I am done with Harry Potter series finally. I never had any inclination to read the books thinking that its for kids, until I saw Hari who abstained himself from the world around him since he wanted to read the final book of Harry Potter series without a meager disturbance, when the book came out. He also told me that there were people who completed the 700 odd paged book overnight, coz of the fear that the secrets of the story would fall into their ears from someone who has already read it. It was then I started reading the first one and I swear I was absolutely tied to it. I couldn’t think of reading any book other than Harry Potter and was so much influenced by it that my dreams were filled with it, my words adapted the style of some character or the other in the story, and I admit I started having crushes not only on the characters, but also on those who acted in the movies :) The movie cant even stand a zillion miles away from the book though. When Hari asked me what he could get for my birthday, the immediate response from me was “Harry Potter and the deathly hallows book”. I didn’t know then if I was happy since I would know what happens to whom finally in the long story or if I was disappointed as it was the last book and Harry Potter would be out of my life till the next movie half blood prince comes. However, I would have watched the movies atleast 3 times each and I will keep doing it.
The last chapter of deathly hallows was an ultimate treat. I was enjoying every line, every word of it. And the best conversation I like in the whole series is the one between Harry and Rufus Scrimgeour, the minister of magic in “Harry Potter and the half blood prince” when Harry denies Scrimgeour’s persuasion of him to work for ministry. It’s a heated conversation and I couldn’t believe how Harry had grown to be an adolescent, knowing to speak that much, his words impregnated with bullies. Anyways, it was a nice conversation and god knows how many times I read it.
Hermione had always been close to my heart and of course, Ron. I actually liked Rupert Grint better than Daniel Radcliffe in the movie. I loved Albus Dumbledore to such an extent that I was weeping so badly when he was murdered, and its nothing when compared to that on Snape at the end, whom I had always hated terribly till the last chapters of the last book.
I was hell-bent on not watching the movies before reading the books and I am telling you, I have been wise. The charm of the story will certainly be killed if the movie is watched first.
I actually wanted to write more but then, I started reading my favorite conversation in the series while writing this post, which has forced me to abandon writing. I am setting off to read all my favorites in the story. I am sure many of you would have read it already. But if there’s anyone who hasn’t, trust me, you are missing something really really big in your hobby.
J.K.R is the best. Can’t wait to read “Tales of Beedle the Bard”. I have already preordered the book and waiting for Dec 4th.
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Monday, November 24, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Its 2 months since am married. The first month was so busy in India and the 2nd month was busy here making our house a home. Life is undoubtedly a fun, with the guy of your life always by your side, you needn’t wait for the weekend to meet him and you needn’t have a gloomy face which you’ll have when he drops you back at your home after a weekend movie. I, as of now, don’t feel I am loaded with additional responsibilities, especially when it comes to cooking. I, with roommates, used to cook daily, unlike the others here who say they cook only once in 2 or 3 days. I just find no difference in responsibilities, its my husband now with me, instead of a roomie.
Yesterday when I received a very late wish for my wedding, the thoughts about my marriage day came to me and it struck me that I haven’t written about it. So here I am making note of what I remember of my marriage for my future reminiscence.
On Sep 2nd, my preparations for the big day started with the usual bride-ish stuffs like facials and mehndi. I was at maama’s home. I thought of ending the day at 10pm and went to bed then, as I had to get up really early the next day. I would have just closed my eyes when they were peeled by the shriek let out by my athai who had just arrived. My sleep was thrown away by an array of hugs and kisses from her. I had to force myself to sleep at 10.30. Then by 11, I heard some mumblings and woke up to see my dad who had just come back home. He had been frantically busy for more than 2 months and I felt really bad to see him returning home at 11, even the night before the wedding. While everybody was praising the sarees dad had bought for the family, I could see nothing other than the figure of my dad struggling with around atleast 12 huge bags of sarees and dhotis in his hand. I felt so totally helpless. We, for whom the native is Erode, had fixed up the wedding in Chennai due to certain factors and we had no clue as to go where for what. Dad shouldered the entire burden solely, with none to help him with the preparations in an unknown city. I wonder from where in the world he got all the energy to arrange everything on his own. For the first time ever in life, I kept aside the iam-glad-am-single-child thought and I felt I should have had a brother, who at this instance would have been a lot helpful. Anyways.
Everybody was telling they should make less noise and should allow me to sleep but kept bellowing about something or the other. I didn’t know when the noises died away and when I fell asleep.
The next morning I was woken up by the singsong voice of my thaatha who was chanting the mantras for vinayagar chaturthi pooja. The information that I got up flew to my paatti and she told Sri, who was ready to go for bath, that she cannot go next and she also told that all the others are to get ready only after I am done. I started to enjoy all the attention and gave Sri, who was already gnashing her teeth at me, a glorious look and headed to get ready.
Maami wrapped me up in a purple saree and I had to wear all the jewels. After the usual namaskarams, we headed in 3 cars towards the mandapam. Through out the way I was cribbing about the itching the jewels were giving me, yet I didn’t wanna remove them as I wanted to stand out as a bride. Had Hari been there, am sure he would have pulled me in for a debate on topic “why do girls choose beauty/fashion over convenience” LOL.
We reached the mandapam. The saastrigal was there to welcome me, chanting some mantras, putting a garland around my neck and I was asked to go inside the mandap, placing my right foot first. I went inside and sat there for a while, when the garland started contributing heavily to the itch. Amma was telling me that she cant listen to my cribs about saree and jewels and that she’s glad the wedding is for a day and a half unlike the usual Brahmin weddings which go for 3 days[Hari wanted a half-a-day marriage but my family was adamant on 3 days, so the wedding was planned for a day and a half after a bit of haggling between both the sides] . I asked the saastrigal if I can remove the garland. He said “none will recognize you to be the bride if you remove it. You are that tiny”. I was so sick of that comment as everybody who saw me since I landed, ebbed me away with it. When I was wishing that the saastrigal should be the last person whom I have to hear that comment from, maami whispered “a lot more to come baby”. It was true. That would be the first time, many of Hari’s relatives would see me and I knew I cant escape from that comment :(
We were waiting for the groom. It started raining. Everybody entered the panic mode worrying that the rain would cause discomfiture when Hari arrives. Their worries multiplied when someone threw a rumor that its gonna rain heavily for 2 days. I was teasing amma that it rains on my wedding since she has the habit of eating raw rice. :)
I was informed that the groom has arrived and was asked to stand at the entrance to greet him and his family. There he came with his geek glasses on [he had told me he would wear it on our wedding and he certainly did], to the horror of my family, to whom he looked much older than he actually is. Did I mention that was the first time my family met him too? May be, he caught the expression of my family right, he had changed to his normal glasses when the rituals started. I then started receiving compliments from my family that we make a nice pair :) I bade a “hi” to his relatives and needless to say that everybody’s talks were punctuated with the irritating comment of how thin I am.
Viratham started 9-ish. Appa was doing all the stuff and the chanting of the mantras seemed soporific to me, since I had only 4 hours of sleep last night. But then, I wanted my photos to be good and was making myself fresh drinking juices and smiling always so that any click from the photographer captures my smile. Finally by 12, the kankanam was tied in my hands and the saastrigal said “I don’t want to see you roaming around. And remember you are not supposed to step out of the mandapam since you have the kankanam now”. I said “okay, can I remove this garland now?” He said “you are keen on it, do it. And I don’t want you asking me if you can remove this kankanam”. I gave him a seething look for making me win the sniggers from my cousins.
That evening was the nichyadhaartham and reception and I got a few minutes to rest. Everybody was telling that the food was sumptuously awesome. I didn’t get a chance to taste it though, due to viratham. Then I started preparing for the nichyadhaartham. We had to have my hair plaited long, of course with the sowri. My hair wasn’t even fit for the initial plaits. I heard my chithi murmuring something about my hair and I turned back and asked what it was with a I’ll-kill-you look. I had promised them that I’ll not cut my hair after engagement till marriage and I lived up to it, apart from the inconveniences it caused. I wasn’t even allowed to trim my hair. But only so much grew and I could do nothing. So I had told them before the day of marriage that if anyone ever opens their mouth to complain about my hair, they are gone. Chithi knew it very well and so she said she was murmuring some slogam and not about my hair. :) They had to do a ponytail and then attach the sowri to it to everybody’s horror of when it would fall off. The nichyadhaartham was just for an hour and I had to be in the dais for less than 20 mins. Thanks Prasanna, I am glad you were there to fulfill the place of a brother and you looked really cute.
