Aham Vyaktam

Un kangalai kandu kaadhalikkirai ena ninaithu naan kaadhalil vizhundhen...
Un kangalai kandaal ellorukkume appadi thaan thondrum enbadhu theriyaamal...

Today morning was so scary.
I was waiting to take a left on an intersection unguarded by traffic lights.
Though I had used my windshield wiper before starting off from home, it completely skipped my mind that the road was wet.
I saw a car coming on the far left and a truck coming on the far right.
I, for sure, had plenty of time to take my left before both the cars approached me.
So I steered to my left with the normal speed I used to used to turn and for a split second, I didnt know how the car behaved, it went to the right a little and then left a little and finally ended up in the lane with oncoming traffic in the opposite direction.
All I could do was yell holy shit and am glad I had paid attention while reading the driving handbook before my driving written test, I just took my legs off the gas pedal and pumped the brake, not slamming it. I got back into my senses with my legs shaking and had enough time to pull over to my right before there was any car near me.
It just skipped my mind that you should reduce speed on a wet road and I was about to end up in a hospital, possibly making my birthday a....well, I dont wanna complete the sentence.
I am just hoping that something big that came for me got averted by this lil mishap.

Guys, take the driver's handbook seriously and concentrate while you drive and more than anything, dont be overconfident!

Am really glad am alive!

She got his tamilmatrimony profile that morning. His very name was her favorite and she was so impressed by his choice of the words to describe himself. That’s all a girl can have at that initial stage to conclude if she likes a guy, isn’t it? She called her dad and said that she liked him. Her dad proceeded on to the usual horoscopic matches and asked her to wait till he got back to her. The same happened on the guy’s side too. Then they got calls saying that the major 5 matches are fine with their horoscopes. So they thought they would start talking and that’s how it all started. They were both conveniently in the same time zone in the US and they needn’t had to worry about disturbing the other at odd hours. They started off with emails. She liked his quirkiness and openness and he liked her childishness and the sincerity in her responses. He was looking for a family loving girl who’s confident and career involved and there she was. She was looking for a guy who’s better than her in everything and there he was. The next step was phone calls. They started talking to each other every day. The call would start at 9 at night and would go on till 12 midnight, though both of them kept saying that they were not phone persons.

They liked each other very much even before meeting. Just after a week, when they thought they would take it to the next level, they received calls from their parents saying that 5 matches aren’t enough and that they were looking for a minimum of 7. It made no sense to him and her. He didn’t believe in horoscopes much and for her, though she had a little belief, she always chose her will/desire over horoscope/astrology. For a moment, they considered going back to their parents and telling them that they wanna go to the next level. But both weren’t confident enough to do that since they barely knew each other for a week. She knew that its all her word that matters and making dad nod a “yes” is no problem for her, but she wasn’t ready yet. So they decided to drop this matrimony talk and bid a bye.

Two days would have gone by. The third day, they thought “why cant we be just friends?” And then they started talking to each other again, though the 3 hour calls became 3 min calls. One day he said he wanted to meet her. He was in San Francisco and she was in Los Angeles. She felt so hesitant to meet him as they had already decided that the relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere. But she so wanted to meet him. And he drove all the way from SF to LA just to meet her as a friend :-) When they met, it was as if someone snatched all the words from their lips and lost them. They didn’t know where to start and what to do. He opened his arms wide to hug her but she said “I am sorry I don’t hug”. He smiled “okayyyy”. His smile was as if he knew that she would have hugged atleast 10 guys by then, as hugs are formal here and that she was deliberately denying his hug. He said “you look really slim, almost like a kid beside me”. She said “you are not as huge as you portrayed yourself to be”. Then they became more comfortable.

After a month, he said he was coming to LA to meet his friend and told her that he would come and meet her too before he leaves. She didn’t want to meet him but she also couldn’t wait to see him. That was their second meeting. He said he would feel really bad if he is not meeting her, having come all the way to LA. She felt “God, why is he doing this” but she couldn’t keep from enjoying his attention.

She had to appear for an interview in San Jose (40 mins from SF) and told him that she’ll be there for the weekend. He had planned to go to ARR’s concert that weekend with one of his friends. When she told him of her plans, he immediately ditched his friend and asked her to come with him to the concert. She felt bad about ditching his friend but felt really happy that he chose her over someone else.

Then, she got that job in San Jose. She wanted to believe that it was fate that’s bringing them closer but she chose to believe that all the tech companies are in the Bay Area. She was glad that she was atleast 40 mins away from him but at the same time, the distance killed her.

He started calling her every night before bed. She hated to see his call. She just wanted to switch her mobile off to avoid him. But she was the same person who made his life hell when he missed to call her one day. Once when she had picked up a fight with him which went on till 12 midnight, she got a call at 2 AM in the night asking her to open her window and look out. There he was waiting for her in the blinding fog, with a bouquet of roses in his hand mouthing “I’m sorry”. She ran outside “Are you crazy? Why are you doing this?”. He just said “I couldn’t sleep after the fight”. She just stood there dumb struck. He was making it so hard for her to curb herself from falling for him.

He met her every weekend. He took her to shopping, to movies, to sight seeing. She didn’t want to hang out with him but she always had a sullen face when he dropped her back home. She wanted to be in her most crappy outfit possible while meeting him but she always ended up wearing the best that was there in her closet. She always prayed that he shouldn’t admire her or compliment her, but there he was all smiling, always with a readymade “wow, u look wonderful”. With any other guy, she would have felt “Okay boy, can you keep the flirting profile a lil low”, but with him, she felt she was over the moon every time she was admired. This was because, his compliment would sometimes be followed by something that would make the compliment a joke and she liked it because it made him look so dignified, not making him look like some big time drooler. She hated if a guy is too bent over a girl and there he was just as she wished, with his noble majesty, just meant for a guy. She just couldn’t compare him with any guy she had met in the past. He was miles apart.

She would have spat on anyone who would have called her kutti but every time he called her so, she could relate him to her father. They say if you can see at least half of your dad in a guy, then he’s the one for you. It had all seemed bullshit to her once, until she met him. He kept her too many nick names she even lost track of. And she was getting drawn to him every time he called her kutti.

