, who are always branded to be at loggerheads. I hope I manage to live up to their expectations to get this love and affection ever.