Then I had only an hour and a half to get ready for the reception. The next saree and the next set of jewels. I was very relieved since I was allowed to leave my hair free for the reception. I was led to the dais at 7pm and the stage had been very well decorated. Hari was looking great in his suit but within a blink, he took it off, complaining about the sweat. Everybody started marching towards us with gifts. Least did I attempt to register in mind the unknown people when they were introduced. The crowd was so huge and how in the name of heaven will I remember all the names? Fat chance.
The concert by Ravishankar was just awesome. It was supposed to be a keyboard instrumental, but due to power issues, it changed to be a carnatic music concert. He was really good. We weren’t spared even full 10 mins to listen to him as we had to shake hands with people visiting us. It was so nice to see you sing, appa, on my reception. I always wanted atleast one of your songs staged for my wedding and I thank you, you sang two, one of them being my all time favourite and that too, upon my request.
It was great to see you, Sachi after a really long time but you intimidated me by standing beside me for the photo. Of course, the height difference boy. You gave my guy a chance to make fun of me with that photo, as if he’s 6 ft. LOL
Thanks Aadhi for bringing in your friends. It was nice to pose for a photo sandwiched between handsome young guys, being tired of oldies. A special thanks to you, as you dressed up good upon my request, leaving off your usual skull shirt, revolutionist cargo pants and a weird watch. Sorry bud, I am bullying you, but you know we have a hair-racking relationship and I can very well take that privilege. :)
It was great to see you Shenbagam and Satish, after a really really long time, I guess 4 years. I wasn’t surprised to see you put on weight Kullu, but Shen, I was dumbstruck to see you. Stupid, bloody idiot, you were worse than me, remember. I thought both of us cannot cross 40 kgs no matter what. You beat my theory first, you piece of sweet!
We called it a day at 9PM and I went off stage to receive compliments for my make-up.
The next day was the big day and I could hardly sleep. I was a lil restless. I knew I am marrying a guy whom I had known for more than 8 months and I knew I had developed a good rapport with my in-laws and their relatives. But I had to bump into the typical “Indian girl” in me every now and then, and she pushed me to visit the fidgetiness often. Finally I forced myself to sleep.
I woke up on the big day at 3.30AM in the morning, and once again the usual drama of taking head bath, doing bridal make up, blah blah. I felt I was looking good this day, than the previous, which athai justified that the girl attains a tejas when kanyadhaanam happens. Whatever, I was happy I was looking good in my saree which was of my favorite color green.
They said kasi yaathrai was happening then and asked me to go the mandapam entrance for unjal. After my appa, according to the Vedas, had prevented Hari from setting upon Sanyaasam, promising that he would give me to him, the garland exchange, which is typical and the most funful event in Brahmin marriages happened. Hari was so bulkier and I wonder how he was lifted so high by his mama, cousins and who not, I had to throw the garland to his neck. I wasn’t lifted high at all, myself being so skinny. I jeered at my relatives “I want to be lifted high right now, do you guys understand me?” [I was really wishing that the photographer hadn’t captured this reaction of mine]. Then Ravi and chithappa came out of nowhere pronto, and lifted me so high and Hari had hard time reaching me. Yehhhh!!! A smile of victory from me!
Then, Hari was asked to hold my hands for the first time and we were led to the unjal. We would have spent about 40 mins to an hour in unjal, with everybody giving paal-pazham and singing songs. Then we went to the dais and sat. I was given the madisaar. I had to go dress up in 20 mins.
There came the nightmare, not only for me but for everybody that how would I be wrapped around in a 9-yard saree and how to make it stay on me. Everybody was so confident that i would look terrible in it. Hari’s athai and amma came and started wrapping the saree around. They were done in 10 mins. I turned so reluctantly to look myself in the mirror. Voila!!!! It was so good on me. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. His athai said she didn’t see it fit anybody better than for me. Everybody said I was great. Then they started changing the jewels.
Amma had sneaked in the breakfast but I was in no mood to have it.
“I feel like nauseating whenever I see food amma. I’ll just have lime juice”
“I insist you have this breakfast now”
“I cant am telling you. Am supposed to be fasting till the muhurtham is over”
“Don’t teach me the rules. You can’t survive the ceremony if you don’t eat. It’ll take till 2pm to be over”
I reluctantly agreed to eat and amma gave me idly as jewels were being adorned. I would have had half of it, when everything came out. I started crying, which I usually do when I vomit, and threw a cold look at amma suggesting “I told you I cant”. Amma started scolding me left, right and middle, and the bickering between us was ended by appa whom I happened to see in my room only then, in the 2 days. He reconciled us, asking me to stop crying as its an evil omen and scolding amma that she shouldn’t be this rude to the kid who’s gonna get married.
I didn’t wanna miss the rare few mins I got with my appa in my room.
“How are you appa?”
“Am fine. Why do you ask that? You see me every minute”
“Do you really think so?”
“What happened?”
“You were such a dad, who used to relish your daughter, when she even changes her stud or does a different hairstyle. Its her wedding now. Did you notice what saree am wearing? Did you notice the jewels? Did you notice how pretty I am? I know you are busy but wouldn’t it be nice to see every pinch of your daughter, on the day you have been waiting for, for years since she was born? After 2 days, when you sit back and see my photos, you would ask amma “was she like this?” with a pricking pain. I wouldn’t be there beside you to share it with you.”
Just then, his name was called and he just gave a helpless look at me and a pat on my cheeks and hurried away. I was atleast glad that I managed to tell him I missed him so much.
Then they asked me to come to the dais and I was so excited as I had to sit on my appa’s lap. It was a great feeling. How I had longed to sit on his lap for years! Appa had never really allowed me to sit on his lap since I was what, 15, may be. Today, he had no choice! :)
It was an inexpressible feeling with the man of my life standing in front of me chanting the mantras, ready to take me away from the man who had meant the life for me. I was filled with an avalanche of emotions and managed to take in the word of the saastrigal that we shouldn’t allow anyone to touch us after thaali is tied until saptapati is over. There came the gettimelam, and there I was, Mrs. Iyer.
It took great efforts to safeguard ourselves from swarming people. Once saptapati was over, people were congratulating us and I got so many compliments and dhrishti removals from elders. :) Then the final event was “pori idudhal” during which the wife will be made to stand and do the ritual. But I don’t know if the saastrigal felt I was a kid beside Hari, he made me sit on his lap and do it. Our cheeks were reddening to the core, giving the audience a great reason to launch sheepish glances and comments for.
It was nice to see all the relatives. Thanks for coming Harish. You were my best friend since I was a teen and I thought you skipped my wedding, when you didn’t make it for the reception. But when I saw you on the wedding day, it struck me that you had always said you wanted to see how funny I am in madisaar on my marriage.
The main event was finally over and we went for lunch finally at 2pm. My family knew that am a strict no-no for feeding sweet to each other and posing for photo during lunch and so didn’t even attempt at it. The others kept asking us if we did it and Hari said we have done it to shut them up. Thanks to him, he also doesn’t like it.
I had time for chat with all the relatives after lunch. Then came the nalangu, also called nathanaar-vilaiyadal. I wasn’t at all interested in it, neither did Hari. But everyone else seemed to want it. Okay, jump on the bandwagon!!! We had to do all the stupid things like appalam breaking, thengai sandai, etc, etc. I only benefited a bleeding scratch on my finger from Hari’s nails during the games.
Everybody said that the marriage was grandeur. Thanks maama maami and chithi chithappa, without you guys, I cannot even imagine how the marriage would have happened this grand and peaceful. There are a lots and lots of your efforts and I owe you gratitude. Everybody was praising the food served during the 2 days. Thanks perippa, its you who pointed us to the caterer, he was awesome. Thanks jayama chithi, you helped dressing me up so well, without you I wouldnt have looked that great for sure. Thanks kalyaani athai, you were showering me with compliments, you were enjoying every reaction of mine, which really made me feel so special. Thanks sugu chithappa, I wonder what you do, you just drive away my headache in a jiffy with one touch of yours, its because of you I managed to stand in the reception. Thanks raja chithappa, without your heart-felt hug which spoke a lot during my departure, I wouldn’t have felt complete. Thanks namagiri athai and jaya athai, you guys would have broken knuckles by now, destroying my dhrishti. Thanks Ravi, you were the one who tirelessly supported appa in all the preparations, you were the right hand for him. Thanks Rajesh, you had crocin and juice ready in your hand whenever I yelled for them, and I was so moved to see you beside me after the muhurtham till the end of residual rituals, when everybody else vanished. Thanks Lalli and Sri, you were the manappen thozhis, although you never came and stood by me.