One day, she heard him talking over the phone with some relative of his, about a girl, who was probably an alliance his parents had seen for him. She didn’t want to talk about it, but she didn’t know if it was jealousy or the fear of loosing him, she enquired him about the girl. He said he’s talking to this girl in India whom her parents had introduced to him and he said he’s just doing the initial talk with her. She just immediately wanted to run and hide somewhere he can never find her. He asked “what happened”. She was about to say “I just said no to a guy this morning when I was talking with my dad” but she felt that’s too much of brusqueness on her ego and all that came out was “nothing”. She thought she saw him chuckle for a moment or may be she was just too desperate to see him twittingly chuckle. So it seemed to her that he was moving on.

One Saturday, he kept driving through a route that was so unfamiliar for her. She asked him where he was taking her. He just said “wait for a while”. She didn’t know if it was fear or excitement that was mounting in her then. Finally after a long drive, he stopped before a tree house which was so absolutely stunning amidst a forest and it had the view of the beach from there. The small house was so wonderfully romantic. She looked at him with eyes full of questions. He just replied “I just thought you would like it”. She felt “Like it? What is he talking about? I love it”. He was just so perfect for her. She felt as if she had in her hand what she wanted the most, but still cannot have it. She was too confused to take a bold step and go to her dad and tell him he’s what she wanted. She was literally torn between her desire and confusion. That’s when something made her blurt out “I think you are the one for me”. He immediately said “Then, lets get it done”. She didn’t know what was happening “what?”. He then asked “Will you marry me?” Tears welled up her eyes and she managed to say “yes”.

She called her father and told him this is the guy she wanted to be with. Dad was a little hesitant but to him all that mattered was his princess’s wish. He talked to his parents and they gave a green signal, of course with a little fear of the unknown.

She managed to somehow get the words “am glad I said okay to her” from her in-laws and he managed to get “I would have never found a guy better than him for my child” from his in-laws.

All was well in the end and a year has gone by for them, as husband and wife. She always found fatherly affection in him and he always treated her as his kid. They just bought a house and how many couples receive a dream house as a gift to each other for their first anniversary? It happened for them :-)
How many girls get a husband who draws her portrait himself and gifts it to her? How many girls get a husband who gets her a bouquet every now and then? How many girls get a husband who keeps her nick names almost everyday? How many girls get a husband who adores her and clicks her pictures every now and then?
The past 1 year had been incredibly wonderful for them and they are hoping that they will be able to carry the same perpetual love to the many many years to come.

Isn’t the street name very majestic?

We are proud home owners now. Some said that it took them 2 years to get a house they liked, some advised it’ll take at least a year. But it took us only 4 months to find this gorgeous dazzling lovely home. Should we owe it to my twice-daily Sri Suktam chants and our temple visits or to the boundless efforts we put in searching for homes, attending open houses almost every weekend or to our great realtor who luckily happened to be professional pals with the seller’s agent of this house? I think its all the three.

There was a point at the end of just 2 months of search when we got really frustrated but we kept going, no matter what discouraged us. There was always something I didn’t like in whatever house Hari liked and vice-versa. Then we came across this gorgeous home, within less than a mile from the apartment we were staying in. Kudos to our realtor, he gave us a private sneak peek of the house even before it was open in the market. This sneak was so important because we had already been frustrated by the multiple offer wars that happened on any house in the market, to such an extent that Hari usually started with “has the blood bath begun already?” whenever he talked to any seller’s agent LOL.

So back to the private peek. The moment we parked in front of the house, the first thing that came out of our lips was “wow”. The house was so tall that the roof wasn’t visible at all, even if you stand a few feet from the house and look at it. The double door was another turn-on for both of us. Once we went in, the first level with the living room, family room and a spacious kitchen was so stunning. Kitchen was a major tick mark with all the cabinet space, breakfast nook and granite countertops and as if they are not enough, the remote-operable sun roof. The house had 4 bedrooms which was another tick mark as Hari was yearning for an office room. The master bedroom had just the space we were looking for and the pool (though it was not in our best interests) was beautiful and as a cherry on its top, was the spa. What more can you expect from a house?

When we came out of the house, both of us had a “I can see myself living in this house” sort of satisfied look, which we never got in any of the previous houses.
Then we put in our very first offer for the house and the game began. When we lost hope after a week and started looking for other houses, we got a call saying that our offer was accepted. This was victory, our very first offer for a house has been accepted. The escrow went on and on with a few issues here and there and all was well at the end.

On Aug 20th, we signed the docs and the key was ours. It was an inexpressible feeling to set our foot in our own place. We were so proud that we have a roof of our own.

Aug 26th was the Grihapravesham. We had moved our stuff before that and we had spent a whole weekend setting things up. We had hired a priest for Grihapravesham. I had to put maakolam(manaikolam) for the occasion. I had no clue how to prepare the kola maavu even, let alone drawing the kolam. Thanks to the internet, I somehow managed to do it and the next day, when Hari’s relatives came to our home, their eyes popped out on seeing the kolam. They all showered me with appreciations for the kolam.

The function was a grandeur and everyone was so happy. All our relatives, especially Hari’s athimber was admiring me left, right and middle, saying that I did everything single-handedly, without seeking any help from any of them, at this young age :-)

My mom was so worried about me knowing nothing, during my wedding. Now, on seeing how I managed a function and on hearing how much am being admired, she feels really relieved.

All our relatives loved the house. We had placed a lot of flowers in vases and the highlight was a small fountain on the breakfast nook. Everyone was so happy to see a plantain tree in the backyard and it bore a hanging cluster of flower/raw bananas, which they said is an auspicious sign. And only on that day, we came to know that there was a rose hibiscus plant in the backyard. Hari’s athai was so overjoyed. She plucked some flowers and we placed them on the idols for the occasion. We were so happy to see those, when we cannot see even houses in India with hibiscus plants any more.

The function wouldn’t have been such a breeze without my ever-supporting amazing husband. God knows how many boxes he lifted. I was at a point so worried that I would loose my chubby husband for a lean one :-)

The neighborhood seems to be pretty good. The very first day when we went there, we were greeted by a neighbor’s kid Cameron. He shook our hands and said “Hello, welcome neighbors” and introduced himself and told us which home he lives in. It just took us by surprise. We felt so welcoming. We met another kid Jason and they took our permission before coming in to our house to look around. Its amazing how courteous they are. Another neighbor, a couple, greeted us the first day and was so friendly. The next day, they knocked on our door and gave us a bouquet of flowers from their backyard and invited us to their home for tea. Such is our neighborhood.

