Aham Vyaktam

I called up my mom yesterday and she had a lot in store for me, the “lot” was spun around the same point though. After the usual enquiries about health and work, here goes the conversation between us:

Me: Anything noteworthy mom?

Mom: Nothing much. I wanted to tell you something since long about your to-be-mom-in-law.

Me: [aiyayo, is Saturn waiting] Any problem mom?

Mom: Not at all.

Me: [a sigh of relief though had a feel “is that a tranquil answer before storming”]

Mom: I kinda get a complex on seeing her you know. She is fair and beautiful. I feel a bit delicate to stand beside her while posing for photo [followed by a roaring laugh]

Me: Yeah she is. But you are young.

Mom: Huh…young??? Though she’s older than me in age, she looks far younger than me.

Me: Appearance isn’t all that matters mom. You are beautiful at heart.

Mom: She may be beautiful at heart too. You know she seems very active and looks like she bears many responsibilities and manages everything.

[Okay. Good that she’s pulling herself away from appearances. Appearance has never been my comfort zone.]

Me: Its okay mom, you are being submissive to dad and you let the head of the family do everything. You are a great wife right?

Mom: uhum. I was never given an opportunity to head anything other than manning the house-hold.

Me: You are a brave lady mom and you have the caliber to do anything.

[got a “pchhh” as a response from the other side. As the daughter-ism with the goal of boosting mom’s morale increased in me:]

Me: You are very good in planning mom. In your generation itself you had planned your family well and have given birth to only one kid.

Mom: That’s why am left with no support in my old age. You’ll get married and go away. Your to-be-mom-in-law has a daughter within reach and a son who will be with her till the end as a strong support.

Me: Mom. Brush that aside. See how you have shaped me up as a brave girl. You have taught me the ability to manage things solely.

Mom: Bravery and you? Your to-be-sis-in-law rides 2-wheeler. Do you know cycling atleast?

[Oops!!! Have I dug a pit under my foot myself? Me trying to pull some more subjects for my defence: ]

Me: Am petite and look young. And am healthy too mom. Being a lady you should be happy for having given birth to such a daughter J

Mom: Only you have to praise yourself and your physique. Your to-be-sis-in-law has a kinda richness in her face. She looks hale. Look at you. You seem gravely struck by poverty. People ask me if I have fed you.

[you decided not to spare me, dontcha? Me still having not reached the threshold of giving up:]

Me: It’s you who instilled in me the importance of education, as a result of which, I am a career aspirant now. I get more laurels at work. Aint you proud of me?

Mom: Don’t tell me that being a girl. Have you ever entered the kitchen when you were here? Today you tell me you prepare so many and are becoming a great cook. You have been atrocious here that am not ready to believe in what you say now. I know you are a girl who sheds tears when it comes to household. I have molded u bad. I bet your mom-in-law would have taught her daughter everything.

[Damage again. Mom was going on and on. My conscience popped up and asked me “is that enough Anu? Dare you speak anything more,…..I realize am losing]

Me: You have brought me up with the traits of a guy and a girl mom. Not everyone will be such a blend.

Mom: That is all am saying. You are more boyish is what my stand is. You proudly say to me that you got a ghagra for your engagement. Your sis-in-law had come in a saree for the occasion. You happily pose for your engagement with a brush-like-cannot-be-tied-hair. She had plaited her hair tidily and had come. When I ask you not to cut your hair before marriage, you ask me “cant I get married like this without tying it up” How dare you!!! Your mom-in-law had taught her daughter decorum. I failed.

[I am tired now. While I was trying to heave up the dignity of my mom, mine was somersaulting towards downhill.]

Me: Okay mom. I give up. Am not all that great, and we are not that great when compared to my in-laws. Happy?

Mom: [uttering a laughter] Just wanted to see till what extent you defend yourself and your parents. This is just the most dwarfish of conversations. There will be in store in the long run after marriage, many situations, wherein you’ll be kindled unnecessarily and forced to stand up to your new relatives defending you and your parents. None can be an exception to all such in a family, no matter how much amiable you are with others. At such instances, try not to drag the matter creating displeasure to the other person. That doesn’t mean you should leave our esteem lay behind as such. Say a word or two graciously and by remaining calm after that, you tell others what sort of girl you are and in turn what your parents are. That’s how I want you to keep our esteem high, not by being bitchy. Moreover, your priorities for your new family should precede those for us. Try not to give them a feel that you came as an alien into the family in the middle of their lives. I know my daughter is cerebral and can handle things well and win admiration.

Me: Are you still dubious if you are the best, mom?