And a big, huge or whatever word is better, thanks to thaatha paatti. Thaatha, I don’t know if anyone other than you, in the age of more than 80, will have spirits and enthusiasm and love like you. You never sat sighing, and you were just spinning doing this and that, while I was half-dead during the second day. Paatti, its becoz of you I didn’t feel bad for the absence of ranga paatti, whose soul am sure would have been there with me every second during my marriage.
And finally, thanks to Hari’s relatives, you guys were so content and never showed the “maappillai aathu midukku”. It was so great of you all to have borne any mistake, if any, that happened unknowingly. One fault from your lips would have collapsed my appa. Thanks for having been very understanding.
It was finally the time to bid good-bye to everyone in my family. I was actually a little strong and didn’t cry in the beginning, as I had been away from my family for more than a year and a half. But then when the time came to board the car, tears came out of nowhere, as a sense of detachment from my family popped in. Everybody from athai to chithappa was crying and I could find my amma and appa.
Then paatti said they were back in the mandapam, shying away from the scene, as they wouldn’t bear seeing me go away. I noticed them standing far away inside the mandapam and asked them to come over. My amma’s eyes were red with tears and appa completely broke off on seeing me, crying hard as never.
After a while, I set off with my new family. The days after till my departure, were just bliss in my in-laws’. My mom-in-law wouldn’t even ask Hari if he needs coffee when he wakes up, a glass of milk would be ready for me when I get up. I am really not wishing for a typical maamiyaar and marumagal, who are always branded to be at loggerheads. I hope I manage to live up to their expectations to get this love and affection ever.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Am excited. Very excited. Counting the days has become counting the hours now. Am just 24 hours away from meeting my family. Am traveling to India in a couple of hours after a looooong gap of a year and a half. Here I am writing the blog from the SFO International airport. This is my first travel to home after coming to the USA. So the gifts for guys back home have got piled up in my baggages and I am glad am entitled to carry 70 lbs/bag.
Mom and dad say they cannot wait to see me. So am I. Me, being the only girl child for the entire family, I am expecting atleast 10 people to receive me at the Chennai airport. :-)
Its just gonna be a festival and I am gonna enjoy all the attention given. Mom had told me that she’s gonna prepare at least 3 dishes per day and my taste buds are so desperate to taste paruppu saadham with vandal rasam of mom, and yeah the urulai kizhangu fry and podimaas. Boyyy….I feel very nostalgic at the very thought of it. Mom has also ordered dad that its his responsibility to give me orange juice, tender coconut, dry fruits and cucumber daily. :-)
Excitement apart, am a lil scared coz my in-laws are going to meet me for the first time in person. Its pretty natural for any girl to have a cannot-be-explained feeling at this instance. Am not sure if they’ll like me or not when they see me. I have heard people say that am good at making first impression. It has worked out as far as my persona is concerned but am not sure if it’ll work when it comes to looks. I know my in-laws like me very much as a person and I hope looks shouldn’t matter. But still, I really pray they should like me coz its very easy to frame a dislike towards a person just by one very look at him/her. I have done that many a times. I really hope for the best and am sure they are going to like me.
Hari had come to drop me at the airport and a final hug from him as a bachelor was too much to resist tears and pulled the thought of meeting my family for my defense. Remember, I don’t like crying. May be he would have felt triumphant, had I shed some tears. :-)
On reaching there, I guess the first one hour would go in analyzing how and what I have become, how I have changed. Am sure to receive from mom the comment "whether or not my daughter is immune to diseases, she is for sure immune to gaining weight".
I’ll be reaching India at 1.30 early in the morning and I need to go for shopping after a few hours of dawn. I hope my jetlag wouldn’t be much of a hindrance. If it is too, I can’t do much about it, it is shopping and it is.
I am longing to go to my home and lay on my favorite sofa and watch tv. There’s no picturesque place than home. I need to go check what has happened to my rose plants. I need to go roaming in the neighborhood, where in I was considered the best girl. I might still be considered so, who knows. J I need to go meet my favorite tailor. I need to go to my favorite goddess in my favorite temple. I need to go the schools I studied, wherein the teachers, who taught me or not, remember me so well even today and tell my dad that I was their darling whenever he goes there for inspection. There are just too many favorites and very little time.
Okayyy…..preboarding for my flight starts now and am going with lots of expectations, emotions, desires, what not.
Am coming India!!!!
Friday, July 25, 2008
So You Think You can Dance has become one of my favourite shows. I have been watching it only since the last season, missed 2 of the seasons before.
People say Jodi No 1 has been copied from this show, but saying so is absolutely derogatory to this American show because the JN standards cannot even stand a few hundred miles away from the standards of this show.
I was/am a person who watched/is watching this JN’s every episode without missing but that doesn’t mean am a fan of it. The latest season of JN has the pairs who have already participated in the previous seasons, even the winners. Why is that? Why should the contestants be only the celebrities? If you run out of celebrities who dance and perform, will you bring on board the previous contenders? That’s insane. Go pick the talents from the streets and showcase them, damn it. I saw JN’s season 3 promo and I wasn’t able to get rid of the girl-who-stamped-shit reaction. What the heck was that. It really didn’t suit you rustic guys and gals. Do what suits you, you dumbos. I don’t blame you for wearing those modern outfits but why do you jacks have to bear that master-of-all look. The one that provokes me the most is Pooja. Why do you have to always munch chicklet and over-act for anything and everything lady? You give the impression of a w*ore I tell you. [This is for “those” who claim me to the biggest fan of JN and this para is to openly disapprove of it]. I’ll be really happy if “those” people brand me to be the fan of So You Think You Can Dance.
Now back to this amazing American show. The talents are being picked from the mass and the choreographers train these people every week for their performances. They dance in pairs initially and as the competition ripens, their solos become important too, and the winner will be one girl/boy and not a pair. And of course, based on America’s voting. Every week after the performances, one boy and one girl will get cut till the final count of contestants are arrived at for the finale. They bring all the styles of dancing and I was applauding when they brought a bollywood routine on stage. The couple who danced it was unbelievably hilarious, except for certain authentic bollywood moves which were made hip-hop and Russian. But that can be forgiven undoubtedly. This is what I can call versatility. Thanks to the choreographers Nakul and Mala.
Every contender’s specialization would be contemporary or hip-hop and it’s quite amazing to see them adapt other styles starting from disco, and samba to ball room and jazz. And there are certain choreographers who embed so much of creativity in the routines, so much of story in the steps. And the contestants certainly do justice to that creativity by bringing it out so well. [A comparison of this to JN season 1 romance round Prem-Pooja performance, which was admired to be creative, leaves me to say “you are fools” to JN’s judges]. The best among the creative choreographers was Mia Michaels. Every routine of hers is just mind blowing. She’s undoubtedly the reigning queen of contemporary. Another one whom I like is Tyce, whose routines will be different too. The styles are so tough and require lot of energy and the dancers can easily be fatigued.
The contestants try their best not to let the fall of energy bleed onto the skin of the dance floor [I pirated this comment from the choreographer Lil’C who judged a week. Man..is he a choreographer or a professor of literature!! I have become a great fan of his vocabulary and eloquence].
I have a lot of favorites amongst the contenders. The one I loved the most was Kherington. She’s a dazzling beauty of 18, from California. She is extremely pretty and there had been no routine, in which I hadn’t fallen for her expressions. Her smile is just breath-taking. She has got the structure to dance, she’s got legs, she’s got everything boy. I just love her. She’s good at dancing too. Give her any style of dancing-she’ll rule. Give her buck, give her krump, she just takes completely a different arrogant personality for those styles, as against the assumed softness on seeing her face.
Another favorite is Twitch. I don’t have anything to say other than that he’s so muscular and majestic and really good at dancing. Am sure he is the one who’s gonna get all the teens’ votes.
I was so happy to see Twitch and Kherington paired and I loved every routine of them. The buck number is the one which I loved the most.
Katee and Will are technically very very sound. Both of them haven’t received any negative comment till now from the judges. I had always felt that Katee and Will should compete in the finale. They are the ones who deserve the stage till the end.