We have been living in our house for a week now. We are still trying to figure out which remote is for what, which switch is for which light and which key is for what lock.

It feels so pleasant to be in the house. We are able to sleep so well in the night. It’s a very happy house. And we look forward to seeing many many happy occasions in 1160 Gilbert Ct.

There were days when the people who have physical disability were called “physically disabled” or “handicapped”. Those words, in addition to being indecorous, instilled in us an unwanted (probably undesirable by those people) sympathy towards such people.

Then there came a more dignifying term “physically challenged”.

Lately, I heard somewhere someone calling them “differently able” which was so interesting.

“Differently able” is the most solicitous one I have ever heard and am gonna start using it hereafter to address differently able people. This word is capable of removing the unwanted sympathy and can make us feel they are normal or in a way, special.

Today is the first day in the last 10 days that I woke up with a temperature of 97.9. I was running a temperature of 103 and this has been the longest and fiercest fever I ever had. I was stuck sick at home for 10 days, no work and no cooking at home. Everyday I woke up with fever and cried to Hari telling that am gonna die. Now if I come to think of it, I really am ashamed :-)

Hari didn’t go to office coz of me and I cannot credit him enough for how he took care of me. It was surprising that the doctors never gave any medicine for me, despite diagnosing that I have viral fever. They kept asking me to take Tylenol every 4 hours and drink lots of fluid till the fever goes away. How will the fever go off with just Tylenol, I mean, how will the virus get killed by just Tylenol? I could never understand. The doctors said its unethical to give injection or antibiotic for a viral fever and I just have to live with it till its gone. Had it been India, the doc would have given an injection and atleast 3 antibiotics the first day you go to him, and some doctors will be so generous to hospitalize you even if you run only 99 degrees LOL. Having seen all that, the so called medical ethics here was so surprising and funny for me. Not a day passed without cursing them, no matter they don’t prescribe antibiotics for our own good.

Whenever I get ill, I have this habit of doing a bit of a self-diagnosis. This is what I did when my lymph nodes protruded after fever, before 2 years. A generous doctor who was so much in love with me (knowing that I can get all my expense reimbursed) wanted to retain me in the hospital for atleast 10 days saying that the lymph nodes could be due to tuberculosis or cancer and asked me to undergo a biopsy. I had to fight with her to get discharged telling her that I don’t have any of those crap and its just reactive lymph node for the viral fever I had. And my diagnosis was definitely correct. The lymph nodes went away once I recovered from fever. I can give many such instances for my successful self-diagnosis. I had discovered I had typhoid, jaundice, etc, in the past. So I have been pretty confident of my medical knowledge. But it turned into over confidence when I thought I had typhoid when I fell ill during my wedding. Well, I had the same symptoms and even the blood test result came back positive for Salmonella Typhi. So a doctor treated me for it. I came to know that the self-diagnosis was an over-kill when another doctor said its just viral and the blood test will show positive for typhi if I have had typhi before :-( Everyone was scolding me left, right and middle for doing a doctor’s job. Well, will 2 years of Biology in the 11th and 12th grade not make me half a doctor? Hehehehe

I get so paranoid when I have persistent fevers and I come up with some dreadful disease linking the symptoms. I came up with AIDS before 2 years when I lost 5 pounds in 3 days (god knows if the weighing machine was faulty) and my WBC dropped by 2000. I came up with cholera when I had nausea and diarrhea. Do you know what I came up with this time? Cancer :-)
These things are not very impressive to be written about one’s self, are they? Hmmm…that’s fine. Those of you who have/have had crush on me, thinking that am meticulous, ingenious, etc, etc can rest assured that you haven’t missed someone great in your life LOL.

Anyways, the fever phase is finally over or so I think. Am gonna get a huge email from Prasath anna about hope and confidence and a huge lecture from Hari, for this one pessimistic phrase of mine “or so I think” :-)

Am glad am out of a 10-day long fever and have to start eating apples and dry fruits to regain strength. And more importantly I should try not to self-diagnose and try not to be over scared or atleast not to be overtly scared :-)

Prasath anna. The first guy who became very close to me.
I was 14. My mom said a new family was coming to inhabit the opposite house. She also said that there is a guy in their family who was onto his 11th grade. During those days, whenever I heard someone talk about school going guys/girls, the first thing I used to wonder was “will he/she study well”, myself being so obsessed about securing the first rank during my schooling. So I had already started contemplating about that guy’s studies even before I met him.

There was a 6 year old girl, neighbor, who was my pet. One day when I was coming back home from a temple, she came running to me and pointing to a guy in our opposite house, she said “anna asked what grade you are in”. I looked at that guy and was thinking if this was the guy I was contemplating about. But he seemed too elderly for a 11th grader. I just gave a smile, and he said “hope you’ll not mistake me for asking about you to that kid”. I said “I am in the 9th grade. You?” He said “Am done with degrees and awaiting a job”. So he must be the guy’s elder brother, I was thinking. After sharing our names, we parted. That’s how Babu anna started saying a hi to me everytime he saw me and have also given me suggestions to study.

The next person who became dear to me was the guy’s mother. Maami was an impressive person and she mingled with me and my mom in a jiffy. She used to talk to me as if I was her daughter. She once called me to her house to give me some pudding she had prepared. That was the first time I saw that guy. He was sitting on the sofa, perpendicular to how we should sit on a sofa, with legs on the hand rest, watching tv (I think I absorbed my weird positions on sofa from him). When I went in, maami said it was Prasath. He turned and gave me a look and when I was about to utter a smile, he turned away back to the tv again. I was like “okayyyy”. That’s how I first met that guy. Not a pleasant first impression, you might have judged :-)

I was in 10th grade and Babu anna had been to Hyd and had bought me studs and bangles. I went to his home to get them and saw Prasath anna in his room. Maami said he likes Tamil and had scored well in Tamil too and so asked me to get suggestions from him on how to study (My school had secured more state ranks in language papers and I was expected by my teachers to grab one in 10th). He just gave me a smile and I left. I never talked to him.