Apart from all these, the host Cat Deeley is a stunning beauty. However crappy a dress you ask her to wear, she can carry it. And she really has a nice sense of humour.
This show has some awful things like the judge Nigel gesticulating with his abnormal maxilla and mandible and the judge Marie lets out a scream as a token of her appreciation which drives everybody deaf. But it surely takes you to an absolute utopia of dance, which you can set your expectations high upon.
Last week my fav Kherington was voted out of the competition to my anguish. It’s the luck which played. Otherwise, she wasn’t the worst at all among the lot. I’ll no more see her in the competition. Last season, there was a very handsome guy Pasha, my fav, who was voted out like this, despite not being the worst. But I got to see him again this season choreographing for a routine. I am hoping to see Kherington too in the forthcoming seasons. Miss you Kherington!!!
This week another shock was that Will was voted out. I couldn’t believe it. What’s happening America? Will was the most technically strongest and he’s chucked out. I wanted him in the finals :( He has great technique and lines and I am sure he’ll not be let unnoticed.
I have Katie and Twitch still in. I am really hoping that Katee should bag the title. Lets see.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
A year of contractorship bundled with insecurity, longing, am-sorry-no-PTO-no-benefits look from Manager is all over.
I was forced to enter this “C” company as a contractor due to situations before a year. Though every Tom Dick and Harry does contracting in this country, I somehow felt I cant do it. I have heard that the contractors in most of the companies would be singled out for any happening in the company and the manager, if he wishes, can throw an offer of attending them. Most companies mask the contractors from the client they are working for and any transaction to/from the client has to go via an employee. This feel drove me insane and I wasn’t quite inclined to this. Whenever I had spoken about this with my friends, they said its just the same as you come onsite to the client’s place, being an employee of some company in India. I couldn’t agree to it. In my case, the company which sent me onsite was a big shot atleast in India and I didn’t have any feel of insecurity when I came onsite with the same contractor banner. But getting into some X consulting company based here and bearing a contractor banner was so difficult. Both weren’t the same at all for me. I know I may be marked to be obsessed with the brand names.
Luckily, this C company, or rather my team in the C company wasn’t the one which exhibit disparity between the contractors and employees. I never had the feeling that I was treated lowly, except for the facts that I wasn’t entitled to any benefits. The talks for converting me would start every now and then and would vanish without a trace. The reason given was budget, what else.
I couldn’t take this shit any more and I decided searching for opps elsewhere. I succeeded in getting offers from 2 companies and told this C company am resigning. A morning I told them am quitting, in the afternoon, they came back to me telling they’ll make me their employee, matching the other company’s offer and giving more benefits than the other. As I loved the C company and the work and its environment so much, I accepted their offer. The formalities happened in an unbelievable pace and they took just a day to complete them as against 15 days usually. The guy who verified my I9 asked me “there are so many follow-ups on your case. Are you the daughter of a big guy or something?”.
I just said “its all coz of one magic word – quit”.
My company issues different ID cards for contractors and employees. [Yeah, you can see “my company” in my sentence. When you are a contractor, you never get a sense of belonging to that company. When you are an employee, that feel automatically creeps in].
Contractors will be given a red card and employees green one. There are more contractors in my company, as it has accounts in almost every Indian company and there are so many people onsite bearing the red card. When I used to have the red card, people during conversation used to ask me through which company I have come onsite. Onsitees who were unknown to me, would give a look of you-are-just-like-me. I have yearned for the green badge. I know its kinda silly but that’s how I was.
Now when I walk with my green badge around, I see the awe, pining look on the contractors or atleast I feel that they have that look. :)
I have always stayed with onsitees and I have heard them speaking about some one like “shes marrying a full time employee of C”, giving the sentence a dignified tone. Now am happy that I am also in the list who are envied by a group of people.
I had a feel that I got to this position only after I said am going away. But my manager said “had you been given full time emp without you having said you are quitting, it would have been just a favor from the company to you and you wouldnt have been in a position to demand what you want. Now, you should be happy that every company is at the back of you and you know what your value is. And, you have done a favor to this company by not denying its offer”.
Those were “the words”.
People say that my company is so employee friendly to such an extent that it mollycoddles its employees. Lemme see.
Am happy about everything except for one thing. I am back to appraisals, which I was free from for a year. I have to start boasting pages after pages in about 3 months. :)
Wish me luck!
Friday, June 13, 2008
I am rickety for reason unknown from yesterday. I feel like rebelling against anything and everything. Even the simplest of things seems to annoy me. I feel like yelling and hitting someone. Why? I don’t know. I am trying to pull all the reasons that come in my mind and try to match it with my behavior but I don’t get the match quite correct. Is it because I am being given a hard time at work by a couple of people who are mulling over my defect for over a week, exchanging hundreds of emails? Is it because there are too many things in my check list to be taken care of and they are putting my peace of mind and confidence in jeopardy? Is it because am becoming very nostalgic of late? Is it because of the wound in my finger caused by a knife, which is so deeply cut to such an extent that it bled for 2 days every time I removed the band-aid to nurse it? They say when you have your physique aching, you turn hysteric. Or is it because work is a lil lazy for the past 2 weeks and am forced to seek things out of my way to engage myself? I really don’t know.
I am like this right from yesterday morning. I don’t even bother to smile at my roomie while getting ready in the morning. I go to office and I, known to be a non-stop nonsense, don’t speak quite well with the team.
When I had to go out of office yesterday afternoon, the weather joined its hands with whatever that’s bothering me. It was scorching hot and I felt as if the sun was piercing a straw into my head and was sucking the whole of me.
I got a sudden feel of longing for my grandma’s lap, and was wondering how it had the eternal cool warmth being a refuge to me helping me forget myself. I would forget all the worries and would catch immediate sleep unbothered on one touch of hers. I was brought back to the present by the honk of a car. I had to wait for my bus in the hell of the heat. I felt like changing into a bikini and plunging into a lake with none around and getting drugged by its comfort.
I got into the bus. I usually like traveling by any means for that matter, no matter how frequently and how long I travel. I enjoy every bit of traveling and I never get over-dosed by it. But this time, I was dragging myself to wherever I had to go. This bus travel was no fascinating and I traveled just coz I had to.
I closed my eyes and sat. I kept getting quirky thoughts, which made me myself feel if I have multiple personality disorder or something. I imagined myself masoning a house.
I saw Harry Potter laughing at me. Who am I? wow, I have now taken up the role of Hermione Granger. Then I saw myself in a classroom, attempting to do an orthographic projection in engineering drawing. Then I thought myself ushered to arm-wrestle with some unknown. Then I imagined myself as a member of Ku Klux Klan, which is the scariest of all my craps. That very thought jolted me back to mySelf. I know it will give an impression that am cooking a psycho out of myself. So I pulled my ipod out to put a bump ahead of my racing imagination horse.
I sunk in a beautiful song. The next song screeched aloud and tore my tympanum out fueling my already irritated mind, that I felt like dashing it against a wall. I felt the ipod is doing no good and so grabbed to my rescue, my habit of observing people. I chose this girl who, by her talks, seemed just graduated. She was preparing herself for the graduation day and was discussing with her friends about dressing. She was telling how shes gonna dress up and that she wants to be the best dressed girl in the party. I, when I had been normal, would have just uttered a smile within myself but this time, I just felt like yelling “you cocky biyatch” at her, to my shame.
I reached home to see my roomie there and bid a reluctant hi to her. I usually ask her about her problems with a concerned note but this time I completely disregarded her. she was saying that she needs to gift one of her friends and was asking me some suggestions and didn’t pay a damn. Sorry my girl – I turn unchivalrous at times. I sincerely apologize!
I sat to watch “So You think You can Dance” with no particular interest unlike usual. Where’s the girl who keeps amused and wowing for every performance? I don’t know.
I had a feel that I should speak with someone close to me. I had my close friends well within reach and I called one of them. I just did usual enquiries and hung up. Above everyone, I had Hari who is more than someone who could listen to me and who can comfort me beyond the ways I want. I called him up and was only able to say “I called you just like that”.
Am I a psychopath? Or am I detached? I don’t wanna consider am either coz I somehow feel everyone goes through such a state seldom without giving it much attention. It just seems a big deal to people, of course like me, who over-kill their brains magnifying even simple matters. Despite my idiotism, I feel am handling myself pretty good by remaining aloof from everything and everyone, giving myself the space to breathe and return to normalcy.