My 10th exams got over and my results came back as 90% with pathetic scores in languages. I definitely had done super well, and it was a terrible blow. I cried for 3 days and maami, after consoling me for about an hour, took me to her house to watch tv for a change. Prasath anna was watching tv (as always) and even after seeing me crying, he didn’t ask me anything.

Then I joined a new school for 11th grade which was far from home. I had to take 2 buses. Maami said I can go with Prasath anna for half of my travel, as he takes buses too. Thats how I started speaking with Prasath anna. We used to walk to together to the bus stop and board the same bus and take different 2nd buses. He would get ready very soon and I would skip breakfast for not making him wait. He would never speak much during our walk and after getting off the bus, he would just walk to catch his 2nd bus and wouldn’t even care to look what happened to me. I have thought “what sort of a guy wouldn’t even say a bye” :-)

It was difficult for me to go by buses. So dad arranged for school van. And the small talks which we had also vanished.

And one fine evening, when I was sitting in my house doorstep and studying, I saw Prasath anna come out and stand in his doorstep. He just looked at me and gave a smile. I returned the smile and continued studying. Then he came to my doorstep and said a hi and enquired what I was studying. That’s how our friendship started.

He used to come to my doorstep almost daily and we used to talk for hours. Mom would call him inside but he would be persistent on standing out beside the gutter in the mosquito world. We always had something to talk and never ran out of topics. We would enter a squabble when it came to Tamil. He would say its nonsense to choose Sanskrit as my second language just coz I lost marks in Tamil in my previous grade and that Tamil is so much fun to learn. I would say I didn’t wanna shed sweat in studying for language papers and that Sanskrit was the easiest. He used to say some of the Tamil poems he studied in his 10th grade and I used to recite with him, as I was once a Tamil lover.

The major controversy that went on between us was our ages. He would say that he’s younger to me and I wouldn’t admit and kept calling him anna. Finally he admitted that I was younger, after having me explaining what I had to explain. Lets not get into that anyways :-)

Once when I got down from my school van, one of my school mates, on seeing Prasath anna smiling at me, asked me “whos that prince charming?” I told her “he’s Prasath anna” She said “So bad you call him anna” :-) This is how my school mates used to drool over Prasath anna. And that particular school mate of mine, when she met me before 2 years, remembered to ask me how prince charming is :-)
And, the rowdy guys in our street, on seeing me and anna speak, used to ask me “will you speak only to refined guys like him? Not with us?” I would tell them “I call him anna. If you allow me to call you anna, I shall speak with you too” LOL

Those were excellent 2 years. We became so close and I came to know that Prasath anna was nothing I had framed him to be. He was such a pleasant boy, so genuine and so decent. We had never been anywhere together, all we knew was my house doorstep.

Then one day, he came and told me that they are relocating to Chennai. I felt really bad to loose a friend but he seemed pretty strong and never seemed to feel for parting. He never had been expressive of his feelings and I felt its so typical of him to coolly bid a bye and move on. On a Sunday morning, the entire family left and he had come to my home to say goodbye. I was so much in sleep that I couldn’t even see him properly. Once I got up, I cried telling mom that I didn’t even get a last glimpse of him.

We did contact each other after him having gone to Chennai but its never the same as being opposite to each other, is it? Once when I spoke with him, he said he hasn’t befriended anyone there in Chennai, after me. I was in a way happy to hear that :-)
I used to remember his birthday and wish him every year. He says its my call that reminds him of his birthday :-)
And, then coz of distance and my studies in 12th, slowly, we lost touch with each other. Then after landing in a job in Bangalore, I thought of calling him and ransacked my diaries and found his number. Quite unsure if the number still exists, I gave a call and he was there. This time the contact was very short lived and we lost touch again. I lost his phone number and emailid. There was no way for me contact him.

Three weeks back, it struck me to look him up in orkut. And thanks to orkut, I found him. That day, we would have chatted for more than 4 hours. I was able to sense a lot of difference in him. He has become so expressive. It was quite surprising to hear from him how much he had missed me. The Prasath anna I knew would never have said that. I was so happy to see him in a commendable position in his job. He forwarded me his photos and he was nothing like the lean boy who was in my doorstep a decade ago. He had put on weight and had gained so much maturity. I also spoke with maami and I was so happy to hear her speak like how she did a decade ago.

They are living just opposite to the mandapam wherein my wedding happened. If only I had looked him up in orkut 7 months ago, I would have definitely met him on my wedding.

He was very happy to see me established to this extent and he openly appreciated me, which was so not him. He said I look great on seeing my pics but also said that he likes the BVB girl (BVB was my school) with sodabutti better. Many of my friends say that I have changed a lot and I look great now but only Prasath anna said he liked the old naïve simple chirpy girl better. Only the best of best friends can cherish you, however you are, isn’t it?

He said that he makes sure he walks in that street where we lived, whenever he visits that town and seeing those 2 houses of ours brings him so many memories.
There was so much innocence in our minds and all we had to worry about was studies. Those days are never gonna come back. And the friends we made in that age are the ones who'll always remain close to us.

Am glad am back in touch with him and I hope I’ll not loose him again. He had meant a lot to me, may be coz he was my first best friend.

I had admired you a lot anna, and I always will!

Why is everyone with their jackets on? Its 80 outside. Probably they got so much used to jackets for the past several months and wearing them has become so much like wearing shoes. Even though wearing jacket is involuntary, wouldn’t they feel hot once they are out in the street? Wouldn’t the discomfort force them to remove the jacket? I don’t know. May be they are too much engrossed in their jobs that they even forgot about the summer. Or may be they don’t feel 80 is too hot to remove the jacket. If it’s the latter, then its very surprising. It was even more surprising when I saw someone with a trench coat on. At first I thought they were heading towards SFO, which will be 10 degrees less than San Jose, but no, they were heading towards San Jose with me. OOhhh!!

Foreman and 13 knock the door of Kutner. As they get no response, they go in looking around the house. Suddenly 13 runs to a room [only a hand in a pool of blood is visible], followed by Foreman. After a few seconds, 13 pants hard crying and leans against the bed nearby with blood all over her lips (she had tried CPR), saying it’s a shot on the temple.