I thought blog is a place where I can vent everything out and it certainly helped. I would have made a fool out of myself though. But I don’t care!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
பாலைவனமாய் இருந்தது பேŕ®°ுந்து நிŕ®±ுத்தம்..
இருபது நிŕ®®ிடங்களாக காத்திŕ®°ுக்கிŕ®±ேன்
இன்னுŕ®®் பத்து நிŕ®®ிடங்கள் கரைக்க வேண்டியிŕ®°ுந்தது
பே ஏரியாவில் இந்தியர்கள் அதிகம் என்ŕ®±ாŕ®°்களே
எங்கு பாŕ®°்த்தாலுŕ®®் வெள்ளையர்கள்
அதிலுŕ®®் பெண்கள் ŕ®®ிகக் குŕ®±ைவு
கண்கள் ŕ®®ூடி அமர்ந்திŕ®°ுந்த நான்
லேசாக இடப்பக்கம் திŕ®°ுŕ®®்பிப் பாŕ®°்த்தேன்
தூரத்தில் ŕ®’ŕ®°ு பெண் நடந்து வந்து கொண்டிŕ®°ுந்தாள்
நிச்சயம் இந்தியப்பெண்
வேŕ®±ு யாŕ®°ுக்கு வருŕ®®் இந்த நளினம்
வெŕ®±்ŕ®±ாக இருந்த மனம் துŕ®°ிதமானது
onsite வந்திŕ®°ுக்குŕ®®் software engineer ஆக இருப்பாளோ
இடப்பக்கம் நின்ŕ®±ாள்
எனக்குŕ®®் அவளுக்குŕ®®் பத்து அடி தூŕ®°ŕ®®்
ŕ®®ுகம் தெŕ®°ியவில்லை
ŕ®®ிகச்சிŕ®±ிய உடலமைப்பு
எளிŕ®®ையான தோŕ®±்றம்
சிŕ®±ிது ŕ®®ுன்னால் நகர்ந்தேன்
ŕ®®ுகம் தெŕ®°ியுŕ®®் என நினைத்து
வந்தாள் ŕ®’ŕ®°ு வெள்ளைப்பெண் அவளை நோக்கி
இவள் அவள் பக்கம் திŕ®°ுŕ®®்பி பேச ஆரம்பித்தாள்
சே! உள்ளதுŕ®®் போயிŕ®±்ŕ®±ு என நினைக்குŕ®®்போது
இவள் அவளிடம் சைகையில் ஏதோ சொல்ல
அவள் நகர்ந்தாள்
இவள் அவளுக்கு வழி சொன்னாள் போல..
எனக்கு மறுபடியுŕ®®் அவளது பாதி உருவம்
பேŕ®°ுந்து வருŕ®®் பாதையே பாŕ®°்த்தாள்
ஏனடி என் பக்கம் திŕ®°ுŕ®®்ப ŕ®®ாட்டேன் என அடம்!
காŕ®±்ŕ®±ு வேகமாக அடித்தது
என்னைக் கடந்து அவளை நோக்கி
அவள் கேசம் கலைத்து
அவள் ŕ®®ுகத்தில் கேசம் விŕ®´ுந்திŕ®°ுக்க வேண்டுŕ®®்
என்னை நோக்கித் திŕ®°ுŕ®®்பினாள்
காŕ®±்ŕ®±ை எதிŕ®°்கொண்டு கேசம்-ŕ®®ுகம் ஊடல் ŕ®®ுŕ®±ிக்க
எனை விட்டுச்சென்ŕ®± காŕ®±்ŕ®±ை நொந்துகொண்ட நான்
உடனே வாபஸ் வாŕ®™்கி, நன்ŕ®±ி கூŕ®±ினேன்
காŕ®±்ŕ®±ு எதிŕ®°் திசையில் சென்ŕ®±ு
அவள் கண்களை என் திசையில் திŕ®°ுப்பியதற்காக!
அவள் ŕ®®ுகம் நன்ŕ®±ாக தெŕ®°ிந்தது - ŕ®®ுŕ®´ுக்க சாத்விகம்
கண்ணாடி இல்லாமல் இன்னுŕ®®் லக்ஷனமாக இருப்பாள்.
கேசத்தை கோதிவிட்டு ŕ®®ுதன் ŕ®®ுŕ®±ையாய் என்னை பாŕ®°்த்தாள்!
அட! சட்டென திŕ®°ுŕ®®்பிவிட்டாளே!
என் கண்கள் அவள் கண்களை சந்தித்துக்கொண்டிŕ®°ுப்பது தெŕ®°ிந்துŕ®®்
அவள் கண்டுகொள்ளவில்லையே!
ŕ®’ŕ®°ு வெள்ளையனை பாŕ®°்த்திŕ®°ுந்தால் புன்னகைத்திŕ®°ுப்பாள்
தெŕ®°ியாதவர்களுக்குŕ®®் "hello how are you" கேட்குŕ®®் கலாசாŕ®°ŕ®®ாயிŕ®±்ŕ®±ே!
நான் இந்தியன் என்பதால் இந்திய கலாசாŕ®°ŕ®®் அவளுள் புகுந்து விட்டதா?
ŕ®’ŕ®°ு சிŕ®°ிப்பு சிŕ®°ித்தால் என்னவாŕ®®்.
அவள் ŕ®’ŕ®°ு பேŕ®°ுந்தில் ஏற தயாŕ®°ானாள்
தைŕ®°ியத்தை துணைக்குக் கூப்பிட்டு
அவளிடம் சென்ŕ®±ு "hello how are you" என்ŕ®±ேன்
அவள் "fine, thank you" என்ŕ®±ாள்
"are you waiting for bus?" என்ŕ®±ேன்
"என்ன அபத்தமான கேள்வி" என்ŕ®±ு நினைத்துக் கொண்டிŕ®°ுக்குŕ®®்போதே
சொன்னாள் "No, I drove this bus and it broke down, waiting for mechanic" என்ŕ®±ாள்
அட! இவள் நக்கல் கூட அடிப்பாளா?
சிŕ®°ித்தாள்
கையிலிŕ®°ுந்த தாள் பாŕ®°்த்து "நீŕ®™்க தமிŕ®´ா" என்ŕ®±ாள்
நான் ஆச்சரியத்தில் "ஓ! நீŕ®™்களுŕ®®் தமிŕ®´ா" என்ŕ®±ு வழிந்தேன்
"பஸ் வந்தாச்சு. பை" சொல்லிப் பறந்தாள்
நான் இதை எழுதிக்கொண்டு அவள் ஏறிய பஸ்ஸில் தான்
நானுŕ®®் ஏற வேண்டுŕ®®் என்பதை மறந்தேன்
மறுபடியுŕ®®் பாலைவனத்தில் 30 நிŕ®®ிடங்கள்....
Friday, May 30, 2008
I was pushed to the state of insecurity last month. I did whatever I could to break that insecurity and I smelt success too. Now am pushed to the state of keeping my fingers crossed for something good to happen, something which I really want. And am hoping that I will be pushed to the state of ambivalence next week, of course for good, unable to decide what to go for. I already have two possessions which are pretty good themselves, yet unable to convince myself to go for either of them. Mind still yearns for something better. Call it greed or discontent or whatever. Though mind craves for the third one, I am not willing to desert the two existing ones. I don’t want to desert one coz I love it so much and feel it’s the best fit in all aspects. I don’t want to desert the other despite it having some minuses coz it came back to me though I had already deserted it once and so am now under the clench of courteousness. I certainly cannot have both. I just brush both these aside, though both of them like me so much and they want me desperately and I keep looking for the third one, which is really turning me on and off, making me wait for long. It once gives an impression that its going to be mine and wipes that thought off the next jiffy making me think I have lost it. I have done everything in my ability to own it and now its upto it to choose whom it should go to. I cannot hold the other two on for long and I have to choose one fast. Am afraid the two would leave me if I keep mum not telling them anything. I cannot tell one of them yes right now – what if the third comes back to me tomorrow? I cannot tell no too – what if the third deserts me – scared to think being void without any of them. There’s a parallel nag. Its just my thought that the third one is the best. But what if I get the third one finally and it turns out to be just as equal as the other two? All my wait for it would go in vain then, I’ll not be loosing anything though. I shall still say a yes to the one which am comfortable with and be happy. Overall, it’s a win-win for me I feel. But the knack lies in me arriving at a decision at the right time.