And in the next scene they say Kutner is dead.

I was going “Whattttttttttt”. It was an incredible scene in House M.D and it took me a few minutes to actually believe Kutner is gone. He was my favorite in House’s team (of course, next to Gregory House), mainly because he was an Indian, a smart good-looking one. Why the hell did the director kill Dr. Kutner?

The news says Kal Penn has been offered a job at the White House and himself, more interested in politics, chose that over acting. House M.D will never be the same for me without Kutner. The obituary in fox website for Kutner was so cool. It was amazing to see a character being given such an importance :-)

Fox had displayed eulogies by Kutner’s colleagues and Gregory House’s page was blank. Hari said it was so like House. House is such an a-hole. If ever I hate and at the same time love someone, then its House.

I’ll miss you Dr. Kutner.

My sis-in-law Deepa gave birth to a baby girl. We became a proud maama maami. She's the first baby for our family and is gonna be very very special.

I was praying that a girl baby should be born against my parents-in-laws desire for a baby boy. And my wish succeeded :-)

They said the baby and the mom are healthy. They said the baby has lots of hair and she has big eyes. Hari always comments that my eyes are huge and am glad the baby is gonna share all the bullies with me :-)

God, how much I yearn to hold the baby in my hands! But we are tied by the distance.

I admire Deepu so much for the perseverance with which she went through the labor.
I just felt like hugging her and telling how much I admired her. But I could barely speak with her :-(

Anyways. Everyone there is gonna be busy with the baby.
Am gonna start purchasing gifts for her from now on.
Cant wait to see her. Am sure she'll be as beautiful as Deepa and the parents are gonna have hard time shooing away the guys swarming around her. hehehehehehe...

People were moving around, trying to comfort each other, drinking, kneeling beside the dead, but he could not see any of the people he loved, no hint of Hermione, Ron, Ginny, or any of the other Weasleys, no Luna. He felt he would have given all the time remaining to him for just one last look at them; but then, would he ever have the strength to stop looking? It was better like this.

Why do I still cry every time I read these lines, though I would have at least read them umpteen times in the past?

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"
Mrs. Weasley threw off her cloak as she ran, freeing her arms, Bellatrix spun on
the spot, roaring with laughter at the sight of the new challenger. "No!" Mrs. Weasley cried as a few students ran forward, trying to come to her aid.
"Get back! Get back! She is mine!"

Why do I have yes-come-on-there-you-go feeling every time I read this?

“The true master of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy.”
“You’ve missed your chance. I got there first. I overpowered Draco weeks ago. I took his wand from him.”
“Does the wand in your hand know its last master was Disarmed? Because if it does . . . I am the true master of the Elder Wand.”

Why am I not able to get rid of the gasp and the stomach lurch every time I read this, though I knew all along that this is how its gonna be, after so many re-reads?

"you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew."

Why does my respect for Snape bubble up in me every time I read this?

Am clearly spellbound by the story. My mention of this story twice in my blog clearly vindicates it.

I am not gonna stop reading it, even when my daughter (or son, whoever it might be) laughs at me saying mommy reads kids’ stories :-)

Am gonna treasure the book!

As he entered the home yesterday, he said “I may not be so expressive and I might not have given you attention as much as your parents and your friend. But you are very special to me and I bought you this as I felt you would feel the same warmth you had from other important people in your life” and gave me a pink princess basket. I must say I definitely felt like his girl kid, who would feel so elated to have the pink basket.

He had always given me attention and gets me a bouquet every now and then, no matter if its an occasion or not. I don’t know if a mere allusion of my parent’s and friend’s tenderness in my blog can make him feel like this!!!!

Its nice that am a child for someone (of course, the most important person in my life now) other than my parents and my friend.

I spoke with my best friend after a really long time. I have got many emails from that friend asking me to give a call when my time permits, but it took this unchivalrous stupid a year to actually do it. I spoke for about an hour. Thanks to my manager for having given me a permission to work from home :-) I wouldn’t have called even now, had I not known that the friend is leaving for Riyadh.

That friend had been with me since I was 13, I guess. We are friends for more than a decade now. When we spoke yesterday, we realized the friendship hasn’t gone down by even an ounce and we still stay at that reverent position in each other’s hearts. All our sentences started with “Remember when….” How nice it was to talk about our remarkable past!

We were laughing to the core when we talked about the very serious fights we had, it sounded so pointless now. I was the one who always initiated a fight (as its always the case with anybody for that matter, but trust me, am not very bad, just a little short-tempered and egoistic) and if I now come to think of it, my friend had been so patient with me, would never utter a word other than sorry, though I had been scornful, vicious and obstinate. I genuinely sought for pardon yesterday. I don’t think anyone can tolerate me like that other than that friend and I still remember my mom scolding that friend that am being spoilt by giving too much of attention and liberty which I am taking advantage of. My friend’s mom and my mom are so proud of our friendship which is still lasting, though we are so distant.

My friend also happened to be my junior in my college and I used to threaten that I would send some guys from my class for ragging :-)
I still remember those days when my friend had been so possessive and refused to give even my emailid to my other juniors LOL. That was funny!!!
Both of us used to watch our favorite movie telecast on a festival day, absolutely immune to all the festivities around. We wouldn’t even care about the bang of the crackers outside :-)
I used to cheat when we played Hollywood but never did a word come from my friend. I always won.

Hari says my parents and such friends have spoilt me, having given me too much attention that its hard for him to meet the same expectations of mine :-)

I miss those days. I wish there’s a way to travel back to those days whenever needed. But then am glad I don’t have a feeling that I missed a chance of having fun in those days. We enjoyed as much as we could when we got a chance to get together.

I know you are reading this my friend!
And I know you have a feeling that I haven’t been much expressive of my friendship all along!
Read this and rest assured that I have always missed you and I always will!

A.R Rahman. I was just staring at the screen for a while after writing his name for want of words. I was praying that ARR should win atleast 1 oscar, if not both. I was clasping the hands and biting my nails when they were about to announce who the oscar for original score goes to. When ARR’s name was announced, I was applauding, screaming and jumping. That was some moment. I was glad they got his name right unlike the Golden Globe. When he said about him having the same excited and terrified feeling he had during his wedding, I was surprised “Was it Rahman who just humored?” When he said “ella pugazhum iraivanukke”, the joy just multiplied. That’s something none would have expected in his Oscar acceptance speech.

I was so glad to see him performing on the Oscar stage and the fusion of Jai Ho with Wall-E was some magic. Did you guys look at the way he did his finishing pose of the performance? Every bit of him was awesome on the day.

I was scared when Hari said he might loose the Oscar for the song category due to split votes between O Saya and Jai Ho. But then he did it once again!! He deserves every bit of the awards. I cant stop watching this video.

Rusel Pookutty is another pride of India. The entire SDM crew is a marvel. I cant believe the kids can speak so well. They rocked on the red carpet.

Am not going to listen to any song other than Rahman’s for the next 1 week. He is decorating my laptop as the wallpaper. He is great in his Indian black dress. I hope Hari doesn’t mind, himself being a die hard fan of Rahman :)

For all those who raised controversies about the movie and for all those who threw mud at Rahman for accepting the offer to direct music for the movie:

Rahman is bringing home the Oscars guys!

Suck it up!!!

It feels good when “someone” makes a bread sandwich for your breakfast, places it in your bag concernedly with a paper towel in case you intend to have it while commuting, and does it by the time you put your shoes on before leaving to work, especially when you have decided to skip your breakfast as you are running very late.

It feels good when “someone” had done the dishes and the sparkling sink welcomes you when you get back home in the evening, especially when you had left a huge pile of dishes in the morning.

It feels good when “someone” unexpectedly calls you and says we’ll go for a movie and have dinner outside, especially when you are in no mood to do anything but still for the sake of it, will cook and do other house-hold since you are not of the type who says “lets have dinner out”.

It feels good when “someone” prepares something with little known, and wakes you up to make you have dinner, especially when you are dozed off after a shot (not the shot as in tequila shot but the one as in flu shot) and a tablet when you are ill.

It feels good when “someone” had surprisingly placed a bouquet of flowers before you when you wake up the next morning with a note “I don’t know what the reason is, sorry if I am”, especially when you had been low for some reason unknown.

It feels good when “someone” says you are a good cook and you’ll get better every time you cook, especially when you serve a dish with too much of salt in it.

It feels good when “someone” just politely says “this is not the girl I know of”, which is good enough to shut you up, especially when you let your temper far out of control.

It feels good when “someone” pats on your head and says “you are just a kid”, especially when you feel so stupid after committing a foolish blunder.

It feels good when “someone” reminds you are able by saying “I’ll suggest, but you have to decide”, especially when you want someone to decide for you, though it is so out of your character, you being a person who doesn’t want others to decide for you.

It feels good when “someone” is so supportive to say its okay to cancel a $1000 trip, especially when you are biting your nail, trying to complete your work hastily before you leave for the trip.

These look like excerpts from some chick-flick. But when these happen in real life, the bliss is just exponential to the mushy feeling you have when you see these in a chick-flick. And, you are able to cache and appreciate these only when they happen seldom. Else, the charm of these would have been long gone.

I saw everybody writing about their best of 2008. So I thought I would also join the whirlpool.

Best of 2008:

1. I became a full time employee of a reputed concern. One year of grueling contractorship got over and I am glad I wasn’t at the mercy of anybody to have me converted, it was rather a demand from my side.

2. I got car driving license. This might seem too preposterous to mention under this post title, but it was a great achievement for me. I flunked twice and got it right the third time. I have never had a sense for even riding a bicycle, let alone a car. I was great at the rules and scored 34 on 36 in the driving written test but pathetically flunked in the wheel test. Finally I got it. My wish is to drive a beetle, if not, atleast some VolksWagen. I haven’t got any yet. Let me see if I am able to put my beetle or VW as one of my best of 2009.

3. I met my family after a separation of more than a year and a half, reminding them of my almost forgotten face, letting them gasp “is that really her?” I had changed a lot during this span of being away from family and I was pleased to see that everybody welcomed my physical and mental change.

4. My wedding. I met a man who was everything I wanted my partner to be and I am lucky enough to marry him. The welcome rendered by the new family was overwhelming, as I had already become friendly with most of them, or as my friends would grossly lay it out, I had already put maska on everyone. More than anything, my dad got relieved off the biggest duty or rather a burden as the conformist in me conceives it.

5. My birthday gift. It was my portrait Hari had painted. I knew he was a painter but never knew he could paint so well. He used to go to sleep at 5 in the morning, saying he had loads of work, which was surprising for me as I had always known him as a smart-worker, not a hard one. When he gifted my portrait, I understood the meaning of all those sleepless nights.

6. I met Anand after more than 2 years. He had been “the” best friend in my life (and still is) or well-wisher as he says. It was great to see him here, actually to see his few months old kid more than him. Its always a blissful feeling to see your best friend after a really long time, especially when he surprises you showing up with his own child. And I met Shen, kullu and Sachi after a long time on my wedding.

7. I made a great improvement in cooking. While I was back in India, I didn’t even know what sauté meant (not literally but practically). While I was into this shared accommodation stuff here in US, I did start cooking, but there was always my roomie beside me to share the task and never knew if I could cook alone. But after wedding, cooking was/is being completely manned by me (needless to mention Hari is a lousy cook) and I was surprised to see I was able to cook well. We celebrated all festivals after wedding with vada, rava laddoo, jamun and payasam and stuff (I can never match up to our parents, but these dishes were decent) and got appreciation from my in-laws for observing all festivals without an elder’s help.

8. My dad sought voluntary retirement. He has worked really hard since he was 18 and I felt its time he bids a bye to work and rest at home. He is an enthusiast and cant sit at home. So he’s writing and composing songs right now (as he always used to when he found time) big time to keep him engaged (and this is just for his fun, not for commercial interests) and he’s into browsing and stuff. Good for him!!