Wish me prudence !!!!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Caution: This post will be a lackluster for non-techies or may be even for techies. The author suggests the reader not to go ahead if he/she is allergic to technical stuff :) [especially Project Managers LOL, pun intended to you-know-who] The other techies – be content if you know how to do these stuff; no worries if these are Espanol to you as there are many sailing in the same boat like me.
Last week was terrible at work. I was pissed off to such an extent that I started throwing everything like a lunatic and my teammate had to ask me leave the place, freshen my mind and come back. Whatever we engaged in, went on toss and not a single thing worked. We had been brooding over them for nearly 3 days but in vain. They were completely new stuff for us and none knew how to proceed. I’ll not be surprised if Google comes back to us with an accolade saying we used their search engine efficiently or sues us for having hogged their servers requesting too many pages.
We had to install Support Pack 7 for Netware 6.5 server. The pain started off with the SP7 not going in one CD and we had to burn a DVD, only to realize that the server didn’t have a DVD drive. So we had to hook up a USB DVD drive, which led us into a different problem. After loading the cddvd NSS file, the DVD was detected and mounted as a NSS volume. But we were not knowing the way to access NSS volume so that we can read the contents of the DVD. Googling went on and on with various search patterns starting from “how to access USB DVD in NW6.5” to “how to access NSS volumes”. The administrative guide said we have to load the cddvd NSS file, by which the CD gets mounted as NSS volume and from there on, you can use it as any other NSS volume. We were like “come on man. We know it. Tell me how to access NSS volume”. I wish the admin guide had ears.
We sensed there’s no point in dragging it and so put the SP7 in 2 CDs and copied the files to the server through the CD drive itself. Finally started installing the SP7. When it asked me if the backup of files is to be done, I gave a yes to be safe. It took nearly 30 mins and came back and said its left with only 3MB and cannot do a backup. [why the hell did it take 30 mins to report it man?] The installation terminated. [why wasn’t it user friendly to ask me if it can proceed with the installation without backup?] Had to start all over again. This time I asked it not to do a backup. Before the install could start, the user was prompted for the username and password, and there came another hitch. In Netware, during SP install, you need to provide the user name in the format “CN=username.O=context”, wherein username and context would have been given during fresh install of Netware. We didn’t know the context part as nobody made a note of it anywhere. Trying different contexts didn’t work. And again we had to exit the installation to go back to the console and grab the context.
Started the install all over again expecting some problem to popup. But this time the installation ended. But when it came up after a reboot, it reached the console screen, unlike usual, wherein it reaches the Netware GUI. The execution of startx loaded the required NLMs but the GUI didn’t start. sheesh!!!!!
As we had a customer request that is to be completed in a week, we decided to manage with the console itself. We had to install the new drivers for our HBAs in the Netware server. We followed the procedure to do it and we had no clue if it went successful or not as the OS didn’t report any thing. So we went and checked the version which was showing 6.9.15. We were supposed to install 6.9o. Now I repented for having made the blunder of not noting the version before starting the upgrade. We thought the upgrade didn’t go well as it was showing 6.9.15 and tried it multiple times. Then we came to know 6.9o is called as 6.9.15 too. Damn!!!! How am I supposed to know when there’s nothing in the server denoting it atleast in brackets?
Another parallel problem which was going on was installation of VMWare ESX 3.5. Our client demanded that it’s to be installed on a 64-bit machine. We had only a few 64’s and choosing a server to do this itself took us about an hour. Once we chose the machine, we put the ESX 3.5 CD in it and rebooted the machine. Started the installation. Suddenly we lost the connection to the server from our KVM and it was displaying “Out of range”. Now what? Then we came to know that the install screen is of mismatching resolution with that of the KVM. So we hooked up a monitor and keyboard to the server and completed the installation. Once the server came up, it wasn’t able to detect the storage. What are we to do with a void system without storage? How am I to create virtual machines without storage? After half-a-day of delving, we found that the SATA in the server is not compatible to hold ESX 3.5. Phew!!!!
Then chose a HP Blade Server 64-bit to install ESX. None had worked on Blade servers in my team and we found it difficult to even boot from the CD. Win2K3 was booting up properly but the ESX didn’t, reporting virtual media not found. :(
We left that as such and migrated to another task of upgrading our multipathing s/w in all the servers. This had a few little hurdles when it came to HPUX like sharing the CDROM, mounting it in HPUX (which initially didn’t auto-detect the drive and I had to do an ioscan followed by insf to install device files) and then access it. The upgrade started and ended pronto, reporting “no space in /opt”. Okayyyyy….Now we had to extend the logical volume of /opt, for which we had to reboot the system to get into single user mode and then extend it. Once it was extended, we again started the upgrade which went on fine this time. The server was rebooted and when it came up, we started mounting the logical volumes from our storages. It failed displaying “no device or address” error. There came the most painful process. We had to delete the /etc/lvmtab and recreate it with new volume groups and lvols. And finally the server was set.
Parallelly, we had to install linux 5. my teammate had requested the lab administrator for the linux 5 CD and the admin had said he had kept it on our lab desks. When we looked for it, we found only one linux 5 CD with a like-license-key written on it. I went and told my teammate satirically that I never knew linux came in a single CD :) When we were speculating what does a license key written over the CD have to do with linux and whether it requires us to register in the redhat site and get the remaining CDs on providing that key, my teammate decided to phone up the admin ask him what it is all about. The reply he got was “you had asked only for CD1 in your email. So I gave you only the CD1”. My team mate, who was confused, told him that he wanted all the CDs and hung up. He went and checked his email to the admin and it read “Can you pls give us the linux 5 update 1 CD?”. Heck!!!! He mistook the “1” for “update” to be for CD. How dumb. Will the “update” stand alone and will it not strike a newbie even that the update would have a number? Uffff…..i asked my teammate who the admin is and he showed me his name in the email. He was a sardarji. LOL. Are all the sardarji jokes true then? Mmmm…..
Wasn’t it a hard time at work? Yeah, I can hear a loud yes.
Attempting to break the jinx. I hope there’s no spell cast on me this week.
Monday, April 7, 2008
This is an instance which left me completely blank, not knowing how to react.
Featuring: Me and my American colleague
Anu: Wassup dawg?
Victor: Hey. Got 2 minutes? Wanna speak with you. Patio?
Anu: Sure. Any problem?
Victor: None and its personal.
Anu: Oh
Victor: I have a good news. Am in love.
Anu: Wow. Congrats!!!!!
Victor: Will you marry me?
Anu: Wh Wh What the …..
Victor: Hey cool. No anger and no yelling alright? I just felt, I said. Just say yes or no.
Anu: Didn’t it strike you am engaged?
Victor: Well, you are just committed, not married, are you? I wouldn’t have cared if you were married too.
Anu: Was that supposed to be taken as a good news by me?
Victor: Answer is what I need.
Anu: You know it. You needn’t wait to hear it from me too.
Victor: Alright. Am getting engaged. Wish me luck.
Anu: (Frown)
Victor: I liked two girls and you are one among them. I already proposed to another girl and she accepted. I still wanted to propose to you and marry you if you accepted. Now that you denied, am getting engaged with the other girl. Isn’t that a good news now? Ok. Thanks for your 2 mins. Catch you later.
Anu: (speechless. How am I supposed to react? ) Congrats. All the best. Bye.
This was the shortest proposal I have ever heard/seen. It ended in a jiffy. It was hard for me to detect if he was serious or playing some prank on me.
This wasn’t the first time someone is proposing to me but this was a lil eerie and it left me blank. I had always been a girl who had delved deeper trying to analyze what invited a proposal, but this time, I didn’t feel I have to.
This American proposal was precise, direct, no drama, the guy wasn’t sweating and swallowing the driblets in his throat and there was no trace of hard feeling on his face when I denied and I liked it. But when I sat back and thought about it, there arose a questionnaire for which I could hardly answer.
Why did he propose to me, myself being poles apart from him, with respect to habits, ethnicity, et al? Why would a guy propose to a girl, when another girl had just accepted him and they had planned to get engaged? How dare he proposed to me knowing am engaged? How did he take my denial so easily? Does it mean he is not a guy who is serious about relationships and he just needed a companion to hang out with? I dunno.
This proposal made me go hind a coupla years and more – my college, my school, when I received proposals. Obviously a beautiful girl like me [lifting my collar, shrugging my shoulders, raising my eyebrows) would receive in umpteens, wouldn’t she? [Fine. I know that’s too much. To quench your “errrrrrrr” reaction, here I go:] Any girl, irrespective of whether she’s a great beauty or average-looking, would have received atleast a proposal during her journey from 15 to getting committed and I was no exception.