9. Hari took a huge leap in his career, and became a manager skipping one level in the middle. It was like a double promotion and this happened immediately after our engagement. And everybody in my in-laws’ side said that am a very lucky girl. So sad that they forgot about Hari’s eminency :)

10. My physical examination results came out alright. I never underwent a checkup after coming to US. I normally keep watching my health as I am underweight. Not that any previous results came out with complications, but just have been playing safe. So any checkup is very important for an underweight gal like me and this thorough phy exam after 2 years pronounced me hale and healthy. And no doctor ever says that am underweight, I don’t know why and in a way am happy for it :)

Now I’ll go for the worst of 2008.

1. Fell ill on my wedding and I was ill throughout the span I was in India.

2. Sachi, who is one of my best friends met with a terrible accident and had surgery.

3. The economy depression, of course made us precarious as everybody else, though no major impact has happened yet.

4. I came to know that Hari doesnt have a good taste for chick flicks. Of course, chick flicks are for female audience and I cant expect him to like them, but then it would have been great if he can watch them, as I watch any crappy movie, no matter its boyish or girlish or kiddish.

5. I exhausted all my Personal-Time-Offs in my wedding and am running on negative now.

6. I wanted to go to Hawaii or Maldives in 2008 but neither happened.

These are all the worst things I can come up with and its good that I have my best outnumbering the worst.

As to the New Year resolution, I thought of vowing that I wouldn’t browse at work. But as we internet geeks would die if we relinquish browsing even for a minute, I knew this resolution would end up with an ill fate as its ancestors. So thought I wouldn’t take any resolution at all.

On the whole, 2008 had been a really great year for me, a memorable one indeed. If I have to retrospect in few years down the lane, 2008 would definitely be the top in the list, as I had some major happenings in my life.

Las Vegas - grandeur is its name. Our flight was about to alight in Vegas by 11pm Friday. There came a beautiful city into our sight below us. I was trying to catch the glimpse of the city, hopping in my seat though I was leashed by the seatbelt. The city was swimming in lights of different colors and the lights were so orderly in a pattern when I saw from above. I forgave the window seat to Hari as he said he wanted to take pics of Vegas from above but he wasn’t able to do a decent job due to shakes caused by flight turbulence. He had already been to Vegas and I was a Vegas Virgin, he should have at least let me enjoy the view. Scolding him for being so huge hindering the window and for having wasted his window-seat chance not managing to take pics without shakes, we were out from the airport and picked up our rental car. After a few miles drive, the Las Vegas Strip invited us. Mandalay Bay was the first one standing there and my mouth was wide-open and didn’t close at all till the end of the strip. What a splendor, what a luxury! It was definitely a feast for the eyes. I kept wowing for every casino I saw.

Hari had managed to get a good deal for a stay at what they call the best hotel, of course 5-star, in Las Vegas, THE BELLAGIO. It was 12 when we checked in to the hotel and I was quite intimidated by the well-dressed crowd in the casino. I wasn’t dressed for Bellagio, in fact, for Las Vegas at all as I was working till the last minute and started off from home in a hurry.

Our room was a marvel. We had switches to open and close the drapes in the windows. The restroom was so sparkling and modern and one can even dine there LOL. We didn’t manage to get a room with fountain view as we did a late check-in. We had a pool view, which wasn’t bad. I was in no mood to sleep but had to, as I was really tired coz of the day’s work.

We got up at 11 the next morning - Saturday. Yeah, Vegas isn’t about morning anyways, so what big deal in getting up at 11? We thought we would do a late night out. I got dressed up for Vegas (I didn’t wanna be a misfit) and we went out at 12.30 and thought we would gamble a little in Bellagio casino. We were just the silent spectators, sighing deeply at people who were easily playing the Black Jack and madly winning. As both of are pathetic in that area, we decided not to try anything other than the slot machine. We both gambled together and we lost, gained and we lost again. Hari always preferred the 5 cents or 25 cents slot machine, which was so boring and so I got a $10 note from him and went to gamble alone in a $1 slot machine. I turned the $10 into $20 and gave it to Hari, lifting my collar. Next time when I played Hari was there beside me and I lost everything. Boy, there’s some ill-luck about you that makes me loose when you are there :)

Then we started off. We decided that we would go for David Copperfield show on Sunday and went to MGM Grand to get the tickets. MGM had been my favorite from the view I had from the flight as it had all green lights, green being my favorite color. The interiors were fabulous. After a stroll in the MGM, we headed off to Luxor and Mandalay Bay. The parking was a nightmare everywhere. We were surprised as we had hard time finding a slot though the parking lot in every casino was so huge. The Luxor was huge with the replica of the great Egyptian pyramid, with an incomparable sky beam on its top. The interiors of Luxor were so modern and very different. If one looks up attempting to see the ceiling, his eyes will hit a triangle with staircase-like body. The stair-like form which you see from the bottom are all the corridors of the rooms in the Luxor hotel and we were so thrilled to imagine how it would be to take a look at the bottom from there. It was a lovely piece of architecture.

My primary intent of visiting Vegas was to see the interiors and the architecture of every casino/hotel and it was well served. I have always had an affinity towards Engineering Drawing during good-old college days and these casinos were making me feel bad for having not chosen a career in architecture.

Then we marched towards Mandalay Bay crossing a vast extent of shopping arena. The shops were ostentatiously standing there, tempting anybody who passed by. Hari should thank me for having not done a crazy shopping, I didn’t buy anything from Las Vegas in fact. There was one “Minus 5 Lounge” in Mandalay Bay. It was a room which was completely icy. The walls were made of ice, the sculptures were of ice, the sofas and chairs were ice, and even the cups they served drinks and juices in, were also ice. I was getting reminded of the ice palace in Die Another Day. We came out with a nice complimentary Eskimo cap. There were pretty girls outside the lounge, half-dressed in just a corset and a micro-mini skirt, to lure people into the lounge. We saw two guys taking pictures with those girls and guess who clicked them? Their wives with come-home-I’ll-get-you-drooler look on their faces.

We went to NewYork NewYork and found it to be a little quaint, not that great an edifice as the MGM and the others. We took a train back to the Luxor where we had parked our car. There were a bunch of guys in our compartment and they were trying to establish a friendly conversation with us. A guy amongst them was asking about the Eskimo cap I was wearing and said its not worth giving 30 bucks just for a complimentary vodka. I said we don’t drink but still I found the ice lounge worthy. Hari whispered “he’ll hug you when you leave. Just deny. The bloke is drunk”. I said “whatttttt” with a terrified look and tightened my grip on Hari. I managed to come out safe :)

Then we went to Fremont Street Experience. I had no clue what it was. Hari said the Fremont street was all about lights. It was awfully cold and windy and I was shaking terribly during our walk in Fremont street. The bright lights were dashing against my face. There was a street orchestra singing songs from 70’s and we could see couples dancing openly in the street. It was fun.

Then we went back to Bellagio to see the most renowned fountain show. The fountain was dancing to the rhythm of a song played and whenever the song reaches a high pitch, the fountain shot to a great height, almost till the top of the casino. It was wonderful. We had no energy left and so went to bed.

The next day we got up late as usual and by noon, we took a stroll inside Bellagio. We had a fruit tart in a cafe there and it was so good. I still have the taste in my tongue when I think of it. Then we went to Bellagio buffet for lunch. Buffet at a five-star hotel is a must-go as they say and we would have been in the queue for an hour. When we went inside, I was amazed to see so many items for desserts. A person who eats non-veg, especially sea-food would have a bonanza time over there. I, pretty much confined to Indian cuisine only, found it really hard to eat anything that was out there. I had taken a fried rice and saw something brown in it. I asked hari what it was and he said it should be some vegetable. I was so hesitant to eat it and so hari grabbed a spoon and had that thing and declared its chicken. That’s it. I almost threw up. Thankfully I hadn’t eaten it. I had only little Singapore noodles and switched to dessert. I took too many items and didn’t even manage to have half of them. I am definitely not a buffet person.

Then we went to Venetian. This was one casino I loved the most. They had artificial sky inside the casino and gondola rides, trying to keep it a replica of Venice. The ambience was so good and we could see some guys marching around the casino singing Venetian songs. I was in no mood to leave Venetian. It was certainly kindling my long term desire to visit Europe. Then we went to Madam Tussauds wax museum and I took pictures with all of the wax models, particularly envying and cursing Angelina Jolie’s wax model which was placed beside Brad Pitt’s. I was telling Hari “try to exclude her from the frame of me and Brad” :)

Then we went to Paris casino. IT was wonderful too giving the look and feel of France for us. We went to the observation deck of Paris which was at the top of 72 stories if I remember it right. It was piercing cold up there and the strip view was just beyond expression. We managed to catch 2 of the Bellagio fountain shows and I would have died for one view of the fountain from that height.

When we came out, it was almost time for our David Copperfield show and headed towards MGM. He was so amazing and the show was nothing like the ones I have seen before. He picked people from audience for making them disappear off the stage and Hari was almost making me stand on my toes with hands hovering high for me to be picked so that he can get rid of me for few minutes :) I would have been more than willing to be a participant too but I wasn’t picked. It was so good a show having the people disappear from the stage and reappear at the back of the theatre. We had managed to befriend a girl who was sitting beside us and was chosen as a candidate for the disappearing show. We enquired her what happened or how she felt. But she denied any info as all the participants had sworn to David that they would utter no word. What’s fun in magic if you know how its done?

We went back to Bellagio and I very much wanted to go to the night club at Bellagio itself for which we were holding complimentary tix. But I had no energy to change to my cocktail dress and we decided we would drop it off. That was a day!

The next morning we started at 5.30 from Bellagio and reached the airport by 6.30 only to discover that our flight at 7.30 AM had been cancelled. We had to wait for 12 hours in the airport not knowing how to kill the time. We had to bunk the office. Thank God, I had my Ayn Rand with me. We then decided that we should be in no laziness to pack our laptops during any journey. Finally we managed to get a flight back to SFO at 7.50PM. Hari gave me the window seat this time so that I could have the aerial view of Vegas. Good for him, he escaped my punches. He had promised me to take me in helicopter when I fought with him for not giving me the window seat on our onward journey, but he didn’t do so. This flight delay thingy was in a way good as I had the window seat and got the splendid view of Vegas.

Just then a guy beside Hari said a hello to us (ours was a 3 member seat). He didn’t look like an American as his slang wasn’t as pure as Americans. He sounded a bit like someone from Middle East. He was getting acquainted beyond anyone’s level of expectation and I started growing suspicious. I know its gonna be silly if I say I thought he was from an enemy country of India but that’s how I felt. He was speaking about his interests in travel, about economy and stuff. Hari turned to me and said “can you pls keep talking to me so that he doesn’t get me? God, this is the last thing I would want after a 14-hour wait at the airport”. I didn’t dare to look at that guy since whenever I looked at him, he started addressing me too. Suddenly during his conversation with Hari he said “mushkil nahin” and I was looking at him as if I confirmed him to be a terrorist. I nudged Hari “how the hell does he know Hindi?” Hari said “How the hell would I know?” I was looking at him dreaded and couldn’t refrain from asking him “Which country do you actually belong to?” He said he was from USA, Hawaii if am correct. He started speaking about his visit to India, that he went to Missouri, Simla, Agra and how he liked Taj Mahal and other historic places. It would have seemed to be a general conversation, had he seemed normal to me but now I felt “god, why is he speaking about monuments?” Hari placed his blackberry on the food tray and was looking through the window. I saw that guy taking out a beer tin and I had a weird feeling that he was looking at Hari’s blackberry. I didn’t want to say it to Hari as I thought he might feel am foolish. So I didn’t take my eyes off the blackberry as I felt that guy would take it when we are a lil loose and use it to send some message to someone in his gang and make us the victims of whatever plan he had. Then he asked Hari what are all the places worth visiting in India. When Hari was telling about Kerala, the guy asked him to write it down on a paper and I was worried as I thought he would do something with that handwriting. I know this is the height of paranoia. Finally we reached SFO and I was glad to get rid of that guy. He just turned out to be a passenger who was abnormally seeking a speech companion, nothing like what I thought. I was telling to myself “I should prolly stop watching CSI”.

That was Las Vegas for me. I like traveling and here I am awaiting eagerly my next trip to wherever Hari would take me. The day after our departure from Vegas, we heard that it was affected by snow storm. We were glad we were able to catch the last flight from Vegas to SFO the previous day!