I had always wanted an arranged marriage and denied every proposal that came in. I have seen guys feeling very bad once you deny their proposal. They will always wear a pitiful look. They hesitate to see you on your eyes. I have realized, lost-love-guy-reactions they show in the movies are no exaggerations. The reactions would be at heights when it comes to “your best friend -> loves you -> proposes -> you deny -> you keep away from him”.
At such instances, at the corner of your heart, you would feel nice since attention was being given to you. The feeling that a guy is yearning for you would make you feel feminine [well, we cannot be blamed. If guys brood over the failure, creating so much drama, girls will take advantage of it]. But that’s just in a corner of your heart. Genuinely you would feel sorry for him with all your heart but there would be nothing you could do about it. It’s just a phase and you have to pass it, thinking things would be fine as time rolls on and would teach the people, maturity. I was sure that there would come a day wherein, those guys when thinking about this, would hit their forehead laughing, realizing how stupid they have been.
There was one such best friend of mine in my college. He was my best friend in college and turned a guy who loves me after we were out of college. I had always chosen to keep away from the guys who had proposed to me and I did the same with him. We lost touch and last month when I was informing my friends of my engagement, I got reminded of him. I ransacked my diaries and got his number, gave him a call and told him I got engaged and will be sending him invitation for marriage and hung up. Two days back I received an email from him and I almost fainted. It was a 200-liner email. I thought it would take an hour for me to finish reading it. He had mentioned the days we were friends in the college and had said that they still remain green. He had written that he listened to “O maname” song from “Ullam Ketkume” wherein, the hero would happen to attend his girl’s marriage [Shaam would attend Asin’s marriage, and Asin would be a Brahmin J]. He had said that he can relate to that song very well. Laughter was at the tip of my lips on reading this, but I didn’t wanna laugh. It was kinda immature to me but I didn’t wanna despise that email. I just wanted to leave it at that. Am a person who normally replies to a one-liner email with a 4-liner, but I chose not to reply this email. I just moved it to trash. I never have felt guilty as I had never intended, or rather imagined to pull a guy towards me. I had always felt my slate is clean. Anyways.
Oh yeah. That American guy left me to retrospect, which led to comparisons between these western guys and our native guys. This proposal never made me feel special unlike the others in the past [hehehehe]. I wanna censure this white guy to be disregarding relationships rather than complimenting him to be emotionally stable. I had heard/read/seen the western morality but I tasted it myself this time.
A 2-min American proposal and a 2-hour thinking left me just one notion that our guys are the best.
I salute you guys!!!!!
PS: No disrespect intended to any one.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
I saw this movie Pride and Prejudice last week. It was released in 2005 and I know am the last person to see it, yet, I wanted to do a line or two about this movie now, as I liked it very much.
The following picture decorates my laptop as the wallpaper now, to the envy of you-know-who :)
Here are the snippets of dialogues in the movie which still buzz in my ears:
Caroline Bingley: Oh for heaven's sake, are we to receive every Bennet in the country?
Elizabeth Bennet: No... No, I prefer to be unsociable and taciturn... Makes it all so much more enjoyable, don't you think?
Elizabeth Bennet: Your unfortunate brother once had to put up with my playing for a whole evening.
Georgiana Darcy: But he says you play so well.
Elizabeth Bennet: Then he has perjured himself most profoundly.
Mr. Darcy: No I said, "played quite well."
Elizabeth Bennet: Oh, "quite well" is not "very well." I'm satisfied.
Elizabeth Bennet: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
Elizabeth Bennet: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
Elizabeth Bennet: Well let me think...”Lizzie" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and...”Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
Elizabeth Bennet: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
Mr. Darcy: [he snickers] Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy?
Elizabeth Bennet: Thank you.
Mr.Bennet: If any young men come for Mary or Kitty, for heaven's sake, send them in. I'm quite at my leisure.
Friday, March 7, 2008
I called up my mom yesterday and she had a lot in store for me, the “lot” was spun around the same point though. After the usual enquiries about health and work, here goes the conversation between us:
Monday, February 18, 2008
I was waiting for the bus to get to my home from a shopping mall. There came the bus and after boarding it, I noticed the bus filled with adolescents probably of age 13. May be the bus came from a place populated with schools and it was off-school time in the evening. I didn’t have a seat to sit and my back pack was straining my shoulders. The bus was filled with pandemonium and I heard here and there “I am czhazy over that cazh (the slang of replacing “r” with “zh” sound :) ), you know its jus awesome”, “can you take your fxxking hands off my shoulders”, “Oh my Gaud, that class reelly reelly sucked” (you would have known its “oh my god, that class really really sucked”), etc. I have the habit of observing the people around me and those kids were really a feast. There was a gang sitting in front of me and I started watching what they do.
Everyone was in hunky-funky dresses, a girl wearing her spaghetti over her long sleeved tshirt and a guy wearing his jean not on his waist but almost on his knees. He had tried hard to make it stick to his thighs with a belt. I pity that belt. In that age, I knew no dress other than my uniform and got reminded of those days wherein I was not allowed to attend the prayer just because my socks wasn’t tidy.
A kid picked up a make-up kit from her bag and started patching up her eye shadows and lipstick. I was getting reminded of the days when I was in the 8th grade and I wasn’t even knowing there was something called a fairness cream existing. Whatever mom did to me was the so-called make-up for me. Never really bothered if my tie knot was proper or my shoe was properly buckled or the powder was overdone on face or the flower on my head was looking odd like a headlight.
A kid was making hip-hop moves as she was listening to some song over her mobile. I wasn’t even having a landline phone at home when I was a kid. Why that? I remember the cable tv connection being given when I entered college. Another kid was doing something with his PDA. I remember writing the class periods in a timetable sheet and sticking it at my home.
I saw a girl asking a guy “can you take your hands off my shoulders?” The guy asked “Why?”. The girl replied “coz you are a gay and I hate you”. My jaw dropped on hearing this. They speak about homosexuals. Did I even know at that age that the opposite sexes attract each other?
The bus halted at a stop and a lady got in. She came and stood beside me. She was wearing a thick spectacle and a teeth clip. The girls in front of us started passing comments and were chortling within themselves. Though the comments were private, it was very evident from their gestures that they were about this lady. I never dared to comment on anyone and had always thought twice before lampooning the best of the best friends even.
One was sloppily throwing the books here and there. I was thinking “may be he is too ingenious that he completed studying it and its no more required”. How much importance have we given to our books? If anyone makes a dog-ear in my book, he/she is gone.
I sensed something repeatedly hitting my legs from behind (I was standing with the support of a pole) and turned back to see what it was. There was a guy sitting in the seat behind me and was swinging his legs back and forth, hitting me every time. I expected him to say sorry when I looked at him but I got just a nonchalant expression in return. Giving him a cold stare, I moved aside. I would have sought pardon thousand times had I been in that position as a kid.
I don’t mean to say the people in our generation were all subservient and they were stainless. We had also been relentless when we were kids but I feel we always had a sense of reverence and fear in whatever we did.
I might get a comment “you are a fruit, may be you should learn taking these light”. or I might get a comment “you are no miss.perfect, to speak about these”. I don’t mind as I wasn’t that bad a fruit or that bad a rogue.
I admit that the kids of today are far matured and they know a lot at early ages, they are given a lot of exposure, which is apparent. But the kids of today being lackadaisical about their demeanor cannot be left tacit.
Whatever it is, I got reminded of my childhood and adolescence on seeing them and I wish there was a way to go back to those times. There had been days where I was happy on hearing the age of heroines, being proud that I was younger than them. Now, the thought that all the new faces are at least a year younger than me really sucks. Sounds silly eh. Am a girl after all.
My rants were distracted by the talk of the bus driver. He and a passenger were talking to each other. When I started listening to them, I was smiling to myself as they were speaking about the kids too. The driver was expressing his concern that the kids of today hold no respect for elders, for studies, etc.
Now comes the interesting part (of course for me).
My involvement was hindered by a joggle of the bus and it was my stop. When I said a thank you to the driver while getting off, he said “you are welcome. Study well kid. You gotta get a nice job alright. Pay respect to everyone”. I was really happy on hearing this and told him “thanks a lot, but I would like to tell you that I am not studying but working in a reputed concern”. He said “you gotta be kidding”. I said “I wish I really was kidding” and started walking towards my home with a cheerful thought that I look young.
On my way home, I got reminded of one more instance which happened 6 months back.
I was in Aliso Viejo and I was walking towards my office. On my way was a school zone and there was a volunteer directing the traffic of kids and the cars in a T-intersection as it was peak hour. I was walking at a greater pace as I was late and wanted to cross the intersection. I guess I gave the impression to the volunteer that I wouldn’t wait for her direction. On seeing me approaching the intersection, she said “wait wait, cars first, kids next”. Hurrah!!!!!! You should have seen my face then. I was trying to keep it as innocuous as a kid to stand up to her words. ROFL.
I wish my mom doesn’t read this. If she does, then the 2 apples, badams, cashews, date fruits (what not) which she says she would give me daily when I go there, would become 10 each. :(
Woops!!!!
Friday, February 15, 2008
One of the most important days in my life just passed by. It was my engagement. The engagement was to take place at Chennai. My marriage is the most awaited as am the only girl child for entire family and as it’s the first marriage in the immediate generation after my dad’s that’s gonna happen. My dad wanted to ask me before doing anything (I am the only child for my parents) but I wasn’t within his reach. The mode of information transfer between us had been gtalk, that too during weekends [kudos daddy…there are only a hand full of fathers who have explored chatting, browsing and orkutting and am proud you are one such]. I gotta tell you all an instance [I don’t mind deviating for telling something about my role model] that happened a few months back. Dad wanted to send some photos to me and he was asking me the best way to do it. I just told him he can upload them in picasa and went to see the dish that was cooking. When I went back to chat after 5 mins, and told my dad that I’ll direct him how to upload the photos, he coolly said “check your mail. I have sent the album link”. I got apoplexic when he said “I have put the album under unlisted and have shared the link. You can download the album. I don’t wanna go public”. I wasn’t able to say anything other than “Dad!! You drive me crazy”.
Ok back now.
Me and my fiancĂ© are in USA and we were not in a position to go for our engagement. When I told this to my friends, some said “What? That is weird!”, some other said “You gotta be kidding”, “Is it a love marriage?” and the guy who tried to woo me asked “Are you trying to play some prank or something?”. I was tired telling “people!!! Its an arranged marriage, we are not able to make it to the engagement and that’s all about it”. They really instilled a feel in me “is the engagement without both the bride and the groom that weird?”.
Sunday 3PM was the engagement in India, which was Saturday 1.30AM midnight for me. On Sunday morning, parents and all my other relatives were getting ready to go to the venue. I gave them a call to know what was happening. Mom said she wanted to see me before the engagement and asked me to show myself up in the webcam. So did I [did I tell you this was the first time they are seeing me live in a cam?]. They also had a cam. The moment my dad saw me in the cam, he said “you are not Anu. Go call my daughter”. He claimed I have changed a lot and it was hard for him to relate the webcam face to that of his daughter’s when she left India. Somewhere in the corner of my heart a murky pain struck me – Has my dad forgotten my face? Well, he cannot be blamed, I had/do shown/show a huge metamorphosis in my appearance. It’s close to a year since he saw me and it’s enough time for metamorphosis.
My mom on seeing me shed tears and was showering an array of flying kisses - typical of a mother. Everybody was showing all the things they are gonna display and they were telling it’s gonna be really a grandeur. Oh, how much I missed the occasion!!!! I very much wanted to see what my dad had done for my engagement.
I was very restless here, it was midnight for me. I very much wanted to be there in the venue, to see the rituals. The bride and the groom’s parents would be the center of attraction for this ceremony and I wanted to see how my parents presented themselves.
I gave my aunt a call at 2AM my time, thinking that atleast the hymns would fall in my ears. My aunt picked my call up and said “Hi Anu. Your engagement is going on very well. We are right now very busy. Can you call us after half-an-hour?” I was yelling “Come on guys!!!! It’s my engagement, it’s the bride who is calling up. You are asking me to call later? That’s overmuch”. No response from the other end. My aunt had hung up long before. I was blaming my fate.
It was 2.30AM for me and was lying sleepless on my bed, pretty sure of my fiancé being half-way through a snoring sleep in his home by then. Then I called up my uncle and thankfully, he said I shall be on line listening to the hymns they chant and he was also giving a running commentary about what was happening.
After the engagement, everybody out there was jostling to speak with me and I had to give a word or two to everyone. Uff..finally I gained attention. Everybody said the function went on great. Dad and mom gave the usual cries expressing their agony that everybody was there except the two of us. Mom was describing about the saree my to-be-in-laws have bought for me – typical of a woman. Dad said they have written over the sugar crystals, my fiance's name with gems chocolate and my name with jeera mithai as analogous to our body weights :) He was also telling they have proved that they are from Erode by displaying the mysore paks in a huge silver thookku, like how an authentic Erode community would do. I dunno what all humors my dad let out. I missed them.
I felt very nostalgic when I heard the chitchats of people. I was just able to hear the festive mood but I wasn’t able to feel it. My dad fuelled my pain by telling “you will be Miss. Muralitharan no more, my child”. It was too much for me to swallow and my eyes swelled up. Threatening my lachrymal glands that they should spare enough tears for the marriage, I hung up.
There was a party here in USA thrown by his relatives to celebrate our engagement and it was a bit consoling. But needless to say that it’s no compensation to being with all the people from both the sides swarming around you. My engagement was just virtual to me. I hope I would have fun on my marriage.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Many of my friends on seeing the title of the post would think "What does the word cook has to do in Anu's blog?" I remember my ex-teammate saying once "I doubt if she knows to boil water". I have never even peeped into the kitchen before I came to the US and I wore an astounded look when my roomie here told me that toor dhal and channa dhal are different. My knowledge in cooking was literally that void. Luckily, all my roomies during my first 6 months here were great cooks and the responsibility of cooking wasn't shouldered by me. I wasn't hitherto paying a damn about cooking. Cooking posed itself as a real scalawag when I happened to move into an apartment 2 months back with another girl who too was sailing on the same boat as mine, being a novice in cooking. Google was the Deity for us, providing the recipes of dishes. We can cook without oil, not without google. :)
We try out different dishes. The feel that we are starters in cooking doesn't intimidate us and confine us to make simpler dishes. There had not been a single day wherein the dishes were made without the patching up here and there. But I tell you everything turns out really well eventually and there had not been even a ruined one. I often get reminded of the days wherein I found umpteen faults in whatever my mom made. She used to curse me telling I'll know when I start cooking. Now on hearing my adventurous, yet successful cooking, she feels very happy and says it's a comeuppance.
You would be highly entertained when you see us cooking I promise. The things that petrify us the most are the curry leaves and ginger paste when added to heated oil. I would stand a yard away from the pan, throw the curry leaves and ginger paste into it and run to the other end of the kitchen to see them spurt oil all over. And we are too artistic in making rotis. We bring the shapes of all the continents in the world so perfectly in our rotis you know!!! Once we get the feel that the dish is cooked, we take a pinch of it to assess the salt and spice level and try fixing the faults [you should see us exchanging ominous looks before tasting]. We keep repeating this till we arrive at the taste we want. It's embarrassing to tell you that if you sum up the pinches we consume to assess the taste, it would be more than a person's actual intake of it. Oops!!!
For this new year, we made aaloo bonda and gulab jamun [by telling aaloo, I get reminded of you Sachi. The days when you used to share my aaloo fry are still green. You better miss them :)]. Aaloo bonda was awesome and so were the jamuns, softie-soft. But the sweet syrup got hardened time and then, how much ever we microwaved it. We will blame it on the weather. Here's the photo of jamuns to your envy [The aaloo bondas were so nice to be spared for a click]. Aint they mouth watering?
The first dish which we made was vaangi bath (rice bath with brinjals) and we have tried almost all the dishes ranging from simple rasam to malai kofta and cutlet. We are having great fun. To those who made fun about me – your desires to comment on me are ramshackled. I should admit I haven't gained confidence to cook solitarily. Want the dish to be great? – I want Nitisha beside me. I actually would be seething if someone pries in when I cook, directing me to do things. As this sweet lady is also a starter in cooking, she never does that. Nitisha: you are a great companion. Thanks a lot!
Am sure I’ll become a good cook. Beware Nala - Nalabaagam might get replaced with Anubaagam!!!!
Okay guys, I know that was too much!!!
